Babysitting

[Sunshinefor4]

So my friend who is very dominant asked me to come out with her for an expensive night. I said it was too much cash so she said ok can you babysit then? I should have not been such a wuss and said neither but I said ok I will babysit. I have four small children myself including toddler twins btw. I was thinking I have enough on my plate as it is. Oh and I have never asked anyone to babysit for me before so this is not payback babysitting. I think my 4 DC would be too much for my friends so have never imposed. I offered to come over to my friends house to babysit she said she would rather I had baby at my house. She also said maybe baby should stay the night too to make it easier for me. I though heck no that is not happening so I said no I will wait up for her to pick up the baby that evening. . Friend said ok and then said I just want to make it easier for you. Baby was to come over at 3pm till 1am ish. So it got to the weekend the day before I wa die to babysit and it was a gorgeous sunny weekend. We were invited to a mutual friends house for early dinner the next day. My kids would love it nice big garden for us to picnic in and their friends were there. Myself and the friends that invited us do not drink alcohol so it would have been a calm dinner. Just a family friendly thing for the kids. Anyhow I asked the friend I was babysitting for if it was ok to bring her baby with me for 2 hours for dinner. She knows the mutual friends and likes them. She replied ok. The next morning (the day I was babysitting) she text me at 7am saying she is really not ok with me taking her baby out with me and has had a screaming row with her DH who couldn't see the problem. She then said she was really upset. I was a bit put out but offered (I think like a wimp) to let DH to take my dc and I would instead come and babysit. She made me feel really bad for suggesting to take the baby out and then at the last min said I could take the baby. She was stroppy and unappreciative. Was I in the wrong?

[MollyTwo]

Why on earth are you behaving like a doormat? She is taking advantage of you big time. She has a cheek asking you to babysit and then wanting it done on her terms. You need to speak up for yourself.

[rollonthesummer]

What is the matter with you? I don't understand why anyone would let themselves be spoke to like that!

Phone/text/carrier pigeon her and say sorry-you won't be babysitting for her now. How often does she babysit for you?

[Reality]

You need to practise saying 'no, that doesn't work for me' in front of a mirror. Keep practising until it comes naturally.

[ImperialBlether]

For heaven's sake, woman! Why are you letting this bully treat you like that? And where's your husband/partner in this? Why isn't he shrieking with outrage?

[thepothasboiledover]

Tell her to fuck off and find another mug. Cheeky entitled bitch I am raging for you

[Buggers]

How old is baby?

[rollonthesummer]

Why would you agree that having the baby overnight was easier for you?!

You're doing the favour- you get to call the shots, not her!

[Brightnorthernlights]

I really, really don't understand how you can type what you just did and then ask if you were being unreasonable.

[Mysteries]

It's never too late to change your mind when a dictatorial control freak user has bamboozle you into sth u don't want to do. Take courage next time and say no. I know such people are v persuasoive an make u feel guilty, but they wonm't bother u in future if you change year mind and say no

[DoreenLethal]

Her having a hissy fit at you taking the baby to your friend's was the perfect get out. Why didn't you take it?

[cathpip]

Omfg, if you had offered to babysit my baby with having all yours you could of done what the hell you liked......she's a cheeky cow, next time tell her to fuck off and point he in the direction of a baby sitting service!

[putthehamsterbackinitscage]

Hang on... The night out was supposed to be you and her... Has she changed her plans or why can't her DH look after baby ?? Especially if he is against you taking baby with you ...

Plus she has a cheek anyway - you are doing her a favour - she agreed to it then changed her mind.... I'd say sorry that doesn't work for me now - either baby comes with me or find another mug babysitter

[whois]

One word. Doormat.

Practice some situaitons at home, with your DH. Roleplay. Practice saying things like "no, I can't babaysit for you - I have too much to deal with my own 4 DCs. Hope you find someone".

[Sunshinefor4]

thanks for the perspectives.........I agree totally! I have never asked her or any other friend to babysit ( I like to not impose on any of my friends) hmmm I like to be kind but I think my kindness has been taken for being a fool. I was thinking she was being mean but when she got so upset I had to think have I just done a big no no when babysitting someone else's baby? Is it the case of if you say you will watch a child you don't take them out? Her baby is 9months old.

[Sunshinefor4]

I agree I need to practice saying no

[lalalalyra]

You are doing her the favour. You said you'd look after her child, you didn't agree to staying in your house all day and night.

Sounds to me like she was jealous of you and mutual friend spending time together. Even her own DH thought she was being daft.

You need to stand up to her. There's a world of difference between doing a favour and being a doormat.

[user1467793859]

I know this might not be anything to do with what use are talking about but I need a bit of advise please! I have a two week old baby and my aunt is having a big birthday celebration for her 40th next week and the week after is my sister's wedding..... my sister has offered to stay over at my house and babysit for me and my partner to go to the 40th birthday and my partner's mum is keeping her the weekend after for two nights while we're at the wedding.... I can't help but feel quilty for not being there it's just a pity they were both so close together or I probably wouldn't feel as bad I keep worrying incase she missed me I never felt this way about my other three getting minded. Please tell me if I'm doing the wrong thing? Xx

[PeaceNotPieces]

She's no friend at all.

You have 4dc and she's asking you to babysit her baby? Really?

Does she not think you have enough on?

Id seriously lose that baggage and start saying no more often.

"No" doesn't always need an explanation, just say "no" and if questioned why not, say "I don't want to".

[molyholy]

user - without wanting to sound rude, start your own thread.

OP YANBU, but you need to stand up for yourself in future.

[user1467793859]

Well im only new to this so i didnt know how it works! Was only looking a bit of advise

[Brightnorthernlights]

Advice.

[TheUnsullied]

user - starting your own thread is quite easy. Just navigate to the topic you want (you're in AIBU at the mo) then there's a menu on the top of the page with the option to add a new thread. AIBU can be more brutal than a new user might expect, but the chat or relationships topics are a good way to ease yourself in.

[TheUnsullied]

Sunshine, in your position I'd message/call the friend telling her that you won't be babysitting. She's being a cow and if she wants someone who won't leave the house, she should put some money aside and hire someone rather than relying on favours from friends who have enough on their plate with their own kids.

[memyselfandaye]

My god it's time you found your inner twat.

Really, don't be anybody's doormat.

She's a cheeky cow, I bet she would'nt be too quick to return the favour even if you only had one child.

[Sunshinefor4]

Oh man you lot are funny I've been laughing at all of your replies. Thanks for the reality check and the stop being a doormat slap. I needed it. I really do need to practice standing up for myself in life. Recently I have had allot of these situations where if I had just said no to start with it would never had gotten so out of hand. I'm going to work on it.....maybe Amazon has a kindle book on assertiveness I need to women up!