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Have I overstepped the mark with this very personal present?

(112 Posts)
JasmineBuckles Wed 06-Jul-16 17:07:53

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, we have a really great relationship, live together, talking about kids etc.

His dad died about 5 years ago, and the only things he's got of his dad's are 4 ties from the 70's. Everything else his dad's second wife got.

He showed me these ties about 6 months ago, talked about framing them, then put them back in a plastic bag in a box of junk where they've been ever since.

Today I got them out in secret and took them to a specialist framers for unusual items, put them into pairs and chose mounts and frames and paid for them up front. They'll tie them in Windsor knots and pin them all nicely, they've done sashes and medals for me in the past.

We have really similar taste, so I know he will like what I've chosen, it goes with the house etc but now I'm panicking in case I've done something that is too personal, or overstepped the mark. I deliberately left it six months in case he wanted to do it himself, but he hasn't and I thought I'd surprise him.

Have I been unreasonable in taking it upon myself to do this really personal thing?

mummymeister Wed 06-Jul-16 17:09:57

I would be so happy to get a gift like this and think it is incredibly thoughtful. However, you know him best so know how he will react. I wouldn't panic about it though- whats done is done and if he doesn't like it he can take them out again and put them back in their bag.

UnGoogleable Wed 06-Jul-16 17:10:12

I think that is a very thoughtful and touching thing to do.

He might feel like you've overstepped into his personal 'space', or he might be very moved by the gesture. The fact that he said he wanted to do it shows you he will like the idea - but only you will know whether it's something he would feel upset about not having done himself.

I think it's lovely.

NeedACleverNN Wed 06-Jul-16 17:10:17

I think that sounds really sweet

If I did that with my dh, he would probably cry

KoalaDownUnder Wed 06-Jul-16 17:11:06

No, not at all! Honestly, I think that is a thoughtful and amazing gift. And you've gone about it v carefully.

I will bet anything that he loves it.

IHeartTyrion Wed 06-Jul-16 17:12:43

I think this is the most lovely present - the very thought of it brought a very unmumsnetty tear to my eye and I quote honest can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be totally overwhelmed at just thought.

<Feeling the need to throw a 'fuck off' in somewhere to counteract the slushiness>

Fibbertigibbet Wed 06-Jul-16 17:12:47

I think it's a beautiful gift. Only you can know if your DP will feel that way, though!

IHeartTyrion Wed 06-Jul-16 17:12:54

Such thought*

Whathaveilost Wed 06-Jul-16 17:13:05

That's a nice present. When are you giving it to him?

Let us know what he thinks! Hopefully it'll be positive.

Imnotaslimjim Wed 06-Jul-16 17:14:58

What a lovely idea! You're very thoughtful. If you don't mind me asking, how much has it cost you? DH has a few of his granddad's ties that he has said he'd like to display somehow. They're old fashioned so I can't ever see them being worn, this would be ideal!

Mcchickenbb41 Wed 06-Jul-16 17:16:14

Coming from someone who lost their dad I think this is a lovely gift and actually brought tears to my eyes X how thoughtful off you I'm sure he'll be deeply touched X

HelpfulChap Wed 06-Jul-16 17:17:06

I would love it.

Jeremysfavouriteaunt Wed 06-Jul-16 17:17:29

I think that he will be incredibly touched, it was a beautiful idea.

BigcatLittlecat Wed 06-Jul-16 17:17:43

Beautiful gift. You know your partner. Now I just want to know how long they will take as I want to know his reaction.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe Wed 06-Jul-16 17:19:45

Sorry but I think you've possibly overstepped the mark a bit.

Someone I know got me a locket that I intended to get myself when my son died, chose the photos of me and him to go into it and gave it to me.

It was a nice thing to do, but it was my thing, that I wanted to do. I wanted to choose it, it was something I wanted to do alone when I was ready. I felt like it was something else that had been taken away.

It was a really lovely thought, and lovely that you want to do nice things but your boyfriend should have been involved. Vouchers for the shop, or taking him in with you would have been better imo.

branofthemist Wed 06-Jul-16 17:20:15

Its lovely. My was given a pair of her brothers shoes (he died at 3 months) by my nana.

Mum didn't know what to do with so had them framed. One in each frame and gave one to her parents and kept one herself.

They loved it. And it was up in their house until they passed.
I think this is lovely.

myownprivateidaho Wed 06-Jul-16 17:20:19

Thought it was going to be along the lines of a dildo for your child's reception teacher. No, that's lovely. I'd obviously give it to him in private though.

WellThatWentWell Wed 06-Jul-16 17:21:13

I think it's a lovely gift

NotYoda Wed 06-Jul-16 17:21:38

I think it's a lovely gift

You've been with him a year, not a month

ExtraHotLatteToGo Wed 06-Jul-16 17:23:10

I was holding my breath hoping you hadn't had them cut up & sewn into a cushion or something 😳

What you have done is lovely 💐

I would just say to him though, that if he's not ready to have them on the wall I wouldn't be at all upset if he puts them in a cupboard for now, until he's ready. My Dad died a few years ago and I still can't have his things or his photos up - it just tears me apart. But I'd still love what you'd done. A lot.

MollyTwo Wed 06-Jul-16 17:23:37

It's a lovely and very thoughtful gift. Maybe he wanted to do this but actually tough to do and would really appreciate it.

FantasticButtocks Wed 06-Jul-16 17:23:48

It might have been overstepping the mark if his dad had died recently, but as it was five years ago and he's actually said to you that he'd like them framed, then it's a really lovely, thoughtful thing you've done. I'm sure he will love it! If he doesn't, then there's something wrong with him, because even if you've done it differently to how he would have done it, he should will surely appreciate the love and thought and care that's gone into it.

SoupDragon Wed 06-Jul-16 17:25:41

I think it's fine because he showed them to you and told you what he planned to do with them.

To me, It's not quite the same as Elsa's locket, which I agree was overstepping a line.

MrsGsnow18 Wed 06-Jul-16 17:25:52

Only you know what type of person your BF is. It is a lovely idea and something he mentioned doing himself. Is it just a typical man thing that he put it off?
I would want to do something like that myself I think, but most men prob wouldn't feel that way. It all just depends really on how private etc. he is.
Hope it goes well and he likes it!

VulcanWoman Wed 06-Jul-16 17:26:27

Lovely idea.

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