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AIBU to be annoyed with DM oversharing?

(4 Posts)
ILoveAGoodBrusselSprout Fri 08-Jul-16 14:51:55

First off, I love my DM. She supports us in so many ways - helps with kids, is generous financially, is loving and kind.

Of course we've had issues - she can be a little interfering (but does try to reign it in when it's raised), she can be a bit domineering (but with the best will for her family), she often doesn't listen, especially with things that concern the kids and we've had a few problems when she's done the opposite of what DH and I have asked. None of this is particularly unusual for a DM/DGM, right?

I really need to know if IABU in this circumstance as its unprecedented. I'm happy to be told that yes, IABU and I should put up with it for the sake of family harmony.

I'm quite a private person. I don't go telling many people my business in RL. I've recently had major surgery with a long recovery time and have had many kind messages asking for me. Generally I say, "I'm doing great thanks," or "Up and down but I'm getting there." DM, on the other hand, tells EVERYONE everything. When I say everyone, I mean all her gold club friends, acquaintances and visitors, all of her health club friends (as per golf club), all neighbours, all extended family, Facebook friends she hasn't seen for 10 years, people she bumps into at the shops. You get the idea. And it's no-holds-barred really personal information. For example, the thing that has really upset me is her giving everyone a blow-by-blow account of an issue I had with withdrawal from extremely heavy painkillers. I don't want people to know that!

She has form for this. If you share a problem with her, it becomes her problem. She then feels she needs to share 'her' problem and talk to people about it, rather than recognising that it's my problem and she should just keep it to herself.

In response to this, I've stopped giving her too much info. I tend not to talk out my problems with her - if I need to, I'll chat with DH or friends. On this occasion though, I had no choice. She loves me, she visits, she sees what's going on and sometimes, there are things that you just can't hide.

Do I create a fuss about this and tell her how much her oversharing has upset me? Or do I just shut up, accept it and hopefully never let her have the knowledge to over share in the future?

zzzzz Fri 08-Jul-16 14:55:38

You tell her and also accept that it wasn't malicious you just have different boundaries.

HesterBlue Fri 08-Jul-16 16:12:20

You need to tell her. She shouldn't be sharing your personal medical information (or your news, personal decisions, issues or problems). Otherwise, it could be difficult to not share anything of importance with her ever again if you see her quite a bit?

CigarsofthePharoahs Fri 08-Jul-16 16:27:44

I have had similar problems with my own mother. Like yours she is a wonderful person who has done a lot to help me over recent years but I'm fed up of not knowing what information I can and can't share with her as she will start blabbing it out.
I have health problems at the moment and I discovered she's been telling her pen pals all about them. Apparently it's ok as I don't really know them and I shouldn't be cross as they were all showing concern.
I've explained to her a number of times that my personal information is just that - PERSONAL! I still don't think she understands what I mean.

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