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(11 Posts)
Balanced12 Sat 09-Jul-16 11:54:55

Posting here for traffic, need a neutral opinion.

Just dropped off DD (5yo) with her dad he has her a day every other weekend. He started an argument when I dropped her off, DD was behind him with DN. He wants to be a part of her activity she does but he's very unreliable we've tried before so he got arsey and shut the door.

I've left but feel I should go get her back? But he's not going to answer is he? I should just collect as arranged?

I don't know how she feels, have I abandoned her?


Balanced12 Sat 09-Jul-16 11:57:07

*when I said he can't be a part of the activity he's used all his chances up. He 'forgot' her 9 times in a month - then we went to court which is where the 7 hours every other weekend came from, which he often misses.

Wolfiefan Sat 09-Jul-16 11:58:02

I don't understand. You dropped her off. There was an argument. How does that mean she's going to think you've abandoned her?

Balanced12 Sat 09-Jul-16 11:59:01

Because i've left her with a confrontational idiot.

Yankeetarts Sat 09-Jul-16 12:01:00

Well she won't see him as anything but her dad

Pinkheart5915 Sat 09-Jul-16 12:01:03

He's her dad and unless you have a genuine reason to think she isn't safe then of course you don't go back you collect as arranged.

19lottie82 Sat 09-Jul-16 12:02:13

OP, she'd prob be more upset if you changed the plans and took her back home.

What's the harm in saying yes he can come, and if he doesn't make it, no harm done (don't tell your DD he has said he would come?)

branofthemist Sat 09-Jul-16 12:09:35

Do you really believe she feels abandoned or are you wanting to get back at him?

I can't see how picking her up early is going to help the situation. Only make it worse.

Balanced12 Sat 09-Jul-16 12:18:56

Thank you, would be daft to return and your right she will feel she's with her dad. I hate confrontation and I am trying to no longer be a door mat.

With the activity you drop them off and then pick them up an hour later you don't get to watch so I'd rather just do it myself also he contributes nothing financially he is being chased by the csa but is self employed so thats not going well.

When I do everything and pay everything I don't see why he should get to be a part of the activity.

For what it's worth he walked out just before she was born and had been seeing someone since before we decided to start trying for her. In my opinion he's never been a full time dad taking months / a year at one point out, but he wants me to facilitate him taking her to activities - that's my fun bit !

branofthemist Sat 09-Jul-16 12:30:35

Would she like him to be part of it?

That's what you need to be thinking about. I totally get its your fun but and he is not paying and I can see you point of view.

Part me thinks he should piss right off. But part of me thinks you should do what makes her happy. That may be different in every situation.

Balanced12 Sat 09-Jul-16 12:41:27

Good point bran I'll ask her.

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