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To think SIL is BU about Facebook photos of DNiece?

(58 Posts)
SamanthaBrique Sat 09-Jul-16 15:55:58

DN (2yo) was over recently, playing with DS (also 2) and they decided to play hide and seek. I could see DN and DS hiding behind the curtains and their feet were sticking out the bottom. It looked very cute so I snapped a photo and uploaded it to FB with a caption along the lines of having two little intruders in the house.

However SIL later saw this and sent me a long message about how she wants tone private and doesn't want any photos of DN on social media and how could I do such a thing etc etc. I took the photo down immediately of course, but given that all that could be seen of DS and DN was their feet, was she being a bit unreasonable in her response?

Queensbelfastvcisasexistprat Sat 09-Jul-16 15:58:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyTwo Sat 09-Jul-16 16:00:11

No she sounds ridiculously precious. I'm sure she thinks her child will be scarred for life now that her feet are on fb for the world to see.

branofthemist Sat 09-Jul-16 16:02:06

It maybe that she other people she doesn't want any photos on social media. And this (she feels) muddys the water and in the long run it's easier.

Buggers Sat 09-Jul-16 16:02:42

If someone doesn't have photos of their dc on their Facebook then yabu to not check it's ok before posting it. If you knew sil doesn't like photos on there then yabvu to do so anyway.

ElspethFlashman Sat 09-Jul-16 16:03:57

Well her tone was OTT definitely. She needs to dial down the righteous indignation.

But I personally think it's polite to ask the mum first - or at least give her a vague warning ("Look at this pic I just took! So funny, lol! Mind if I FB it?") so she can head it off and ask you not to.

I have a No FB rule for pics of the kids - people have different reasons but mine is principally that I want them to enjoy the privilege of the same anonymity that I enjoyed growing up in the pre-tech era. I want the images of them that float about in cyberspace to be ultimately their choice.

So whilst I wouldn't write a snotty email I would lightly ask if you could take it down, even if it was just feet.

OlennasWimple Sat 09-Jul-16 16:04:04

What bran said - we have a total ban because it's just easier to say no photos than "only non-identifying photos" and get drawn into debate about whether a particular three quarter head shot is identifying or not

CamilleClaudel Sat 09-Jul-16 16:15:16

I don't allow photos of my four year old on social media. I would be highly unlikely to have sent you streams of vitriol, but I would have asked you to take it down, and I would certainly have expected you to ask first.

AnnaMarlowe Sat 09-Jul-16 16:19:58

Perhaps she just thinks it's the thin end of the wedge? Easier to have a clear rule.

VashtaNerada Sat 09-Jul-16 16:26:46

I know some children who can't have their photos on social media because of adoption or whatever but... their feet? Seriously?? I think it's a massive overreaction and I'd find it hard to keep a straight face.

ElspethFlashman Sat 09-Jul-16 16:27:54

People who post pics of kids on FB tend to have a Oh it's no big deal type of attitude.

I think she suspects that today it's the feet but tomorrow it could be their faces.

EweAreHere Sat 09-Jul-16 16:30:36

If you could only see their feet, she's beyond ridiculous.

But you'll have to roll with it, so don't post pics of her kid, even if she is completely unidentifiable.

Pearlman Sat 09-Jul-16 17:17:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WiMoChi Sat 09-Jul-16 17:22:48

Have to agree. Nip it in the bud and set firm, easy to understand boundaries so no one gets upset. You should ask before you put photos of other people's kids on FB etc

RaeSkywalker Sat 09-Jul-16 17:24:19

As others have said, if SIL 'allowed' yours it would be harder to say no to others who did this. If she doesn't want photos up, that's up to her. Her tone wasn't great though!

coconutpie Sat 09-Jul-16 17:26:02

YABVVVVU to post pics of someone else's DC on Facebook - even if it's just feet in the pic. Why did you think it was ok? It's really poor form to do so.

WalkingZed Sat 09-Jul-16 17:30:22

What are the dangers of posting pictures of your children on social media? Serious question.

I have a few pictures of my children on Facebook but always feel I shouldn't yet I don't know why!

branofthemist Sat 09-Jul-16 17:32:05

It's not about danger for some people. It's about privacy.

Some people don't want their kids on social media. Their call to make really.

If other people are posting them, there is no control over who sees them.

Natsku Sat 09-Jul-16 17:37:35

Overreaction on her part but I expect its for the same reason that others have said - to have a clear line so there's no debating about grey areas.

FuzzyOwl Sat 09-Jul-16 17:45:09

I think you were being unreasonable to post the pictures and completely understand where your SIL is coming from. I also can't believe that you were unaware of her no social media/FB rule as you must have noticed no photographs of her child in the two years she has had her.

gamerchick Sat 09-Jul-16 17:47:47

Maybe they're special feet...

FuzzyOwl Sat 09-Jul-16 17:51:05

WalkingZed I have heard of people copying pictures and using them to pass off as their own child or for their own purposes. I have never known anyone it has happened to, although I have done with scan photographs. I suppose part of the issue of privacy is the fact that as a parent you can choose so many things for your child but an uploaded photograph is always on the internet (no one should be naive enough to think that deleting it gets rid of it) and with photoshop today, that child's face can be superimposed onto anything. You also run the risk of times when SS etc are involved revealing a child's location or identity. Mainly though, I think it is a parenting choice in the same way some parents decide their child eats a certain thing, they decide what is and isn't published for the world to see.

I have to admit to being very glad that social media wasn't around when I was a child because pictures my parents have of me that they think are cute, could be ones I think of as awful and would be really embarrassed by - especially if friends or employers saw them.

BengalCatMum Sat 09-Jul-16 17:51:22

Don't have DC yet, so this opinion is most likely pointless.

But feet to me are just feet. If you tagged the childs feet with an identifiable 'tag' (ie. their name) then this is more an issue.

But if you just tagged your own DC, and didn't mention who it was or tag SIL's DC then I have no idea how that is crossing privacy lines.

Your DC's life experience is just as valid as SIL DC's; so to have to remove picture of your DC playing because SIL DC's feet are in it does sound mad.

If SIL DC's had been at wedding/ family event and accidentally been captured in background of photo (full head/ body shot - fully identifiable but w/out tag) would SIL expect the poster to take it down? Because to me that sounds unreasonable; and the feet thing is not even comparable to this.

gamerchick Sat 09-Jul-16 17:55:08

Can you edit the picture and scribble the feet out then upload it again? I don't think I could resist.

FuzzyOwl Sat 09-Jul-16 18:10:07

BengalCatMum how would you feel if you were in the background of a wedding picture and it was the most unflattering shot imaginable of you or one where your dress had come down/ridden up or just something you were generally unhappy with - surely you would expect the poster to either have the manners to check before uploading it or to take it down when asked and think they were unreasonable not to. I know it is different to feet but the SIL clearly has made it clear that her child's pictures are not to go on social media and the op has disregarded this.

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