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To not want my DF to sleep the night when he comes up here to work?

(28 Posts)
crunchymummy Tue 05-Jul-16 21:50:09

Hey, my DF lives three hours away but sometimes he has to visit a work site close to our house. My DS is five months and we co-sleep in the spare bedroom normally. My DF has recently been coming around (three nights over the space of a week) and staying around, he normally arrives around eight pm, has a shower at ten (whilst DS is asleep so this can sometimes wake him up) and then wakes up and goes to work before we are all awake around seven am... I love my DF and do not want to make him feel unwelcome but it is just not working for us as last night when he was here, me, DP and DS tried to sleep all in our bed and there was no room, it was too hot and DP was snoring and hard to wake. I ended up having to take DS and go downstairs to sleep, it was uncomfortable for me and DS. (I know that I should have just made DP go downstairs) however - AIBU to ask if DF does not sleep for a while?

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm Tue 05-Jul-16 21:55:08

How often does this happen? Surely it's ok if it's once in a while. He lives 3 hours away from his daughter and her family

crunchymummy Tue 05-Jul-16 21:58:46

There's no sort of set frequency, it is as and when... it just happened to be three nights over the last week.... I appreciate that he doesn't see us often as well and I try and visit as much as possible, also I'm not saying no to him coming round to visit it is just the staying round the night that is tricky

CurlyBlueberry Tue 05-Jul-16 21:59:34

She says it's been 3 nights over the space of a week. That's too much IMO. I'd be asking him to sleep downstairs on the sofa. You don't have a spare bedroom right now, that's how it is.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead Tue 05-Jul-16 22:02:25

It's not that you don't want to see him but it doesn't sound like he's there to see you, he's there cause it's convenient for him with work. But at the moment it's really not convenient for you, so tell him that!

Bottomchops Tue 05-Jul-16 22:17:46

I'd let him come but put him on the sofa. It might put him off!

Dairybanrion Tue 05-Jul-16 22:20:21

I would say I need the spare bed. I wouldn't be all sqoooshed into bed with a 5 month old for 3 nights!
Give him sofa as previous poster said.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 05-Jul-16 22:22:18

Well since he's uing your home as a crash pad rather than coming to visit you, he can crash on the sofa! The spare room is not currently spare at all.

crunchymummy Tue 05-Jul-16 22:26:21

I've thought about this option but my DP stays up pretty late and doesn't want this sad

Bottomchops Tue 05-Jul-16 22:33:10

Put baby in a cot in your room? In a cot with df in the other room?? Or just say no.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 05-Jul-16 22:34:39

Then your dad could come visit you when he's in the area, then go back to his hotel (and shower there!). If he's there for work, surely his employer is providing accommodation costs?

crunchymummy Tue 05-Jul-16 22:51:54

Baby is impossible to settle in a cot, and still wakes up every two hours... so we found that cosleeping works better... haha cot with df in the other room would be amusing...

He is self employed so he sorts it out himself, but just hoping he won't be offended

Pendu Tue 05-Jul-16 23:01:08

Hmm it's your dad though, I'd kinda make do. Plonk DH on the sofa if he likes to stay up late. My mum comes 2-3 nights a week and it's a total pain in the backside, I am still unsure why she does , but she uses our study/spare room which we could have rented out for £500 a month which we really need atm. But we have to suck it up - I've been on the dcs bedroom floor before when DH was sick and she was here .... confused

NoCapes Tue 05-Jul-16 23:04:20

Bottomchops the OP has already said that she co-sleeps - so not sure how suggesting putting baby in a cot is helpful hmm

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 05-Jul-16 23:09:30

Pendu why do you have to suck it up? And why are you unsure why your mother chooses to sleep at your house 2-3 nights/week? Why have you not asked her?

Thomasisintraining Tue 05-Jul-16 23:12:23

What is your plan once the baby is older. I mean he cannot expect this to continue indefinitely if you only have 2 rooms. I think I would get a cheap sofa bed and let him sleep downstairs.

Flisspaps Tue 05-Jul-16 23:14:21

You and baby in spare room, DF in your room and DP can stay on the sofa if he likes staying up late.

KC225 Tue 05-Jul-16 23:36:52

As the frequency has increased you need to establish some ground rules. Explain to your Dad he is welcome but it has been disruptive and it's hard enough finding your feet with a new baby.

Start by asking your Dad to shower when he gets home from work. Plenty do it. As others have said get a sofa bed, ask if he can chip in financially.

If that doesn't work then you may have to have the 'sorry Dad' conversation but you can at least say you have tried to compromise.

Mycraneisfixed Tue 05-Jul-16 23:48:07

I think you need to be honest with your DF. Say you love seeing him but the staying the night thing really isn't working for you. He probably has no idea he's being such a nuisance.

Pendu Wed 06-Jul-16 21:58:55

Because she's my mum....

Shizzlestix Wed 06-Jul-16 22:03:21

Because she's my mum....

So? Not getting this. If you need cash and could rent out the spare room, then why don't you? That's crazy to not make money when you could.

OP, what will you do when your DC does finally settle in his cot? Will your DF still come? How does your DP feel about this? Mine would be fuming to have his home invaded so frequently and to be put out so often.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 06-Jul-16 22:07:14

"Because she's my mum...."
Who you are unable to talk to ...

Pendu Wed 06-Jul-16 22:17:58

Well she obviously feels lonely somewhat so makes an excuse to be here some of the time but I'm not going to embarrass her by asking/outing her. She works (though she retired and doesn't need to work) 2 days a week nearby (though she lives 2h away) . She thinks she's being useful with childcare on the afternoon she arrives, so I let her feel satisfied and keep quiet that it is abit annoying. It's not the end of the world so I let it be - no doubt I annoy her when I roll up with dc in tow for a summer break (she lives by the coast) but I'm her daughter grin
Unless circumstances are extreme , I think some leeway has to be given for family ....

NoCapes Wed 06-Jul-16 22:26:38

I would consider 3 sleepovers a week for no apparent reason pretty extreme Pendu

LyndaNotLinda Wed 06-Jul-16 22:27:35

Just say no. You're not a hotel. This is your home. You don't have to have people ruining your sleep and getting in your way just because they're your parents.

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