AIBU about smoking?

[FantaIsFine]

Hi Mumsnet,

Really curious as to feedback on this. Not to debate whether smoking is stupid (it is), expensive (it is), unhealthy (it is), smelly (it is). I am a considerate smoker (guests, children, nearby others elsewhere, where is okay to smoke vs not). However, I AM a smoker and make no secret of it.

If someone chooses to - ahem - become intimate with one despite this abhorrent habit, how okay is it subsequently to start saying "I'm not kissing you because I can taste cigarette"? Despite much toothpaste/mouthwash which granted isn't totally effective.

I'm all for choice and would be absolutely fine if someone wasn't interested in me because of it, I just find it a bit odd to BE interested shag someone and then object a few days later that it's so ghastly. Informed choice at the outset or consideration that should be applied by me vs a pretty ingrained habit that was never hidden?

The guy turned out to be a knob jockey on many levels but I'm interested in the views about this. I guess it could apply to other habits generally, but smoking is held to be particularly abhorrent. Like I say, please I'm not asking opinion on smoking being a good thing or not, more about the view on whether that as a life choice should be anticipated to be squashed immediately.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

Controlling I'd say. Wanted to be more important than the smokes. And wasn't!

[WorraLiberty]

To be honest, I couldn't kiss anyone who tasted of fags.

But that's exactly why I wouldn't date a smoker.

He chose to date you, knowing you smoked so he should have either put up with it or ditched you (if he realised he couldn't).

[LotsOfShoes]

Maybe he really liked you and tried to get over it but then realised he couldn't? My partner sometimes (very rarely) has a smoke and I find it quite bad. If he were a smoker, I'm not sure if I would have still dated him. Maybe I would have tried but then changed my mind?

[UmbongoUnchained]

I've never met any bloke that's been put off by my smoking so don't worry there's plenty that won't care!

[Alisvolatpropiis]

As Umbongo says, never met a bloke who it bothers. Women tend to be far more inclined to refuse to date smokers. Men seem to just have to fancy you enough to suddenly not mind all that much.

[Oysterbabe]

I couldn't kiss a smoker. He shouldn't have pursued a relationship with you if that's how he felt.

[TheWeeBabySeamus1]

Both my exs were non smokers (I do) and neither ever mentioned it. If they'd tried to make me quit after a few dates I would have found it really weird and controlling.

[Destinysdaughter]

I used to have this problem but now I vape it's a non issue. I used to feel very self conscious kissing a non smoker and would clean my teeth or chew gum. Don't need to do that now.

I guess your guy tolerated it as he fancied you but now realises that it is an issue for him. He's being honest with you ( obvs wasn't going to beforehand ), and now you know his true feelings it's up to you as to how you deal with it.