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To think this is an unfair judgement on a 6 year old?

(23 Posts)
Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 10:57:27

My DS is 6 nearly 7. He has had speech and language therapy since he was 2. In a recent assessment they have said his speech and language is within normal limits and he no longer requires therapy.

In November he was assessed by an educational psychologist (we still do not know the reason for this!) Her concerns were his elaborate explanation of things, basically he goes all round the houses to tell a story; much like my husband does. I don't really see that as being an issue but more of a personality trait. Her primary concern was his relationships most particularly that he doesn't have friends over from school. Now my DS is a popular boy, he has lots of friends in school and does a few after school activities. He often asks for friends over from school but because of our work commitments it is not often doable. None of his teachers have ever mentioned concerns over his friendships or social skills.

AIBU to think that an educational psychologist can base concerns for 'social skills' on the fact that we as parents are often unable to accommodate a class friend for tea!?

LaurieFairyCake Fri 08-Jul-16 11:14:33

Surely it's just a 'note'. And not a recommendation.

As in 'I note that your kid sees other kids at activities twice a week and not seven times a week'

LaurieFairyCake Fri 08-Jul-16 11:14:51

How is it worded?

wheresthel1ght Fri 08-Jul-16 11:18:59

Certain educational psychs are brilliant, others are appalling band get themselves tied up in being desperate to label kids. My dss is very like yours and we have had years of a particular ed psych getting his knickers in a twist about Dss having some form of asd. Not a single other person (other than his mum) agreed with his diagnosis and since starting high school it has been completely dismissed.

Dss is a bit odd but mainly because of his upbringing. His mum is exceptional antisocial, doesn't have friends particularly and doesn't allow play dates (her bf is a proper weirdo and won't have other kids in the house), she has never done the kids a birthday party where they can invite friends etc and looks very confused when he does stuff when at ours. Consequently he had very few friends at primary school.

My point is if you are happy there is nothing wrong then ignore the Ed psych

GreatFuckability Fri 08-Jul-16 11:19:15

So, what has she recommended happened based on her findings?there is no 'judgement' involved here, its just something to be aware of. people who are trained to notice such things are far more aware than you or I.

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 11:32:30

I should have mentioned, we are still waiting a report on her findings. Because we have been waiting so long I went along to my DS speech and language session this week, at which I asked one of the teachers about the ed psych report and she told me this:

The Ed psych wants to see him again because she is concerned about his friendships - he doesn't often have class mates over after school.

confused Surely that is not grounds to be assessing a child. Especially as it's not his choice to not have friends over but more that it's just not often feasible!

abbsismyhero Fri 08-Jul-16 11:34:13

what does she recommend as a course of action? honestly he is 6 children dont always go to others houses at that age it totally depends on the school and at that age it depends if the parents are friends more than anything

HeddaGarbled Fri 08-Jul-16 11:49:01

I would wait until you see the report before you get annoyed about this. At the moment you are reacting to one bit of hearsay.

PatriciaHolm Fri 08-Jul-16 11:54:20

You are currently going on second or third hand interpretation of something. I would wait until you actually see the report and don't go in frothing about something that at present you have no idea about.

JudyCoolibar Fri 08-Jul-16 11:55:44

You're only getting this second hand, the teacher probably isn't reporting fully what the EP said. Can you contact the EP direct?

I can see circumstances where someone might take the view that the elaborate explanations flag up a possible social communication disorder; it's around not being able to sort out what is and is not relevant, and not being aware that you're losing your listeners' attention. On its own it's probably not a big deal, especially at 6, but she may feel she has to double check.

I am however surprised that you view this in terms of fairness and unfairness. No-one is judging your child, they're just checking whether he might need a bit of extra support. If I were you I'd be quite grateful that they're being so careful.

Mycatsabastard Fri 08-Jul-16 12:07:25

My DSD goes a long way round the houses before actually getting to the fucking point of anything she's trying to tell us. She's 13, has lots of friends and is doing well at school. She just finds it hard to get to the point of the story without a three hour description of everything else!!

mirime Fri 08-Jul-16 12:08:33

I don't remember having friends over/visiting friends before junior school, so about 8 years and up. Apart from birthday parties. I don't think that was unusual.

It sounds like an odd thing to make a fuss over to me!

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 12:16:18

Judgement was perhaps the wrong word to use. It's just taking an awful long time to get a report, he was meant to be seen again in spring term, which is almost over! I have rang to speak to the EP a few times and I'm always waiting for a call back that never happens, feel like I'm in limbo, banging my head against a wall. I realise it's information from a second party but it is a teacher that was involved in the assessment. It seems to be an odd thing to pick up on, like so what if he doesn't have friends over after school, particularly as none of his teachers have ever had concerns about friendships and he scores 4/5 in his social development in school reports.

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 12:18:26

I should also point out that we have never ever worried or had concerns over his friendships or social skills but this uncertainty is making me a paranoid wreck!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 08-Jul-16 12:22:03

Don't react before you see the report.

That said I imagine it'll say that he is social in school but doesn't seem to have many out of school friends, and this could be facilitated by having children over for tea etc - or that he's lacking that element of friendship because he doesn't socialise with school friends outside of school, rather than the random statement you've been told.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Fri 08-Jul-16 12:27:09

My boys have never had a friend round after school because it's not possible confused they attend a SALT unit at a school out of catchment so they are bussed in every day.

Their Ed Psych did an assessment about three weeks ago and that wasn't mentioned - not sure why it would be? The fact that they are popular (as is your boy) is enough surely?

I agree not all Ed Psych's are good - the first one that assessed my twins didn't even bother doing a separate report for the two of them. He did one between two. I was so annoyed.

(Also I think going all round the house when telling a story is totally normal!)

t4gnut Fri 08-Jul-16 12:30:07

The ed psych is looking for indicators - one sided monologue explanations that don't take account the other person and not forming friendship groups start to flag up indications of autistic spectrum conditions. Not saying is, but its a harder job to be an ed psych than you think.

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 12:50:34

I see your point T4 but it's not one sided monologue, just long winded story telling/explaining. My point is he HAS friends he gets on well with. But surely not having friends over after school should be no concern of the EP, especially if he has good friendships in school.

MatildaTheCat Fri 08-Jul-16 13:01:03

Are you sure that it isn't you who feels judged? It's difficult if you can't have friends for tea but perhaps her comments have made you feel judged in some way?

youarenotkiddingme Fri 08-Jul-16 13:29:54

I was going to say what matilda did. But also add that you don't need to feel guilty.

My DS didn't often have play dates. I work but they could have been facilitated - and occasionally was. He saw plenty of people outside of school - or had the opportunity to. In fact if you count after school club he had daily play dates!

He still has ASD.

The ed pysch may be overanalysing - but trust me that's better than one who doesn't recognise and children go unsupported.

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 13:42:15

*Matilda youare
I suppose I do in some way and I do feel guilty that he hasn't had friends over that often, because he certainly wishes he could. I also feel like it's just a little intrusive.

Iaintsorry Fri 08-Jul-16 13:42:48

*Matilda youare
I suppose I do in some way and I do feel guilty that he hasn't had friends over that often, because he certainly wishes he could. I also feel like it's just a little intrusive.

youarenotkiddingme Fri 08-Jul-16 16:06:42

You don't need to feel guilty though. Working parents are very usual nowadays. My best friend has always worked like I do and her DDs are 2 of the most sociable kids I know. They never had play dates.

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