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for being pissed off at a friend over this?

(19 Posts)
CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:08:21

So I have been friends with two guys since I was 16. We're almost 38 now.

We live in different parts of the world. We have a Viber thread where we talk about anything and everything.

So I recently started an internship after going back to uni and I always ask questions to the other guy since my internship is related to his line of work. It's nothing out of the ordinary, we do it all the time, sometimes they talk about things I know nothing about on and on, this time it's me and the other guy.

So last night, we had a different topic and this friend said "finally you're not talking about *". I asked, does he get disturbed because if he does I will just send my questions directly to the other friend. When they talk about topics I have no opinion on, I just scroll down. They've always done the same anyway so I was surprised.

He said well because there have been so many messages blah blah. I also got the idea that he was implying that what I do at my internship is not important. So I tried to ignore him and then put up a cheery tone and said this researcher I work with who's normally grumpy was nice to me today. And he said in a condescending tone, "maybe you classified really well". The essence is something similar to maybe you folded the laundry really well.

I stopped replying to the Viber thread and went to sleep.

What do you think? Am I being unreasonable for expecting friends to treat me better?

fastdaytears Wed 06-Jul-16 21:10:35

So don't know what Viber is! But if I am on Kik or something, which I guess is similar, and I have a question that's just for one person in a group I message them directly. Can you not do that?

beetroot2 Wed 06-Jul-16 21:11:30

Depends if that's all you keep talking about lately.

MollyTwo Wed 06-Jul-16 21:12:46

Have you been talking a lot about it recently?

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:13:25

fastdaytears - I can do that. But like I said, for years, that thread has always been a free-for-all discussion thread where sometimes, they talk, sometimes, I talk with this friend, sometimes with the other friend, sometimes it's the three of us. When he asks this other friend about something they can relate to, I don't mind. So I was surprised at the tone. But yeah, I'll just talk to the other person in private. Then they will say I am sensitive for stopping.

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:15:22

Well the past few days I ask random questions but mostly I talk about my experience at my internship. Which really is nothing out of the ordinary because when he started his job, he was going on and on about it too. Actually his went on for months. And I was always very supportive of him. When my other friend started his own business, he was always talking about it too.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 06-Jul-16 21:15:24

It just sounds like he's bored of you talking about work - and then when he mentions it to you, you changed the subject back to work.

Maybe just make sure there's still a good mix of conversation topics so it doesn't feel like it's all work?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 06-Jul-16 21:17:51

Cross posts. I think that explains it. Your internship is clearly very exciting for you but it sounds like you've reached his limit for making conversation about it and he was trying to ask you to vary the conversation a bit more. Your tolerance of his job may have been better, or you may have been more interested in his area, but these things often don't work out exactly.

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:18:10

That's fine if he;s bored of me talking about work. He can say that. But when he was talking about his work for months on end (he started working in a foreign country, thought what he does there is a massive downgrade from his qualifications etc) I was always very supportive of him.

fastdaytears Wed 06-Jul-16 21:21:31

I think with the private/group message there's a difference between a message that might not interest someone else (like if someone on a group chat talked about football and I ignored it) and one that actively excludes someone who doesn't know technical aspects of a particular job. But Viber etiquette might be different.

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:22:57

The thing is, he could have started a discussion on a topic he wants to talk about if he's bored of my stories. That's how it's always been. To be honest, my life was very boring since I migrated to this country >2 years ago (I was a stay at home wife with no friends) until I started this internship and the topics have been always about him and the other friend. But mostly him - his work, his pending migration to another country and how he's not sure if he's going to be happy doing something he thinks is a massive downgrade from his qualifications, how his work now in another foreign country (not our home country) is also a downgrade from his qualifications, etc. I mean, finally I am getting this very good opportunities and it has just been a few days since I started my internship, if he doesn't like me talking about it, he could have said it in a better tone?

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:27:39

fastdaytears - yes, you're right, but the thing is, he does that too! For context, we all have the same qualifications. So he understands what I am talking about. It's just the other guy is the one that specialised on that topic. I migrated to another country, started something different, but somehow found myself with this internship that's a mix of my old field and my new field. So nothing I talk about is alien to him.

Like I said, I'd be ok with him telling me to stop. Just do it in a better way. Also, when I told him I'd just message the other guy if it bothers him, he extended the conversation by asking if the researcher I work with was rude to me that day. When I said he wasn't, he was very nice, he made that condescending comment.

Arfarfanarf Wed 06-Jul-16 21:36:45

Well if he talks so much about himself I'd be pointing that bugger out! Fair enough to want a variety of topics but he cant monopolise the conversation for months and then complain when you chat a bit too much about what's going on with you.

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 21:38:47

Arfarfanart - I did that actually. I said I don't mind when he talks about what's going on with him. Which he has been for almost two years now. Then he said, another condescending comment similar to the effect of likening what I do to folding laundry.

Arfarfanarf Wed 06-Jul-16 21:42:55

He sounds like a tosspot.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Wed 06-Jul-16 21:44:40

Yeah he's just sounding like a dick now.

TattyCat Wed 06-Jul-16 21:49:48

Sometimes we outgrow relationships, and this sounds like one of them. I'd just move on. It happens.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Wed 06-Jul-16 22:28:38

Could he be jealous?

CoolToned Wed 06-Jul-16 22:34:29


I don't know. I did not think of that, actually. But now that you mentioned it, he's about to do what I did >2 years ago. Migrate into a foreign country that does not recognise our qualifications.

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