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Just a small rant really. I know IABU.

(26 Posts)
Memoires Tue 05-Jul-16 13:28:14

I've not worked for years as I have a life-long disabling condition, which has made it impossible. I have hated not working.

I recently started volunteering, and they have decided that they can just about afford to pay be absolutely basic s/e no-strings-attached wages, which has made me very happy, as I know they have really pulled out the stops to find the money to do it.

I told dh, who immediately got onto the Tax Credit people, telling them the absolute maximum I could earn, with very little reference to the reality of what I am likely to earn (unlikely to do those hours consistently, and pretty much impossible to do that many weeks pa).

The result is that his TC have gone down by a bit more than the amount I bring in.

I am pissed off that instead of being able to splash out by, maybe 20 quid a month, he now expects me to give him all I earn to make up.

I know that rationally it's fair enough. I pay for the weekly shop and most of the top ups during the week, all school stuff, pocket money etc, out of my dla and CTC, while he earns and gets the cb and WTC with which he pays the utilities; if he hasn't earnt enough then I transfer funds so contribute that way too.

I was really looking forward to buying some nice moisturiser, not expensive but something which is a small step up from Lidl £5 job. Boots, about 20quid maybe. I was looking forward to shopping around. sad

I am being ur aren't I?

myownprivateidaho Tue 05-Jul-16 13:33:14

Have you considered just calling the tax people and correcting them about the level of your income? confused

Reality Tue 05-Jul-16 13:33:36

Tbh he sounds financially abusive.

Can you call the tax credits people and tell them your actual likely figures?

I don't understand why you're paying for everything out of your benefits and he's only paying utilities.

whois Tue 05-Jul-16 14:37:44

Set up sounds strange.

monkeywithacowface Tue 05-Jul-16 14:43:54

I suppose it depends really, does he have money to spend on himself? If yes then he is being very unreasonable if no and all his money goes towards living expenses then yabu.

Either way I do empathise with you it's shit when you can't treat yourself to something others would consider an everyday item

hellsbellsmelons Tue 05-Jul-16 14:47:46

Get back onto the tax credit people and tell them what is likely to be your money.
I can't believe he did that without even knowing what you will actually be getting.
So where does his wage go?
Does he have savings?
I'm confused about the money to be honest.
He sounds odd at the very best!

ThatsMyStapler Tue 05-Jul-16 14:55:02

(an aside on the moisturiser, boot time delay is really nice and about £9 and often on offer)

PrimalLass Tue 05-Jul-16 15:04:45

Why don't you just pull all your money and both pay for everything?

ChicRock Tue 05-Jul-16 15:09:09

Your financial set up just wouldn't work for me and DH.

It could be that he's worried about being overpaid by tax credits and then having to pay it back. As a starting point, phone the tax credits (or have him phone them) and provide them with your realistic earnings.

BengalCatMum Tue 05-Jul-16 15:11:16

Cant really help OP (terribly inexperienced in joint financial matters/ tax office nightmares), but taking a seat for cheap moisturiser suggestions grin
Best of luck

AmyGDalae Tue 05-Jul-16 15:13:32

Apart from the whole set up. While this sounds pretty annoying, thinking longer term it will be worth it. Right now it may seem pointless financially, but having paid work on your CV and potentially being able to later take on more senior roles within your organisation or somewhere else will pay off in the long term. Then you can buy lovely moisturiser! Also congrats on the job. smile

Fairylea Tue 05-Jul-16 15:16:05

Surely all income is family money and you and dh have equal spending money?!

Ring the tax credits people yourself and tell them your dh made a mistake. The whole financial set up sounds weird to be honest.

VioletBam Tue 05-Jul-16 15:20:03

OP won't be back.

EverythingWillBeFine Tue 05-Jul-16 15:31:21

Why violet?

Best is to ring tax credit people to let them know the REAL amount you are going to earn.

Then, you need to review your finances with your DH. Not pooling ressources when one person isn't working (I have been in that situation too) wouldn't work for me at all. (And I don;t think is fsair when one person is dependant ion the other).
Why do you think your DH did that? because he is financially illiterate or out of spite?

