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AIBU?

Can you date someone...

34 replies

Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 22:57

Who you like but who sometimes makes you cringe a bit

It's very early days and he's sweet but sometimes I cringe (inwardly) with things he says etc. Maybe it's me. I'm pissed

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Oysterbabe · 08/07/2016 22:59

Give us an example.

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:00

I know this sounds ridiculous but we have been messaging a bit after and he sometimes uses expressions I use. I'm not sure if it's an attempt to make me like him more?! It's put me off a bit

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MiddleClassProblem · 08/07/2016 23:01

It depends if it's a cringe "that's gross" or a cringe "not my cuppa" (as in humour/cheese etc)

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:01

So there's a few expressions that I always use and he has just wedged them into our messages together. On a date when I was talking about places I had been to/wanted to go to he mentioned all the same ones I had previously spoken about

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MiddleClassProblem · 08/07/2016 23:01

Like what?

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MiddleClassProblem · 08/07/2016 23:02

That's less cringe and more trying too hard/not natural

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:02

Just makes me feel a bit, I don't know, weird. I'd rather see what he's like!

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:02

Exactly, exactly, both of those things. I don't like it!

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thedragonflyinn · 08/07/2016 23:03

In my experience, if you're cringing this early in the relationship it will only get worse. I had a similar experience and persevered thinking that eventually the things that made me cringe would eventually become cute quirks I loved about him-they didn't!

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:04

I want to shake him and tell him to be himself.

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MiddleClassProblem · 08/07/2016 23:06

If you want to keep trying then maybe try to encourage him to go first with answers. For me that would be a big no though

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SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 08/07/2016 23:07

Hmmmmm sounds imbalanced to me. He's trying too hard to impress you and you want to shake him. Don't think that sounds great if I'm honest.

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:09

I don't actually want to shake him, I think he's nice! I would just like to get to know the real him... And not sure why he's trying so hard

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:09

I want to ask if there's any point in persevering, like do you think he will become more open?!

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acasualobserver · 08/07/2016 23:10

Is he good in bed?

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:10

Not sure yet casual, just kissed. He's shy by the way.

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Nothavingfunrightnow · 08/07/2016 23:11

Move on! He is mirroring you and even if he is as genuine as he could be, you will tire of him.

Why should you work so hard to be comfortable with him?

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Cabrinha · 08/07/2016 23:11

I don't think it's the mirroring as much as your gut feel about someone.
If you like them and they copy your expressions, you're all "ha! I love him, he's adopted my language".
If your gut says no, the same behaviour will make you cringe.

I dated (OLD) one that did this - language a bit, but mostly the I-like-what-you-like stuff, and frankly the hero worship made me want to murder him!

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SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 08/07/2016 23:14

If you like them and they copy your expressions, you're all "ha! I love him, he's adopted my language".
If your gut says no, the same behaviour will make you cringe.

YY to this^^. If he makes you cringe, then how can you have a decent relationship? I don't have anyone in my life who makes me cringe (ok my parents when I was a teenager maybe, but not since then). It sounds hard work.

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daisychain01 · 08/07/2016 23:15

He's probably been swotting up on his psychobable. All that stuff about 'mirroring', similar mannerisms as you, same words you use, so it makes you feel he's the same "type" of person etc.

Have you tried repeating a few things he comes out accidentally on purpose to see if he notices?

To be honest, my DH does it with me and I find it subliminally comforting, sort of "in harmony" and all that crap yes I'm weird

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daisychain01 · 08/07/2016 23:18

Lots of X posting mirroring going on.

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SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 08/07/2016 23:19

daisy.

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Halftheworldaway · 08/07/2016 23:25

I definitely understand the logic behind it. It's just it has literally been our second date (short of messaging in between) and I like him, but would like to get to know the real him!!

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CoolCarrie · 08/07/2016 23:31

Give it time, esp if he is a shy guy.

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Illias · 08/07/2016 23:32

Ahh, there were plenty of times I cringed when I was getting to know my now DP! And he's absolutely amazing! Just wasn't really my type when we were getting to know each other, but at the same time I found him so intriguing and interesting that I knew there was something in it. Even now some of the things he says I'm like "that's a weird phrase" or whatever but I absolutely adore him and wouldn't change him for the world!