To dislike being married to a teacher at this time of year?(52 Posts)
DH is a private school teacher and will start his 8 week summer holidays next week.
He's already moaning that he's going to have to go in for about 2 weeks of prep during the holidays.
We both work full time and DS is at nursery so over the summer break DH is only going to have to do 5 days of childcare in total (and we also have 1.5 weeks off all together).
To be fair to DH, I know he'll get bored a week in and start doing some household jobs. But I'm 24 weeks pregnant and shattered and really resenting the time to himself. I also want him to offer to do the majority of nursery drop offs and pick ups as he can then do what he likes during the day (including going back to bed!)
I know I'm going to be appreciative of free summer holiday childcare when we have school-aged kids (and DH won't know what has hit him then!!) but AIBU to be just a bit resentful and to expect him to offer to do for more nursery drop offs and to give me more lie-ins at weekends now? Or I am just being tired and grumpy??
Not at all unreasonable bit have you spoken to him. I take it as a given he will do drop offs and pick ups and jobs round the house etc he is basically a shap for those weeks with the added benefit of nursery.
My husband is a headmaster but he had a normal job for years before teaching. The holidays are a massive bonus and part of being a teacher. He doesn't think he "needs" almost 5 months holiday a year although he obviously doesn't complain. I am the main earner and get about 2 weeks off a year because I can only go when work is on shutdown. But it's horses for courses, I wouldn't want to be a teacher, even for the holidays.
I think you're setting yourself up for being angry by waiting for him to offer rather than just telling him what you want him to do. I have wasted so much energy waiting for my dh to see the floor needs hoovering and do it rather than just saying "would you Hoover please?"
Just talk to him about what you want him to do.
Also he IS on holiday! He has a job where he gets long holidays. Anyone can do a PGCE and be a teacher, if you want those holidays just train. Personally I think it's a miserable job and would rather work 50 weeks.
At 24 weeks pregnant I can understand your frustration, but honestly, use this to your advantage. Tell DH what you want him to do, he can take on the lion's share of the housework/pick ups/drop offs etc and your life can be a little easier for a while. Once the children are school age then he will have to have them all day in the school holidays and then it will balance out.
Like Whinyleonard said, I wouldn't want to be a teacher even for the holidays. And I was one!
Out of curiosity, why are you paying for DS to go to nursery when DH is at home?
I'm a sahm so I'm just wondering what the hell me and dh are going to tall about for 7 whole weeks!
Can you be direct with your dh and tell him what you want him to do?
They'd have to pay for the place whether the child attends or not surely Minty? That's hoW it works here anyway.
Ha, CraftyPenguin! I remember really looking forward to him being off when I was on maternity leave and then realising it was a bit of a disruption to my well-organised schedule!
We do have to pay nursery fees all year round - there were no local termtime only options.
This has been helpful, thanks all! I was feeling ranty as I'm tired and often work more evenings too. However, I hadn't considered the stresses of working in a school (compared to an office) and the fact he will be tired too. Plus I had forgotten the benefits of having him around for some of mat leave before I wrote it above.
I had previously asked about more drop-offs and he had jokingly said 'what about my lie-in?' which didn't help one bit!! So I need to raise properly again and explain that it would be amazing to reduce my commute by 30 mins at the moment if he can do drop-offs instead!
Surely no one only gets two weeks holiday if they work on the UK?
Given your DS is in nursery I think it would be fair for him to do 3 week day drop offs and all pick ups. That means he gets two days where he doesn't have to get up and you can have both weekend days.
I'm a teacher and the holidays are fabulous but I also have 3 kids so some days are such hardwork basically making sure they don't tear strips off each other.
Stealth Getting the legal minimum holiday allowance is one thing, being able to take can be another
Mintychoc1 Presumably they need to keep the nursery place, especially if OP is having another baby soon.
I think you should be sharing nursery pick ups and drop offs all the time, not just during the holidays! Plus by the time the holidays are over, you'll be 33 weeks pregnant and presumably only a few weeks of starting maternity leave, so I'd get into the habit of sharing nursery duties now.
