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DD was missing, inside school, for 2 hours... I'm a bit concerned! AIBU?

(142 Posts)
FairyCakes2009 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:02:48

Hi there, about 5 years ago, I had an account, but never started any threads, so I'm a bit nervous! If I'm concerned over nothing, please don't flame me. I'm willing to listen.

My daughter (2nd daughter) is 6, she is in Year 1. The school do an end of year assembly; all the children take part, with each class doing their own little production. They have been practicing every morning (this was yesterday, obviously) and they do that at 9:30-10:30, in the school hall. DD asked to go to the toilet, half way through the practice, so I completely understand why her teacher wanted to say no. DD is very shy, so she wouldn't have asked again (I don't know if she did or didn't, but I'm 99% sure she wouldn't have)... DD wet herself, I'm not mad at the teacher for not allowing her to go, I am a bit "I really wish you let her" but they were in the middle of the practice, so she obviously hoped she could wait.

DD had managed to get out of the line (while they were walking back to their classroom) and went to hide in the toilets. By the way, this is my second daughter's account of what happened, with some of DD2's input. I'll get to why DD1 was involved, in just a second.

I have no idea if any teacher/staff member went to look for her, but DD1 was asked, at lunchtime (so 2 hours later) if she knew where her sister was. DD1, who is 10, had no idea... She went looking for her though, found her crying in the toilets, and brought her to her classroom. The TA got her a carrier bag to put her tights in, and provided her with some new underwear.

DD1 was staying over her friend's house last night, so I didn't hear any of this until today (friend's mum picked her up from school). DD2 told me she had wet herself, but that was it... However, when I asked her about it, she said pretty much the same thing as her sister.

I'm just a bit concerned that no one told me about this, or would a teacher not mention this? I'm not having a go at her teacher, I'm just genuinely curious if this is something that wouldn't be mentioned... I also don't like the fact that no one had seen her for 2 hours, she's only 6. I know she probably couldn't have gotten into any danger, but you never know.

Thank you for any advice that you may give x

Primaryteach87 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:07:01

I think you should ask to speak to the teacher and find out what they think happened. But at face value, obviously they should have at the very least told you that she had had an accident. I strongly suspect this is an issue to TA not communicating with the teacher. However how long your DD2 was alone upset in the toilet matters. If I'm honest, in mid rehersal I could imagine 'losing' her for a while but two hours seems a long time.

Go in and ask for clarification. Hopefully they will be suitable apologetic!

Foffyouwanker Sat 09-Jul-16 21:07:50

Yanbu! I would be asking for answers!!!

Orda1 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:09:48

Why are you blaming the TA primary? Surely it's the minimum expectation of a teacher to know where their children are!?

Op, YANBU.

sepa Sat 09-Jul-16 21:09:53

I think you should ask at the school. If it was actually 2hrs then I would be concerned (we had kids run away from school at primary school so a lot could have happened if no one noticed)

edwinbear Sat 09-Jul-16 21:13:08

YANBU in the slightest!! They lost a 6 year old for 2 hrs and went to ask a 10 year old if she had any ideas??!! All the while your 6 year old was scared, embarrassed and in tears in the loo? And they didn't think to mention it to you? I think you are being very calm about it all personally.

HippyHippopotamus Sat 09-Jul-16 21:17:51

Personally I'd be furious if this happened to my child.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Sat 09-Jul-16 21:22:01

You wouldn't have a go? I bloody well would if it all happened as stated. I'd have a pretty big fucking go if they didn't know where a child in their care was for two hours.

Primaryteach87 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:22:34

I wasn't blaming the TA for not knowing where she was, but if she was discovered at lunchtime it's possible the teacher didn't know why she's run off or that she'd wet herself. I found it really surprising that the Teacher didn't tell mum what had happened so could only speculate that he/she didn't actually know. All very odd.

You'll get more sense of what happened and why and ensuring it never happens again if you go in calmly.

I fully appreciate how distressing this must be for DD2. My heart goes out to her. Must be horrible for a mummy to hear this has happened.

SmogHog Sat 09-Jul-16 21:25:39

I would be very upset (am, actually) by this and would be very cross, but go in to ask, calmly, what happened and don't show your anger. I think this is quite serious. (Am a teacher, btw.)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 09-Jul-16 21:30:07

No one had noticed her missing for 2 hours, and. Even then they did "notice" you're dd 1 found her. What the fucking hell else is going on under their nose that goes unnoticed. That is terrible practice.
I'd be demanding answers!. Asking what security checks they have ect. Why they failed to notice a 6 year old baby basically. Missing. Did the teacher not do a head count before taking them back to class.
Check to see as well that they logged the incident. By law they have to, and. They must report to Ofsted.

Pearlman Sat 09-Jul-16 21:30:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogburglar99 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:33:46

Gawd no. They are not supposed to lose six year olds! Yes, of course stuff happens occasionally but if they really had no idea where she was for two hours, that is a big problem.

