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Turning down a party invitation (age 6)

(81 Posts)
EatingMyHat Wed 06-Jul-16 19:56:08

DS age 6 has been invited to a Fairy party for a friends birthday. Has been buddies with the little girl since babyhood. I had previously told the party girls mother I thought he would want to go.

Turns out when he got the invite in the post this week he did not fancy it at all. The Fairy part put him right off, he said he'd rather do something different just the two of them.

There is a month before the party and party girl's mum has already said he can be replaced if he doesn't want to come.

I let party girls mum know his suggestion and she says my DS is being really mean.

I thought he was being fairy nuff fair enough as if a friend of mine was having a boozy party for example I'd decline an invitation and suggest something we'd both enjoy a different time, since boozy parties are not my thing.

I have had a shit week for unrelated reasons and can't think straight. WhoIBU?

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Jul-16 19:58:29

He's not being "really mean" (is the Mum 6 as well?); he just doesn't want to dress as a fairy. Ignore her and let him decide for himself.

DrSeuss Wed 06-Jul-16 19:59:11

It may be stereotypical but if I was inviting a mixed group, i wouldn't go with fairies! Maybe fairies and something, e.g. knights, elves, wizards. YADNBU!

iklboo Wed 06-Jul-16 19:59:41

You could send him as Oberon wink

DrSeuss Wed 06-Jul-16 20:00:47

Tell the other mother to Puck off!

HolesInTheFloor Wed 06-Jul-16 20:02:39

Yanbu if your ds doesn't want to go then he doesn't want to go.

I think you made a mistake telling the mum that he didn't want to go, I'd have just said we couldn't make it. Despite what a lot of people post on here boys and girls (very often) interact with each other very differently at that age and don't want to play with big groups of the opposite sex.

GrimmauldPlace Wed 06-Jul-16 20:06:16

We had a similar situation when DS was invited to a frozen party. He's not necessarily against "girly" things yeah I see you playing with your sisters dolls when no one is looking DS grin but he hates frozen with a passion. The girls mum was fine with it. We appreciated the invite and she appreciated it wasn't everyone's thing.

The party girls mum ISBU especially as she's already said she can replace him.

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Jul-16 20:06:20

True, and quite a lot of boys would do anything to avoid wearing fairy wings; contrary to received wisdom on here.

Pineapplemilkshake Wed 06-Jul-16 20:09:25

I think you have plenty of notice however I agree with another poster it may have been kinder to make an excuse rather than say he didn't want to go. I would probably have made/bribed my DS to go thought go. When DS was 7 I dragged him to see one of the Tinkerbell films and he ended up loving it, despite being embarrassed being seen going to watch a "girly" film!

Pineapplemilkshake Wed 06-Jul-16 20:09:50

*gave not *have

EatingMyHat Wed 06-Jul-16 20:11:05

Holes she had already checked our availability before revealing the plan so I decided to just be gently honest!

Venue is around an hours drive away also (as was the same child's partly last year which we went to) but I didn't let that influence.

We are not terribly bothered by gender typical marketed things at home and he will not turn down a pink cup for example (like his friend did with a sneery of that's a girls cup aged about three) or anything like that.

He just didn't fancy it.

He had a Pirate party last year and apparently according to party girls mum we should be grateful girls came to that.

From the tone of the text messages looks like he and I have both lost our friends over this confused

BikeRunSki Wed 06-Jul-16 20:11:24

DD would go as a wizard, pirate, a giraffe or not at all. The party girls mum IBU for being so narrow minded, stereotypical and not inclusive of your son. If she really wanted him there, she'd relax the "rules" a bit to include him. If anyone is being mean, it's her, as she is disappointing both her DD and your DS.

EatingMyHat Wed 06-Jul-16 20:12:46

Life is a minefield sad

EatingMyHat Wed 06-Jul-16 20:17:22

It wasn't that clear on the invite if it was a dress up thing exactly but talked about transport to the party as 'fairy rides'. DS read the whole thing himself and made his own mind up. I tried gently to encourage him, considered just taking him anyway and then decided it was an invitation not a summons so he could decline and offer an alternative if he wanted.

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Jul-16 20:25:25

Fairy rides grin

Pearlman Wed 06-Jul-16 20:28:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vixyboo Wed 06-Jul-16 20:28:43

I think the crucial thing here is respecting your ds' choice. Which it sounds like you are doing.

The mother IBU.

PopGoesTheWeaz Wed 06-Jul-16 20:30:11

Out of curiousity, if your DS had a party, how would you feel if people said they didn't want to go because they didn't like the sound of the party? Or forget DC, what if YOU had a party and your friends you've known since babydom said they didnt want to go because they didn't like the restaurant?

I don't think UABU for not forcing your DS to go but I also think friend is entitled to feel hurt.

mumhum Wed 06-Jul-16 20:31:27

Your DS should go, dressed as he wants. He's only 6, there shouldn't be an obligatory dress code.

Pearlman Wed 06-Jul-16 20:34:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatingMyHat Wed 06-Jul-16 20:36:42

If the roles were reversed and she did not want to come to something he chose because it was not her thing I would absolutely say OK well why don't we do a pizza or film another time then.

Not everyone likes to do the same thing.

DailyFaily Wed 06-Jul-16 20:37:00

I think your friend is being daft unless there's more to this (could it be that he's said something to his friend at school and upset her then?). My son isn't especially sporty and doesn't enjoy things like football parties - I strongly encourage him to set his feelings aside if he's invited to such a party for a good friend because that's something you do for friends isn't it? That said, I wouldn't force him to go and I wouldn't expect to lose an adult friend over such a matter - I'm sure she can explain this to her daughter, especially since you're offering to do something special in replacement

HarryPottersMagicWand Wed 06-Jul-16 20:38:42

He is perfectly capable of deciding if he wants to attend a party or not. It's not the sort of decision a parent should make for their child. I wouldn't dream of telling my DCs they were going to a party, I always ask them first even when I know they will say yes.

YANBU. A fairy party would be my DS's idea of hell and there is no way I would force him. His own sister had a Frozen party and he was in the room and ate food but didn't want to take part at all and that was completely fine. I was happy for him to not be in the room if he didn't fancy it as well but he did choose to stay. The mum should expect that boys may not want to attend and not take offence over it. Her reaction says more about her.

PopGoesTheWeaz Wed 06-Jul-16 20:39:24

I totally agree pearlman. Also, wasn't there ALWAYS at least 2 boys dressed as spiderman at EVERY party at that age. no matter WHAT the theme.

mumhum Wed 06-Jul-16 20:40:00

I agree with Pearlman, you should tell him he is going to the party as she is his friend.

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