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AIBU to think I did nothing wrong?

(22 Posts)
changedmyname12345 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:13:26

Put this in chat but genuinely wondering if I did something wrong or not?

I had a friend who I'd met a few years ago on a holiday - our children were a similar age and we were both single parents. We got on well, though I found her a bit full on - I'm a bit of an introvert and like company sometimes but not always. I found her a bit needy but still enjoyed her company mostly and our kids got on. I was quite happy to just see her occasionally as we live about 100 miles away and both have busy lives working full time etc. In the last four years since I've met her I've met someone and my partner and his four children (plus my two) and I all live together (so no longer a single parent).

I still saw my friend but around twice a year, given our busy lives. Anyway, the last couple of years have been awful for me, both my parents died, - my mother very suddenly last October (her and I were very, very close) and I sunk into a kind of depression. I had been running a business but I gave up on it when she died and then was out of work until February this year. My job though is temporary until September so I am not out of the woods yet, though I feel much better in myself finally. I think I was in the depths of depression for around 6 months. In addition, I have had to be sorting out my parents' house, my childhood home, which is very, very difficult and it is finally on the market.

One way and another, I didn't contact my friend for around 9 months. She didn't contact me either though. I did get in touch this week to explain why I hadn't been in touch, to invite her to stay and to try to get back in touch. Her reaction was 'sorry about your loss and all...but bereavement or no bereavement I find your loss of contact very odd, think we'd better just stick to Christmas cards from now on...'

Feel very hurt by this, I think my mother's death (and my father's a year or so before) really, really knocked it out of me. I was hardly functioning for 6 months and am still on ADs. Just very sad by her reaction...

someonescj Thu 07-Jul-16 22:15:47

You did nothing wrong what an insensitive bitch, why didn't she get in contact with you during those 9 months? Forget about her.

MrsJoeyMaynard Thu 07-Jul-16 22:17:33

She's got a cheek acting like that when she made no attempts to contact you either.

Beeziekn33ze Thu 07-Jul-16 22:18:05

I can understand you feeling hurt at her lack of empathy. I've sometimes got back in touch with friends after several years and they've been welcoming. Sorry this has happened when you've been through a bad time 💐

changedmyname12345 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:18:58

I know, I find it really odd. I know 9 months is a long time but if you live some distance away it's not easy to always be in touch and I haven't seen some friends down the road as I have spent half the year hardly functioning.

Zarah123 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:19:26

You're better off without this 'friend'.

She could have made contact with you during the past 9 months. She sounds selfish and self-absorbed.

Were you the one expected to instigate contact/meet-ups during your friendship?

changedmyname12345 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:21:46

I also find her tone really dismissive. I think anyone who has genuinely suffered bereavement or depression really would understand and I hope those who haven't might be able to empathise.

WholeAgain Thu 07-Jul-16 22:22:42

You did nothing wrong. I have friends I have lost touch with at times and whenever one of us gets back in touch, it's like we've never been apart.

Sorry for your losses.

changedmyname12345 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:23:08

Actually last year she went through a very hard time herself (being dumped on by another friend and illness etc.) and I was very sympathetic and offered loads of support and advice.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Thu 07-Jul-16 22:24:17

Wow. That was extremely bitchy of her.

I wouldn't even be sending her a Christmas Card and would cut all contact after that.

I'm so sorry for your lossflowers

Peach16 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:25:04

I've had similar happen to me, it seems to me people only notice what you do wrong towards them and think they can do as they please, I think you are better off without this person in your life! Some people think the world revolves around them! Funnily enough the so called friend of mine was very needy and controlling too, I don't think they like not being the centre of attention!sad

KindDogsTail Thu 07-Jul-16 22:25:33

You did nothing wrong.
I am very sorry that you have lost your beloved mother flowers I am glad you are functioning a little more now, but it is not surprising you withdrew from a more social life during this very difficult time.

Your friend does not sound nice. I think you should stay free of her now.

Snowflakes1122 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:25:55

What a cow.
I'm so sorry for all you have been through. Sounds so awful for you.

Your friend showed absolutely no compassion or understanding over your pain
I wouldn't even send a christmas card to be honest. She isn't a true friend, and you don't deserve false ones like this in your life.

scarlets Thu 07-Jul-16 22:26:13

She's no loss whatsoever. I wouldn't even bother with her Christmas card idea tbh. Spend the postage money on a Santa lolly for yourself!

knaffedoff Thu 07-Jul-16 22:36:51

What a witch, dump her and give not a second thought!

Dontyoulovecalpol Thu 07-Jul-16 22:39:41

You did nothing wrong but don't forget she might've had something awful happen in that 9 months too

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 07-Jul-16 22:42:16

Maybe she was feeling she had been doing most of the running before that gap, so she wasn't contacting you to see if you bothered.

I am just wondering as i have been in this situation.

228agreenend Thu 07-Jul-16 22:44:14

Very odd response. True friends would offer condolences, then be pleased that you'd got in contact again. Her reply was curt, and I can understand why you are feeling hurt.

Glad you are feeling better now, after your traumatic year.

changedmyname12345 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:44:16

You're possibly right PassiveAgressiveQueen but I do think there's no empathy there.

chicaguapa Thu 07-Jul-16 22:44:46

Yanbu. True friends pick up where they left off after any amount of time of not seeing each other.

BerylStreep Thu 07-Jul-16 22:57:26

I have lots of friends who I only see about once a year. There is no pressure or guilt laid on - most people realise others have lots of other things going on.

I think it was insensitive of your friend, but perhaps she put more store in regular contact than you did.

Blink1982 Thu 07-Jul-16 23:01:32

What a cow. I'd reply with considering you didn't contact me either and your clearly a bit of a Bitch, perhaps forget the Christmas cards.

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