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To be fed up of ILs

(24 Posts)
Fuxake007 Thu 07-Jul-16 21:18:05

ILs regularly show up unannounced in the evening, 6.30-7.30pm just before or at DC bedtime. I don't mean MIL or SIL alone I mean the whole ruddy lot of them (MIL, SIL, BIL plus partners and teenage kids). They stay a couple hrs, there's lots of shouting and laughing and playing etc but they wind up an already tired and ready for bed DC to a hyper state then bog off and leave us to deal with a wired child either bawling eyes out or screaming and unable to calm down for ages angry
They know when bedtime is, they've been asked not to all pile in that time if it's just a random social call but take no notice. Short of not answering the door (which I would happily do after this evening but DH would never allow) I don't know how to get through to them thickheaded inconsiderate gits

Euphemia Thu 07-Jul-16 21:20:24

As is said so often on MN, you don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

Shizzlestix Thu 07-Jul-16 21:20:44

DH problem: tell him he needs to sort this out. Regularly? I'd fucking emigrate.

comedycentral Thu 07-Jul-16 21:22:37

Flipping heck! Very inconsiderate, your husband needs to fix this issue.

SmallBee Thu 07-Jul-16 21:24:35

This is probably a stupid question so apologies in advance, why don't you still put your DC to bed at usual time? I always do any I'm now worried this is wrong /rude.

Whiteplate1 Thu 07-Jul-16 21:25:58

You should be fed up of your DH

It is a DH problem not an in laws problem

bloodymaria Thu 07-Jul-16 21:29:59

Yeah, as pp, why do you not just carry on with your routine?

Catzpyjamas Thu 07-Jul-16 21:33:08

I have that DH problem too. In fact, my ILs have just left. hmm
I now just take DD up to bed as normal and read a few extra chapters to her.
DH did used to say I was a bit rude but I reminded him that SIL (their DD) doesn't even let them in after 5pm. At least I give them brew before leaving them to it.

Inertia Thu 07-Jul-16 21:35:31

I'd be locking the door .

If DH objects , I'd be tempted to suddenly find myself a very time consuming evening hobby so DH deals with bedtime .

bitemyarsenic Thu 07-Jul-16 21:38:38

Hand them the DC and say "Thanks we are popping to the pub"
Stay out until after closing and come home roaring drunk grin

They wont do it again

KatharinaRosalie Thu 07-Jul-16 21:40:40

I would take DC up at their normal bedtime.

EverythingWillBeFine Thu 07-Jul-16 21:53:04

I would leave your DH putting the dcs to bed and go out until later on.
He created the problem, he can deal with it.

AnecdotalEvidence Thu 07-Jul-16 21:58:04

Why do you entertain them?
You don't have to be rude, just tell them that it's a really bad time and suggest another time for them to call over.

KissMyArse Thu 07-Jul-16 21:59:02

You need to put this on your front door.

NavyAndWhite Thu 07-Jul-16 22:04:41

DH isn't going to tell them.
The OP has to. It's her that doesn't want them.

Speak up if you're not happy.

Jodie1982 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:11:09

What anecdotal said ^. They think you don't mind as your hosting and putting up with it. Your DP won't say anything so it's down to you, unfortunately.
Personally I'd still put my DC to bed and run a nice bath, leave DP to it.

MissElizaBennettsBookmark Thu 07-Jul-16 22:12:56


OP I suggest you do as others have said and just take the kids up to bed at their normal time. It's clearly them being rude, not you - and your OH is enabling them.

Suggest you read Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward. I found it a huge help.


5Foot5 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:29:40


HarryPottersMagicWand Thu 07-Jul-16 22:30:35

Great sign grin.

Carry on with bedtime (and take you time upstairs). My dad sometimes comes at bedtimes but that's because he works long shifts and he finishes around then and if he needs to come over, it will be straight from work. This is rare and he has a quick cup of tea then goes. I let DCs stay up. In your case when it's regularly, a lot of them and they have explicitly been told not to, no way would I let my children stay up to see them. Your DH needs to tell them. In the meantime, carry on as normal with you and the DCs. Do you normally have a bath at that time wink.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 07-Jul-16 22:35:08

They walk in the door, let your kids say goodnight, you then all go upstairs for bath/bed/teeth clean/ books.

Family aren't royalty you don't have to put out the red carpet.

Fuxake007 Thu 07-Jul-16 22:36:02

bitemyarsenic I like that idea. A lot! and kissmyarse I love that sign. I feel stupid now lol, I dunno why I never thought of just carrying on normal routine with bedtime duh. Tho I doubt DC will settle easily with them all here but worth a shot and gets me out of the room for a while anyway smile

LaurieFairyCake Thu 07-Jul-16 22:56:40

The last time my inlaws turned up without ringing first I leaned out a first floor window in my bra (not a good look) and said I was going in the bath

BlurryFace Fri 08-Jul-16 08:16:58

Fuxake, if you have to go up to tend to DC, just use it as passive aggressive ammunition "oh dear, DC usually settles so easily, must be all the noise. It's a shame you didn't ring first, I'd have told you to come at a different time." If DC is going to be a hyper devil anyway, you might as well let the causes of it enjoy it, so if you use one set up the baby monitor downstairs in the lounge on full blast.

Wolpertinger Fri 08-Jul-16 08:34:00

Carry on bedtime routine, take baby monitor downstairs ostentatiously and spend whole evening shushing them. Hopefully by the third visit they will have got the message or you may have to go full on batshit about them disturbing DC if they are really thick.

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