We have been separated for 2 years following his infidelity. I was wohp but he chose to leave and has said he considers me the main parent as I did all the 'thinking' and would never want to 'take them from me'.
We share custody about 30/40% to him. He is pretty hard up and I don't know how much work he is getting atm (temps as cover supervisor and does some online stuff too, but we don't speak much anymore really). I got a debt collection letter to my (marital) home a few months ago addressed to him and, following advice, gave them his new address. He has always been a nightmare with money and I am paying off credit cards that 'we' ran up, though he was always the bigger spender.
Today he was supposed to drop ds1 with me (strike day for me an ds!) after dropping ds2 at school. He brought them both round 15 minutes before school and asked me for £200 til the end of the month. I said no. He threw their bags at me, said he couldn't look after them then (supposed to have them tonight and pick them up from school and keep for an hour tomorrow) and would have to leave his car here as it had no petrol. I was too shocked to really react and concentrated on getting ds2 to school. When we got back the car had gone.
He has had no money from me since he moved out, but has worked asfaik. Recently got a small flat, has visited friends in Italy twice since the split, paying for flights and turning down temping work. He often takes the kids out to eat, which is expensive and I rarely do it, despite being on a good income. I think his card must have got declined this morning as he said nothing to me when we swapped ds yesterday and was pleasant. He is so careless with money.
We have agreed through a mediator that he will not ask for spousal maintenance, I will continue to pay for pretty much all dc stuff (he only pays for the food they eat with him and any activities), I can raise 17.5K against the mortgage and will give him 14k (will settle marital debts with the rest). There is only about 40k equity, and if we sold, baring in mind he would never get a mortgage, he would not be much better off than the 14k - could be worse off if prices do fall and it goes for less.
I could afford to give him £200 but I don't want to set a precedent and don't believe I would ever see it back. I have taken on extra exam marking this year as I am worried about paying for the divorce, (mediator alone cost enough) and I want to be able to give the dc a good summer.
I just wish I could give him the 14k tomorrow, but I suppose we need to wait for a judge to sign off on it and the divorce is taking ages to come through as a copy of the cert has to come from USA and it's proving difficult.
Sorry this is incoherent and long - he has spun me into anxiety – again.
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AIBU?
To not have lent ex this money?
42 replies
notagainnellie · 05/07/2016 09:42
OP posts:
Pearlman ·
05/07/2016 13:51
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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