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To think he's having a dig at my mum?

(33 Posts)
Rainbow Sat 09-Jul-16 23:56:17

I had a Grandma and a Nanny growing up and my eldest children also have a Grandma and a Nanny. My youngest (different father) has a Grandma but X DH's mother abandonEd him aged 5 and died when he was 30ish. XDH has a couple of friends (married) who he doesn't see as often as he used to but is close. Recently, DS4 has been coming home talking about Grandma and what he's done with his dad. My mum (Grandma) and XDH don't get on so it's not her he's talking about. XDH refuses to talk about it but says he asked these friends to be surrogate grandparents in the absence of his parents. I have no objections to this but to call her grandma is not right Iand disrespectful when he has one already iMO. I also think it might be a dig at my mum, as in he has more than one grandma now. Ds4 is only 4 and don't want him to think he's wrong. I have tried to speak to XDH but he refuses to talk. Am I BU or is he?

CamilleClaudel Sun 10-Jul-16 00:44:18

Didn't you already post this somewhere else? In any case, you sound slightly unhinged about this. Lots of children have more than two female grandparents, or more than one granny/grandma/nan etc. Lots of children have honorary grandparents who aren't relatives. It doesn't diminish your mother's role. You sound determined to be outraged.

honeyrider Sun 10-Jul-16 01:14:02

You're coming across like someone spoiling for a row and looking to grasp any excuse to do so. A lot of grandchildren call both grandmothers granny, grandma or nanna and some call close family friends the same as they're viewed as honorary grandparents.

RedHareWithBlondeHair Sun 10-Jul-16 01:31:20

You're really grasping now OP. Really.

JackieAndHyde4eva Sun 10-Jul-16 01:37:53

Youre being ridiculous! Children can cope with having two grandmas. Its not up to you what someone else wants to be called. If you really think it is then why not suggest DS calls your mum "grandma [firstname]"

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sun 10-Jul-16 01:52:51

Why have you copied and pasted same post twice on same forum? YABU for that!

Just5minswithDacre Sun 10-Jul-16 02:18:05

But C&Ped with two different versions of how he's out of order? confused

TallGreenLamp Sun 10-Jul-16 02:49:45

I had two Grannies when I was wee, as do many children I know. Both were equally loved and wonderful by both sides of the family.

There are only a limited number of names to give grandparents, I think you're overreacting.

MarcelineTheVampire Sun 10-Jul-16 07:35:43

My DD has 2 Nanas as that is what they wanted to be known as.

I think perhaps you have deeper issues than this with you XDH and are using this to get angry about but I think YABU in this circumstance.

Sirzy Sun 10-Jul-16 07:39:15

As others have said yabu. You should just be pleased that your son has these people in his life who seem to care about him and want to spend time with him. What he calls them really doesn't matter

Luckyyem Sun 10-Jul-16 07:50:59

Both my mum and mother in law are nanny, that's what they both decided to be called. If for any reason the dc need to distinguish between them they say my mother in laws first name. They also have a grandma, my stepmum as that's what she decided to be called.

TBH I can't see what the issue is? Your ex doesn't have a mum, and has allowed the friends to be called that. I personally don't think grandparents have to be blood or called different things.

DeathStare Sun 10-Jul-16 07:52:48

You're just looking for an argument. Millions of families call more than one grandparent the same name with no problem. It's not having a dig at anyone

squiggleirl Sun 10-Jul-16 08:00:23

Trying to discuss this with him is just shit-stirring.

My Mum's family always used 'Granny', as did my Dad's. Neither of their parents felt 'Nana' or 'Grandma' were right for them, so I had a 'Granny X' and 'Granny Y'.

Sounds like you're spoiling for a fight.

Foslady Sun 10-Jul-16 08:01:58

My X mil and X step mil were both known as grandma. Dd had no difficulties whatsoever about who was who and they were from the same side of the family.

Total non issue confused

GreatFuckability Sun 10-Jul-16 08:02:57

My children have 2 nannies, 2 grandads, a nana, a mamgu and tadcu, and pops.

You're being mental.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 10-Jul-16 08:07:58

I had two grandmas, it was never a problem. My dd has two grandmas and two nanas. Not a problem. I had plenty of aunties who weren't technically aunties but my mum's friends from church. Not a problem.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready Sun 10-Jul-16 08:24:55

Is it literally about the name grandma? Because that's a non issue. My dc have 2 granny's. Granny x and granny y. It never causes confusion. In fact my dd1 has 3 granny's because she has her dad's, mine and my dp's mums.

If it's about the relationship then that's even more mental. How can another person loving and looking after your child be a bad thing?

maxeffort0satisfaction Sun 10-Jul-16 08:27:47

its literally not a big deal ffs

gettingtherequickly Sun 10-Jul-16 08:28:15

Why have you posted this twice?

ThatAnneGirl Sun 10-Jul-16 08:29:12

My dc have two grandmas. One is not diminished because the other one exists.

Loads of children have grandparents who are not their actual grandparents biologically.

GloopyGhoul Sun 10-Jul-16 08:31:20

I feel like I've missed something. If my daughter was calling someone 'Grandma' and I didn't know who it was or why they were suddenly a grandparent, and my ex refused to offer even the barest of explanation, I'd be pretty hacked off too.

Witchend Sun 10-Jul-16 08:32:42

I think it's rather lovely he's found surrogate grandparents.

WhooooAmI24601 Sun 10-Jul-16 08:32:53

My DC have 4 lots of Grandparents. My Mum has remarried; she and her DH are Grandma and Papa, my Dad and his DP are Grandad and Nanny, EX's Mum and Dad are Nana and Papa and DH's Mum is Nanna. The DCs have no problem distinguishing between any and none are less important for the arrival of any others.

Having Grandparents involved in a childs life can be a wonderful thing. For me it's just more people who adore them. That's never a negative thing.

Glamorousglitter Sun 10-Jul-16 08:37:45

Why not add their name so DS doesn't get confused - granny X and granny y.

If it is baiting on behalf of your xh then ignore.

YABU because lots of children have 2 grans, nana s etc. It s nice for dc to have the opportunity to have a relationship with them, and can be quite invaluable to them.

wheresthel1ght Sun 10-Jul-16 08:40:21

Don't be so stupid! You do not own the rights to the word Grandma!!!

My dd only has a Granny as Grandma died when she was only a few weeks old but my niece has 2 Granny's as did my sister and I.

Chances are the woman has used grandma.

Ffs some exw really are insane!

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