to want to do my husband physical harm...

(12 Posts)
TiredyMcTired Wed 06-Jul-16 21:47:15

He's sat on the sofa watching Portugal v Wales and eating a bowl of Doritos washed down with a beer. All I can hear is his teeth crashing together as he chews the bloody Doritos angry it's making me utterly deranged with anger angry

NewNameNotTheSame Wed 06-Jul-16 21:49:01

Kick the packet clean out of his hands then LTB

sooperdooper Wed 06-Jul-16 21:50:21

My husband was just doing similar with potatoes but smacking his lips and eating with his fingers, I want to kill him

user1456925105 Wed 06-Jul-16 21:52:05

Frying pan -face.

While you will still hear him making crunching noises they will be a lot more satisfying as dh will be reduced to a liquid diet for the foreseeable future, once his jaw has been wired of course grin

beetroot2 Wed 06-Jul-16 21:54:50

eww makes me wonder why you chose him in the first place grin

TiredyMcTired Wed 06-Jul-16 21:55:04

It's the sodding noise, so loud!!! I think that ridiculously loud eating should be a category to file for divorce! He's so blissfully ignorant about how loud he's chewing too angry doofus

TiredyMcTired Wed 06-Jul-16 21:56:29

Beetroot2, he's ridiculously handsome and I was blinded by lust wink

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Wed 06-Jul-16 21:58:15

Start vacuuming.
In front of the TV.
Noisily

beetroot2 Wed 06-Jul-16 21:59:26

Short lived that lust thing grin

PovertyPain Wed 06-Jul-16 22:02:56

awaits the thread police to come in with sirens blazing, to tell you how unacceptable you are to threaten violence, it's sexist cos you is a woman a nod a man wouldn't be able to make a joke like that...bla bla bla wink

Naughty OP. You went and forgot to put a disclaimer in the title.

If you smack him with a pan and he needs his jaw wired, then he may....shudder......SLURP! shock sad

user1456925105 Wed 06-Jul-16 22:13:40

Oh god poverty I forgot about the slurping. Easy solve though. Have his jaw wired complety shut/mouth stitched together, then administer plasma/nutrients etc through i.v.
Slurping problem solved.

(I may have spent many many many a rage filled meal thinking about this. Dp can't breath through his nose so it is a cathartic exercise for me grin yeah that sounds plausable)

TiredyMcTired Wed 06-Jul-16 22:14:02

PovertyPain, I'll try to remember not to ignite the ire of the Thread Police next time I consider wanting to do my DH some harm, or I could just not buy him crisps any more wink

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