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AIBU to miss those passionate early days

(14 Posts)
crankles Sat 09-Jul-16 20:35:20

DH and I have been together for over 10 years. We have two children and generally have a happy time of it. Recently I have been day dreaming about having an affair, to have those passionate early days with someone. I don't want to leave my family, I just want a bit of excitement. I have tried suggesting things to DH, but he's pretty lazy these days, works long hours, 5 nights out of 7 falls asleep on the sofa, that kind of thing. I dunno, I just miss those butterflies and that feeling of passion. Is there any way to re-ignite it?

maggiethemagpie Sat 09-Jul-16 21:04:59

I once heard that passion requires uncertainty. I too miss the passionate early days, but only from the vantage point of knowing it all worked out. There's never that security in the beginning, and I'd rather have the security than the passion, if the passion goes hand in hand with fearing it may not last.

YvaineStormhold Sat 09-Jul-16 21:06:46

Jesus, don't have an affair to get passion.

You'll get guilt and probably a divorce into the bargain.

Ondasp Sat 09-Jul-16 21:09:19

I totally understand how you feel OP, in fact I have been having similar thoughts in the last fee days. However I would never ever act on them, I am too happy with DH.

headinhands Sat 09-Jul-16 21:12:51

If it's passion you want take the lead. Tell him you want some steamy sex and make some time to do it. What turns him on?

Iggi999 Sat 09-Jul-16 21:44:26

A holiday usually does it for me, change of scene etc.

Princesspinkgirl Sat 09-Jul-16 21:53:00

I'm with a new dp about 4 and a half months now we still have passion but it has dropped a bit due to working hours I wouldn't have a affair you need to talk to your dh and say you would like such and such

weegiemum Sat 09-Jul-16 22:00:01

We've been together 25 years and are currently on holiday with our teenage dc (I'm on mn tonight because dh is watching a film with ds).

Passion has certainly come back in the last week! We might both be on the lazy side of 40 but its been a great holiday grin

Don't envision an affair - find an easier way to rekindle some excitement!

KanyesVest Sat 09-Jul-16 22:18:05

Very similar situation here, op. I've suggested things to dh but he's lazy comfortable. I had a delicious dream about a rugby player earlier in the week. Definitely don't have the energy for an affair, and if I had the spare time, I'd sleep...

SaucyJack Sat 09-Jul-16 22:21:30

How are you for babysitters?

Could you not just book a weekend away? Seems less hassle in the long run than an affair.

Favouritethings Sat 09-Jul-16 22:50:58

Do you still fancy dh?

crankles Sat 09-Jul-16 22:53:21

I don't want to have an affair really, I just want that feeling, and I know that it fades after a while, but we are both so lazy, we try to make time for each other, but his working hours mean he is asleep in front of the tv most nights. Our sex life is ok, but not what I'd like it to be. I try different things and make the effort, cook a romantic meal, light candles etc. I just miss that adrenalin, the buzz from date night, when you cant keep your hands off one another, that kind of feeling. No family nearby to have the kids overnight otherwise I would organise a night away asap (like Claire and Phil Dunphy in Modern Family)..!

fusionconfusion Sat 09-Jul-16 23:01:30

I am with dh now for 18 years, we have three young kids. This year was the first time I ever seriously had that affair-contemplation (and it threw me hugely as my crush was a woman and I hadn't had a serious same sex attraction since before I met him). I think it's just standard mortality related middle aged angst... the feeling life is not being fully lived, groundhog day on repeat, all that. Life is tough and stressful for most these days. I love lots about my life but I do miss that sense of freedom and spontaneity, and not just romantically/sexually. Just the sheer ability to decide to do something playful and do it without planning months in advance.

This too shall pass! Nothing surer than that in life.

headinhands Sun 10-Jul-16 16:36:00

Me and DH still have periods of intense passion but it comes and goes. I think what helps is that even when we're not feeling the urge we're still affectionate with each other. If you know what turns him on use it! And don't worry about not having sitters. We have a lock on the bedroom door ;)

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