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On my mind, was DH U

(66 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Thu 07-Jul-16 11:08:59

Ok so this is going to sound pathetic but this happened last weekend, wasn't major but it really bothered me and it's been on my mind since...

DH is genuinely lovely, works really hard, hands on dad, always supportive, we have a good loving marriage and were pretty equal with most things were he slacks on things I pick it up and vice versa.
Last weekend I went out with DD to a tea party sort of thing that my friend was having, lovely afternoon, DH stayed home and did the garden the entire day. It really needed doing especially as we're hoping to have a garden party in the next few weeks. When we were leaving to come home i felt a headache coming on, within the 20min that it took me to drive home it was getting worse and worse. I told DH when I walked through the door (he was still doing he garden) and asked him if he knew were my migraine pills were as I just couldn't think straight. I had a search around but just couldn't find them anywhere, I took paracetamol out of desperation and it started to calm down. I then went to DH and said I can't find my migraine pills anywhere, the paracetamol has only tak the edge off, I need my migraine pills for in four hours when I'm allowed to take them. He then said, go and sit down or have a sleep, in a couple hours hopefully it will have calmed down enough and then you can just pop to the chemist and get some.... Now thankfully after an hour I was feeling much better, my head was clearer and I found my migraine pills but it really really upset me that DH could see I was suffering and panicky and didn't just offer to stop what he was doing and go get them for me. That is exactly what I would have done, AIBU?

ElspethFlashman Thu 07-Jul-16 11:12:51

Er no. You were looking for them yourself. He clearly didn't know where they were and it was going to be another 4 hrs before you could take them anyway.

I don't see the emergency where he should have dropped everything tbh.

KateLivesInEngland Thu 07-Jul-16 11:13:43

I don't know, he was kind and told you to go have a lie down?
Ok, he didn't leap to attention and bow to your every whim but he was understanding. I can't really see that he was that bad!

YorkieDorkie Thu 07-Jul-16 11:14:59

I don't think you're BU as an extreme but he wasn't U either. They are simple creatures aren't they? If the tables were turned you might have just gone out and got him some more but I think men need asking outright - in any situation. My DH gets annoyed at me because I don't "just ask". They are right, they really aren't mind readers. I do also think it's sweet that he knew you well enough to say that it would be better in a couple of hours. Try not to make anything out of this, you said how wonderful he is in the OP. I think you need to go outside and admire his toil in the garden now smile.

SlightlyperturbedOwl Thu 07-Jul-16 11:16:29

I don't think he was BU if he doesn't get migraines himself. People often don't realise exactly how debilitating they are. It might be worth keeping them somewhere that he is aware of too ready for next time. Hope you are ok again now.

branofthemist Thu 07-Jul-16 11:28:02

Yabu, I can understand this bothering you at the time. Migraines are awful and I understand the panic. But still bothering you now? When you have had time without a migraine to think about it.

At no point did you say 'can you help me find them?' Or 'dh I need your help finding them'

You asked him if he knew where they were and then simply told him you couldn't find them. He made another suggestion, to lay down.

If you wanted him to drop everything and help, tell him that.

One of mine and dhs major problems was that he wasn't explicit in what he wanted. Made a statement and expected me to know what he wanted me to do. It caused no end of frustration on both sides.

Thankfully he doesn't do it anymore.

Purplemonkeydishwasherpimp Thu 07-Jul-16 11:31:41


WorraLiberty Thu 07-Jul-16 11:34:46


There was no reason at all for him to drop what he was doing, since you were going for a lie down.

Purplebluebird Thu 07-Jul-16 11:35:46

I think neither are unreasonable, and suggest you let it go. It's hardly a big deal? I get migraines, but don't expect my other half to drop everything to help me find my pills. It's my responsibility to keep them somewhere easy to find when the migraines hurt too much to think clearly.

ABloodyDifficultWoman Thu 07-Jul-16 11:39:16

If this is the worst thing in your marriage - and clearly to you it is since you're still kvetching about it days later - then you should consider yourself lucky and pop over to the Relationships board to see for yourself what really bad marriages are like hmm

calli335 Thu 07-Jul-16 11:42:32

Bloody hell. Sounds like your DH is supposed to tend to your every need!

NickiFury Thu 07-Jul-16 11:44:04

It is pathetic. Forget about it. I do understand that things can get stuck on your mind though but this shouldn't be one of them. Sounds like he worked his arse off in the garden and didn't want to drop everything to search for something that you could easily look for yourself.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 07-Jul-16 11:45:55

YABU op, let it go. And keep your migraine pills in the bedside table or somewhere easily to hand.

I take a nose spray and I've taught myself to keep a few in work, handbag, bathroom, bedroom and kitchen drawer now.

NapQueen Thu 07-Jul-16 11:47:26

They are your pills. Why is it dh's responsibility to know where they are or to stop chores to help find them?

Had dh asked me whilst I was in the middle of something for something of his I'd probably say "no idea, if you put them back in the same place every time we wouldn't need to have this conversation"

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Thu 07-Jul-16 11:48:22

Yorkie "They are simple creatures aren't they?

Bit of a sweeping statement.

I don't think he did anything particularly wrong, if he doesn't get migraines he won't necessarily understand that they're not just bad headaches. YABU.

diddl Thu 07-Jul-16 11:48:55

I don't think he needed to stop what he was doing, but I'm surprised he didn't offer to look whilst you were resting & go to the chemist if necessary.

If I came in with a migraine I wouldn't expect to have to ask my husband to help me look for the tablets!

Presumably he's seen you with one before, Op?

My husband knows that if mine get to a certain point I'll throw up & that I like to avoid that if possible!

MargotLovedTom Thu 07-Jul-16 11:49:54

Even if he had dropped everything to look for them, or had dashed off to the chemist, you wouldn't have been able to take them for another four hours, you said? So I can understand why he said to have a lie down and see how you felt in a couple of hours. I'm sure if you were still feeling dreadful after that he would've done something to help.

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Jul-16 11:51:06

"They are simple creatures aren't they?"

Did you marry a hamster by mistake Yorkie?

DavidPuddy Thu 07-Jul-16 11:53:55

I don't think you are unreasonable. If my husband starts a migraine I drop everything to get him his tablets. Waiting even a few minutes can mean rhe difference between a bearable migraine over in a few hours, or half a day of misery followed by days of uselessness.

We both take care to know where the tablets are at all time, also when travelling.

If he tells me he is on the way home with a migraine then I am waiting by the door, tablets and water in hand and when he is better I remind him to take some to replenish his work supply.

hippydippybaloney Thu 07-Jul-16 11:55:51

If you wanted him to go and get them you should have asked him to go and get them. He isn't psychic.

KissMyArse Thu 07-Jul-16 12:01:27

confused Why did you take the paracetamol before even asking him?

He sounds like a good husband and father but days later you're still mithering over the fact he didn't drop what he was doing to find your migraine pills?

GlitterGlassEye Thu 07-Jul-16 12:01:29

You sound like hard work op. Nit picking at its best.

FriendofBill Thu 07-Jul-16 12:05:22

Ditto NapQueen

bloodymaria Thu 07-Jul-16 12:06:04

Absolute non issue, let it go for goodness sake. If you need help, ask for it.

Rachel0Greep Thu 07-Jul-16 12:08:26

"They are simple creatures aren't they?"

Did you marry a hamster by mistake Yorkie?


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