My DH is a teacher and he is on holiday already (he finished earlier than the DCs is at a private school). He will willingly do the school runs (our DCs are 5 and 7), house work etc. He looks after the DCs during the school holidays, and still manages to do some house work and also take them out most days for activities.
You will be grateful for the childcare when your DCs are older.
Explain to him you're really tired and ask if there's any chance he can do the drop offs and pick ups while he's off (but giving him allowances if he wants to say visit family further afield, do something fun with his mates etc and won't be around, or not do a couple of mornings so he can have a lie in).
I still don't get why DS is going to Nursery.
I also have to pay full year round but that doesn't mean my DC have to be there. Although I pay the fee's my DC are spending time at home. It's not ideal but I couldn't imagine sending them in and being at home without them every day.
Starfish I don't know where to start with your post.
Any chance? Give him allowances?
The OP is pregnant with his child. He can't do much about that, but he can certainly make her life more comfortable. And in my view that's the least he can do.
I am well aware how stressful a job he has but he is off for 8 whole weeks. The OP is not. I think he can do a lot more to share the parenting role by taking more on during this time.
Don't ask "is there any chance etc". Work out what sounds fair and tell him what is happening. If he wants to negotiate that is up to him. I have been in the situation with a paid nursery place in the summer and we used less than 50% of time paid for - so DC could have a break too.
OP when you are on hols and if this is a time when your DH is at school, what would happen?
Would you say 'Oh it's my hols so I'm entitled to a lie in. Just take the dcs to nursery' or would want to help n the grounds yoou have all day to help?
Would you actually take the dcs to nursery or would you want to spend more time with them, do some stuff together (even this still go to nursery some of the time, at least not to disrupt their routine too much)?
I don't know but I always felt VERY bad to take my dcs to nursery when I was on hols. For a change, I had the opportunity to spend time with them so I wanted to make the best of it.
The thing is with being a teacher/a working parent, you are still a parent and the fact you are tired doesn't suddenly means you aren't responsible anymore.
So I would TELL him (not ask tentatively!) that he is taking the dcs to nursery. I would alk him if he has planned to spend some time with said DC too (maybe a dat out from time to time or a reduced day etc...). He is on hols, he is the one responsible for the dcs, the same way you would be responsible, I'm sure, for the same dcs when you will be on ML.
My sister (Accountant) would never keep her DC's off nursery when they were off because it was paid for, I could never understand that logic and I don't want to be away from my DC anymore than I have to.
Will he not take your DC out of nursery at all? some fun days out? one of my happiest memories with my nearly 4 yo is an impromptu day off mid week as I had no childcare and took the day off.
Also have to add that my Dad was a teacher and I have great memories of summer holidays, not theme parks or anything else mega busy but mucking around with a picnic on a river back, country bike rides and walks, day trips to the beach, is your DH likely to do that in the future?
Most people work year round and get five or six weeks off total.
I don't think it is unreasonable to expect him to do some of the runs but if you acknowledge he works hard in term time and deserves something of a break you could split them fifty fifty so you both benefit?
As for nursery. I wouldn't send the kids every day just because you've paid for it. Enjoy spending time with them, do more things as a family. By all means send them in some days but don't exclude them totally from what is family holiday time.
As for waiting for him to offer......why? You are simply setting yourself for resentment. Have an adult conversation about what you both think would be fair in the holidays.
Of course he should do drop offs. He's going to have loads of free time. When I was a teacher I managed to get a term-time only contract at nursery which was great. It did mean I never got any time to myself though. Your dh can always take dc out of nursery on days he can't be bothered to do the drop off! Mind you, just having to drop off and pick up when you get a whole day to yourself hardly a real hardship.
why are u waiting? the man is off work for 8 weeeks! uyes i get his job is hard but isnt yours?
what happens on weekends do u have to get with the kids or does he help
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