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Was I unreasonable?

(19 Posts)
TowerRavenSeven Wed 06-Jul-16 18:35:14

Two of dh's work associates (they are newly married and childless and work together with dh) invited all of dh's work associates and partners to an evening dinner/party. We had engaged a babysitter for dc, 10 years.

Two days before event babysitter cancelled. Dh informed the husband (dh works with the husband, the wife works in a different department) we wouldn't be able to attend (although I had told dh he was fine to go alone if he wanted) because of babysitter issue. Husband assured dh to bring ds anyway, it was fine.

When dh told me this, I asked if 'wife' was consulted about this. Dh went back and asked 'husband' if 'wife' would be ok with this. 'Husband' assured dh there was absolutely no issue.

I still had my doubts but dh was like, 'I can't keep asking, they will think I'm nuts. They said it was ok". So we went. Ds was fine, is a quiet boy so was no issue. The 'husband' was cordial, polite, etc. 'Wife' was not! She gave me icy stares all evening. I didn't want to make a scene so I ignored it, But:

Was I unreasonable in bringing ds when the 'Husband' swore up and down it was fine but his wife ended up being a bitch about it? Were they unreasonable when obviously the dh had Not talked to the wife or he felt he couldn't uninvite us after dh had asked twice? It was not a surprise ds attended, she didn't look surprised when we turned up with ds, just pissed off.

Flacidunicorn Wed 06-Jul-16 18:37:28

Was she a bitch though? She was giving you icy stares but wht other evidence of bitchness was there? Did she spit at your ds or throw jellied eels at him?


cansu Wed 06-Jul-16 18:38:05

she was being unreasonable. You asked and checked. I don't see what else you could have done. She should be pissed off with her husband for not consulting her, not you!

Playduh Wed 06-Jul-16 18:39:09

YANBU - how many times did you need to ask?

Wife and husband are equally unreasonable. Him for being clueless and her for being so ungracious.

What was your DS spoiling? The opportunity for wild sex and drugs? They're

FeliciaJollygoodfellow Wed 06-Jul-16 18:39:27

What makes you think it's even about your DS?

Playduh Wed 06-Jul-16 18:39:39

Oops - posted too soon but you get my drift grin

TowerRavenSeven Wed 06-Jul-16 18:39:47

To clarify I doubt the husband asked wife the second time dh asked, he just answered for her and obviously answered wrong for her. When he told her about it she was pissed but didn't tell dh that she had an issue with it.

MollyTwo Wed 06-Jul-16 18:39:58

He probably didn't ask her. But that's not your problem because you asked. Yanbu.

FuzzyOwl Wed 06-Jul-16 18:40:11

Are you sure your DS was the issue and not you? Assuming she doesn't have RBF, what did she do - you say she was a bitch but then you also say she gave your icy stares so did she actually say anything? Personally I would have thought your DS or her DH would have received the icy stares if it was because your DS was the issue and not you. But YWNBU to take your DS.

scurryfunge Wed 06-Jul-16 18:40:14

I think you have to accept that the husband and wife do not communicate very well and that is not your fault. Unless your child stamped on their kittens or similar, I would not worry.

NavyAndWhite Wed 06-Jul-16 18:46:55

Did you not make small talk with her? Seems weird. I mean a couple invite you for dinner and he is cordial/polite ( I would expect more than that ) and she gave you daggers?!

That's not how normal dinner parties are.

TowerRavenSeven Wed 06-Jul-16 18:49:38

I think it was about ds because there was nothing else to be huffy about. I see this woman rarely but the times we do everything has been cordial, no issue on either side. I'm definitely not one that expects children to be invited to everything that's why I asked several times. I had a feeling it would be an issue, and it clearly was.

TowerRavenSeven Wed 06-Jul-16 18:53:20

No the husband acted, 'normal'. We're not great friends with them, just dh's work associates. He was talkative and welcoming to us and ds.

OutOfAces Wed 06-Jul-16 18:59:35

I wouldn't worry. Was she giving evils to your DH? If not, maybe she just had resting bitch face / was trying to work out where she knew you from / was jealous of how lovely you looked or something. I can't see why she would be bothered about your DS being there, especially as her DH didn't think she would be bothered, and he knows her best.

If it was something she was really bothered about presumably she will at some point say to her DH "can't believe Mr.TowerRavenSeven brought his DS" and then her DH would say "oh I invited his DS" and then she either won't be bothered or will blame her DH.

user1467101855 Wed 06-Jul-16 19:02:41

You had doubts despite being told it was ok, with no reason to doubt, and you assumed she was annoyed about having the kid there.

It sounds like you're a bit paranoid and were projecting massively, and really its all about you.

icelollycraving Wed 06-Jul-16 19:04:58

Do they have pampas grass & an unusually large fruit bowl. You scuppered their plans.

sharknad0 Wed 06-Jul-16 19:06:24

Don't worry about it, you're not in the wrong at all.

It might have been different if you (or DH) had asked to bring the baby, because people can hardly refuse. However, they offered. Very weird hostess who cannot be polite to her guests, maybe you look like her husband ex-GF, who knows grin

happypoobum Wed 06-Jul-16 19:07:55

Why was she giving you evils and not DH? It all sounds slightly off......

ScrewyMcScrewup Wed 06-Jul-16 19:10:04

Are you sure the icy stares weren't in your head?

I'm not saying that to be mean; when I'm worried about someone not liking me (or other negative feelings) I know I perceive all kinds of slights that aren't really there. I have to give myself a talking to, and if I can I ask someone I trust if they noticed anything. Usually they confirm that everyone was behaving normally.

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