RubbishMantra Tue 05-Jul-16 15:35:23

Why do you not think OP will not be back? <genuinely curious, do you think she's hiding under a bridge?>

Memoires Tue 05-Jul-16 16:15:00

Yeah! Why do you think I won't be back? grin

I've been on MN since about 2005 but have just namechanged. I promise I'm not a bridge dweller!

Anyway, yes, he used to be fa, and this 'system' grew out of that and actually makes my life better so I have made no moves to change it.

I know it's better to over-state your earnings to TC, so you don't have to pay back later, which would be miserable.

AmyGDalae I'll be 60 in a few years' time, so I have lost any semblance of career. My best bet for work is always going to be knowing someone who knows someone.... CVs shall never concern me again, but I do take your point. I'm not remotely bothered about the small wage, as I figure I'm lucky to be getting paid at all; I have been doing this for a couple of months voluntarily, and they've suddenly thrown some dosh at me grin

Thatsmystapler thanks for the tip! Bengalcatmum, Stapler says Boots Time Delay...... grin

Reality Tue 05-Jul-16 16:16:25

So does he keep all his wages? I don't understand why you have to make up his shortfall unless your utility bills swallow his entire income.

Memoires Tue 05-Jul-16 16:33:57

That's probably why I'm a bit pissed off about it, Reality. He always says he's short and has no money; I don't take it too literally as he does spend on beer/wine - not badly, mind, just the odd one. His income is very variable though, so it's quite hard to budget with any degree of certainty.

EverythingWillBeFine Tue 05-Jul-16 16:45:24

Variable income makes it hard but that's even more of a reason to pool things together.

YY about it been better to overstate the amount you are earning but there is overstating and overstating iyswim.
Knowing how much you think you will actually earn, how much difference is there between what he said to the tax people and how much you think you will be earning? And how much difference would it make to your TC?
It might be easier for you to keep it at the max and then enjoy a bit more money at the end of it. Or easier to give them a more accurate figure and then adjust if you see you are actually doing really well.

Reality Tue 05-Jul-16 16:45:36

Do not give him your earnings. They are yours. I'd be getting ready the child benefit put in my name if I were you as well.

EverythingWillBeFine Tue 05-Jul-16 16:46:40

What is crap is when you are working for a bit and then end up with LESS money than with the benefits sad

That's why some people don't accept some small job. They will worse off.

And I can see how frustrating it is too.

VilootShesCute Tue 05-Jul-16 20:16:00

Everything I earn goes in to joint pot with dh and I despite me only working one day a week. It's frustrating that I don't have complete freedom but within a marriage shouldn't it be that way financially as it's all spent on joint bits? My dh earns the majority but I have a roof over my head and food to eat. I'm very grateful tbh

Memoires Tue 05-Jul-16 20:18:18

It's such a tiny amount of money I was surprised it made any difference to TC anyway - prob about 200 quid a month - and that's what he was down last month. I've just done my invoice for last month and it's less, not substantially less, but with such small margins it makes a difference.

Anyway, thanks for all your suggestions. I'm going to see how it goes for a few months, and transfer dosh as and when so, Reality, I won't just hand it over. I'll see how things are in September, when we're into the new school year.

I'll get the nice moisturiser in a few months! Delayed gratification, eh, there's nothing like it wink

missymayhemsmum Tue 05-Jul-16 22:26:57

If you are self employed then you can set lots of expenses eg travel against your earnings, reducing what you declare to taxcredits so it should hardly go down at all. If your DH's earnings are variable you also need to check that what you are declaring jointly is realistic. Has he overdeclared his earnings as well?
I think you should keep part of what you earn as pocket money to cover some of the extra costs of working- tidy clothes, lunches with colleagues, birthday whip rounds and nice moisturiser!

Memoires Wed 06-Jul-16 00:02:51

That's an idea, missmayhem, expenses. Not sure what I could claim for - they make lunch for us all (and v yummy it is, too!). Travel to work is an idea. I'll look into it.

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