I do think it's worth going in with a view to clarifying though. Six year olds aren't known for their sense of time - say the practice ran over so when she slipped out of line it was more like elevenish. Then if the kids perhaps went straight out for morning play, back in somewhen between 11-11.30. If she was missed then, you could have had fifteen minutes of a TA frantically searching and then your elder DD being asked. Still a big deal in my book but not quite 'nobody having a clue where she was for two hours' awful.

Cagliostro Sat 09-Jul-16 21:34:29

If it happened as your DDs have said then I'd be more than a bit concerned sad

AnnaMarlowe Sat 09-Jul-16 21:35:16

I'd go into school on Monday morning and politely ask what happened.

If indeed she was lost for two hours without anyone noticing. I would no doubt be somewhat less polite while I asked for an investigation and a review of their procedure.

Keep your powder dry though, there may be another version.

DiggersRest Sat 09-Jul-16 21:39:12

Why are you not blaming the teacher? A child asked to go the toilet, she should not have been refused because it was a practice. I'd be expecting an apology tbh from the teacher for putting your dd2 through this. 2 hours she was missing?!

ExtraHotLatteToGo Sat 09-Jul-16 21:40:50

Bloody hell. Given that she didn't go to the toilets until they were in the line going back to their class, how the hell did they not know she was missing immediately? It would have been more understandable if they were rehearsing the whole time.

She's 6. What if she had decided to go home? Though admittedly most UK schools are like Fort Knox now, so maybe she couldn't get out?! But still, 2 hours is a long time for a child to be away from her teacher and her teacher not notice. Did the TA not think 'I wonder if X needs the toilet still?' Oh, where is X?'

On the other hand, I feel for the teachers in this climate with so many kids, so much expectation, so much stupid red tape and all the 'end of year' stuff.

It's almost the end of the year, my response would depend on the teacher involved. If I thought she was a good teacher who'd made a mistake & wouldn't be complacent about it I'd just have a word with her. If it was a slap dash teacher and I was 'unsurprised' by it, I'd speak to the head.

I feel for your DD. My teacher wouldn't let me go the toilets when I was about 7. I told her I was desperate and she told me I'd have to wait until after school. I remember standing behind my desk, with my chair up on it and the wee trickling down my leg...it was horrible. I've no recollection what happened, after that, just that moment.

Pearlman Sat 09-Jul-16 21:41:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheObserverOne Sat 09-Jul-16 21:44:19

Sorry but I think that's absolutely outrageous and I would be absolutely furious with the school for not even communicating with you that anything has happened!!angry
I am so angry for you op

DiggersRest Sat 09-Jul-16 21:44:51

They're 6, l have a 5 yo and if she needed to go I'd expect her to be able to. Why is it ok to restrict toilet breaks to children? ?

The child needs an apology from someone to show she matters. 2 hours stuck in the loo because she wet herself and no one noticed. Not acceptable.

Pearlman Sat 09-Jul-16 21:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EarthboundMisfit Sat 09-Jul-16 21:49:58

This is really awful OP. Your poor DD.

FairyCakes2009 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:54:21

Hi all, thank you very much for the replies. I was having a shower, sorry.

I definitely am concerned. I'm also very upset that my DD was crying on her own for 2 hours sad but I do love her teacher, she is very sweet. Her daughter died in a RTC, 4 years ago (when she was due to be DD1's teacher, but couldn't be) so I really do feel for her and would hate to make her feel like shit.

I'm not happy with their toilet policy, especially for KS1, but I have heard it's the same for a lot of schools? Do I just ask her on Monday? I'm a bit annoyed that no one told me, if she would have told me about it, I would have let it go, due to what a great teacher she is... I'm just sad that I wasn't.

Also, to the posters saying it may be a completely different story. If my 6 year old told me that, I'd assume she had gotten the time frame wrong, but I doubt my 10 year old didn't realise it was break, instead of lunch. Especially as KS1 and KS2 have different breaks. However, I agree about 6 year olds. She frequently comes home and tells me that an elephant is the new class pet... grin We have to talk about this elephant all the time!

Pearlman Sat 09-Jul-16 21:58:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeponeday Sat 09-Jul-16 22:00:10

Pearlman you can't apply secondary policies and habits to 6 year olds in Yr 1. A secondary teacher has a huge number of kids passing through their classroom and couldn't begin to notice at all times whether they were present and correct - primary, and yes, they should notice as they have the same group all day, and the children are so much more vulnerable. Similarly you need to be more aware of toileting needs in a Yr 1 class - some will still be 5, even at this stage in the school year, and accidents will be inevitable if they aren't allowed toilet breaks pretty much on request.

I have a seven year old. I genuinely can't imagine this happening in my son's school.

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