Standing up for myself and now dying a little.

[icanteven]

We're having an extension built over the next couple of months. Permitted development etc. Mentioned it to overbearing neighbour who has form for speaking to me like I'm a child and she asked to see the plans. I don't really have a lot of choice, because when you apply for permitted development the council contacts the neighbours anyway, so she was going to see them sooner or later, and I don't mind going through the motions of being civil, even though she is obnoxious (she's a retired professor, and can't quite seem to shake the idea that I'm a first year who hasn't turned up to a single tutorial).

I said I'd email them this week. I work full time, and am flat out finishing a huge project this week, and hadn't got around to it yet.

She saw me on the street coming back from school run and peremptorily shouted at me from getting into her car "SEND THAT EMAIL!" - I paused in surprise, and she followed it up with "NOW!" and got into her car and drove off. Neighbour parent who was walking with me was horrified, I was mortified.

I sent the plans to her and other neighbours in one group email, and then took a deep breath and emailed her separately to tell her that I was "surprised to be spoken to in such a brusque manner today - is everything all right?".

Now of course, I'm terrified to check my email in case she replies. She's been speaking to me like this for 7 years. It's a miracle I haven't lost my cool with her before.

I don't think I was being unreasonable, right?

#chickenshit

[fraggle84]

Definitely not - well done!!!

[Passmethecrisps]

Perfectly well handled op. Good on you

[ChicRock]

Of course you're not unreasonable. I'd have emailed "who the fuck did you think you were talking to".

[OurBlanche]

Good for you... she may even have a mini moment of reflection... or maybe not

[ThePigeon314]

I sympathise. Don't react to her email immediately. Force yourself to read it, and separate out her objections from what POWER she has. Focus only on the bits she has power to object to.

I mentioned a dream extension to my neighbour and she just shook her head and said 'no that'd block the light' even though both of our gardens face directly and exactly south. and her cats crap in my garden and her dog goes in and out of her house (with a loud door slam each time) several times between 11 and 12.45.

[MollyTwo]

Well done for standing up to her. She sounds like a bully who knows full well that she can take advantage of you. Who does she think she is. Don't panic when you receive her reply. Get angry, and don't let her speak to you like this.

[Justmuddlingalong]

You've stood up to her for the 1st time. Well done! Each time you stand up to her from now on, it will be easier.

[YouMakeMyDreams]

You were far more diplomatic for far longer than I would have been. And I know if she replied and was arsey I'd be arsey right back. Good for you.

[bitemyarsenic]

Crikey - she would have been told to fuck right off and bite my arse before I would have sent it - cheeky cow !

[TheNaze73]

Well done OP. Keep it professional, polite & non confrontational. Takes away all her fire. She sounds obnoxious

[80schild]

You needed to do it. To her face would have been better, but well done for doing it.

[icanteven]

Thank you, lovely vipers! I'm a grown woman of nearly 40, I should be able to handle this by now.

I will definitely not open any scary emails until tomorrow, should one arrive.

[2nds]

You brought the subject up with the neighbour so I kind of think you are opening yourself up for these scenarios each time, I'd have kept shtump about the plans until they are informed of them by the council because by telling her about them you are allowing her to get a say in at this earlier stage.

[JackieAndHyde4eva]

Well done you.

Next time stand up for yourself by not rewarding her nasty attidude by doing exactly as she says! Ignore her.

[whois]

Well done!

[Foslady]

And if she starts tell her to direct her comments to the LA when they write to her (and any objection will have to be based on planning issues - not that she just doesn't want it)

[KC225]

Well done, for finding your voice. Quite frankly, I admire your restraint

[3littlefrogs]

My surveyor said that there is no such thing as "right to light".

It is easy to work out whether any light will be blocked, but this is actually very rare. It is worth doing a bit of googling on this.

[nicenewdusters]

I think you have amazing self-control, what a horrible sounding woman. Could you be equally brusque in future ? Even if she split the atom during her career that doesn't give her the right to speak to you that way.

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

You were much nicer than I'd have been OP. If anybody spoke to me like that, whether in private or public Id have been torn between a head tilt and a "what's the magic word and a resounding Fuck Off.

In the nicest possible way, stop being so fucking wet. She is your neighbour, an accident of address only. She is not your boss, mother or God. She has NO right to demand things of you and needs put in her place. Keep standing up to her. And don't mention any plans for anything ever again - let the proper authorities deal with her!

[Winterdaisy]

Ummm she sounds like my MIl? Retired professor you say?? Demanding/difficult beleives she is better than everyone does she? Do you live in London? West London? (I really fear you could say yes and then say the post code 😳)
Yep only way is to stand up to her. Never tell anyone about plans again though let the council do that!
Be strong !

[TheWitTank]

She's lucky she didn't get a "fuck off dickhead". Rude rude rude. Well done on the email.

[TruJay]

Good for you! I can't stand rude people

[Barmcakebessie]

I doubt she'll think anything of it, sounds arrogant enough to shrug it off but well done for not just letting it go, what a cheeky cow. Hope all goes well with your extension, we've just finished ours and had some grief with neighbours as we had to have a skip stuck in front of their house for a short while..there was murder over it!

[PhoenixReisling]

What the hell!

We had an extension built and our neighbour came and spoke to me about it. There were some things on the plans that I wasn't entirely 100% about so invited the neighbour to come over so DH and I could show them properly. Our neighbour actually went to the LC themselves as they didn't want to disturb us again and to speak to someone at the LC no doubt why didn't your neighbour do that if it was that important?

Well done on sending that second email....it was very polite she was an obnoxious cow. Next time she behaves like that and there will be a next time, you will need to assert yourself and speak up at the time.