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Is my husband a spy?

(107 Posts)
VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 22:43:12

He keeps disappearing suddenly "on business" and comes home a bit bruised and battered. He's not a boxer because he wears a suit. He won't tell me what he's doing. I also think he might be cheating on me when he's away.

I'd LTB but we have nice cars and he mixes nice cocktails.

JustABigBearAlan Sat 09-Jul-16 22:44:14

What sort of cocktails? Martini?

PatriciaHolm Sat 09-Jul-16 22:44:46

I'd be worried if I were you.

Bond's wife was killed on their wedding day.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sat 09-Jul-16 22:44:52

hmm

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 22:46:19

That was his first wife Patricia - but how did you lnow that??

ABloodyDifficultWoman Sat 09-Jul-16 22:46:40

Is this one of those stupid pretend threads? Ugh. I hate these. What's the point? hmm

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 22:47:22

Yes, Martinis. I prefer them Dirty but he insists on vodka.

listsandbudgets Sat 09-Jul-16 22:49:25

Only one way to find out. ... follow him

AmberNectarine Sat 09-Jul-16 22:50:56

I don't know, is he improbably old to be such an action man?

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Sat 09-Jul-16 22:52:30

Does his pen look normal? What about his cuff links?

gettingtherequickly Sat 09-Jul-16 22:54:12

Start mentioning specific letters with a knowing smile (like M or Q), see what his response is.

blankpieceofpaper Sat 09-Jul-16 22:57:50

Um, he's just left you then - and quit his 'job' - for another woman.

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 22:59:54

He's in his 40s, is obsessed with his fit bit and does the Park Run every Saturday.

He won't queue - not even for petrol. He'll drive to the next petrol station and say "I'm too important to queue."

He likes sweets. I've often heard him say "I love M&ms"

EdmundCleverClogs Sat 09-Jul-16 23:01:05

ABloodyDifficultWoman, oh dear you're not meant to say that, have to pretend to play along or just ignore it. Otherwise you'll get a thread full of people explaining that you 'lack a sense of humour' (or some crap like that).

PatriciaHolm Sat 09-Jul-16 23:04:28

I'm afraid his life story has been the subject of a number of lurid publications, OP. Does he happen to speak a number of languages?

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 23:04:31

DH has just read this threat & said "I'll sort that bloody difficult woman out and the other one as well." Don't know what he means by that as he's an accountant. I think.

KittensandKnitting Sat 09-Jul-16 23:05:05

biscuit

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 23:05:41

He sometimes wears cufflinks (but not the ones I buy him) and he keeps his pen in a special box.

VanillaSugar Sat 09-Jul-16 23:06:40

We once went to Spain and he spent a week under a free conjugating Spanish verbs.....

GarlicStake Sat 09-Jul-16 23:07:28

grin I like these threads!

dodobookends Sat 09-Jul-16 23:07:40

If he comes anywhere near you with a spray can of gold paint, run for the hills!

HairySubject Sat 09-Jul-16 23:08:11

He might be a pimp in a competitve market and have to keep defending his patch.

janethegirl2 Sat 09-Jul-16 23:08:34

I'll have some of what you've been drinkinggrin

PatriciaHolm Sat 09-Jul-16 23:08:41

Under a free what?
;-)

EdmundCleverClogs Sat 09-Jul-16 23:08:42

Your imaginary husband is making threats against women? He's a winner isn't he. Think you have more problems than his apparent line of work. hmm

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