AIBU to worry and WWYD?

[Cutecat78]

My two DSD's learnt to swim last year - we paid for a few lessons and we also take them a lot (and I try to help/teach them) as their mum (who I have a good relationship with) doesn't (I think) like swimming and they never go with her. They are 9 and 11.

A few times recently they have gone in and we have watched from the side they piss about a bit and just splash each other, have tried to dunk each other and don't really swim - when they have ventured into the deep end the life guard always sends them back to the shallow end as they are clearly not strong swimmers.

Am really concerned to see photos of them swimming in the deep river near their house with strong currents and their mum clearly taking pictures from the house a good way away and them jumping of the jetty with no adult in sight or in safe distance to help if one of them got into trouble.

OH is away ATM and I don't know if I risk really over stepping the mark by saying something - it gives me a cold sweat thinking about it.

AIBU and if not how do I go about it?

[edwinbear]

Gosh, yes I would be worried to. Are you sure there isn't anyone else supervising them close by, just not caught in the photo?

[Cutecat78]

Def not.

[StoorieHoose]

Don't say anything. Raise your concerns with your OH who can then take it up with their mum

[MeAndMy3LovelyBoys]

I'm with Stoorie.

[turnaroundbrighteyes]

Can you contact your OH and let him know ?

[Cutecat78]

No I can't - not until October.

[edwinbear]

I agree, it's for your OH to raise with their mum but he really should. Cold, cramp, entanglement etc, all things which can cause problems for strong experienced swimmers, let alone children.

[Cutecat78]

I am worried but he won't be back until summer is over - and so much could go wrong before then

[edwinbear]

Sorry x post. In which case I think you do need to mention it, it's terribly risky if they will be swimming there all summer. Can you perhaps discuss it direct with the children?

[formerbabe]

If your oh won't be back for a while I think you should definitely talk to their mum about it, especially with summer holidays soon.

[Cutecat78]

I dunno - I can kind of see that back firing if they say to their mum that I have said something to them.


It's really tricky.

[Notagainmun]

You have to mention it to you'd DH. Why can't he contact his ex even if he is away? Surely you speak to him by telephone or online?

[edwinbear]

If you asked them if they think it might be a good idea to wear a life jacket that might be a good conversation starter? Or ask them don't they feel cold or a bit scared, just to get into the subject.

[Cutecat78]

No we can't speak at all.

[turnaroundbrighteyes]

Thats a long time, would mention it from the point of the lifeguard at the pool said they werent strong enough swimmers to swim in deep water so you were worried seeing them in the river with currents as well.

[Cutecat78]

Maybe I could buy them some life jackets - depends whether she would make them wear them.

[HarryPottersMagicWand]

notagain, not necessarily. If he is in the forces or something, he may not be able to get in touch much, if at all.

YANBU OP. I wouldn't bring it up with the children. You need to make their mum aware that they aren't strong swimmers at all and it is dangerous for them to be swimming somewhere they could get into trouble easily.

[ParadiseCity]

You've got to do something. Best option is to talk to the mum, to say you were worried as even in the pool the lifeguards told you their swimming was not up to scratch, they warned you the children are not good enough swimmers for the deep end, let alone to swim where there is a current.

Who does the river 'belong' to - whose is the jetty? Is it illegal to swim there - is there anyone you can report that to?

[Notagainmun]

You would never forgive yourself if something happened to your DSC so you will have to bring it up with their mother even if it r and your good terms with her.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

What's more important - their fun or their lives?

You say you have a good relationship with their mum, then talk to her. Just say something like 'I hope we, or the girls, haven't given you the wrong impression about their swimming ability, they're coming along, but they are still very much beginners, not strong swimmers at all. The lifeguard won't even let them in the deep end unless we are in with them - he'd be very worried if they were swimmimg in a river'.

[ParadiseCity]

By the way - my kids are 9 and 11 and could easily tell me porkies about how things work - they may have convinced their mum 'they can swim' - I would be nothing but grateful for someone pointing out risks that my DC has misled me over.

[Cutecat78]

I know - I feel so uncomfortable about it.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

No to life jackets. They can compound the problem and give them a false sense of safety.

[chitofftheshovel]

I totally see your predicament. How do you get on with her usually? And how did you wind up seeing the photograph?

[edwinbear]

Yes, if she doesn't much like swimming herself and never takes them, she may not realise they're not strong enough swimmers for the deep end of the pool yet, let alone a river. I think that's a good idea to mention the lifeguards don't allow them in the deep end of the pool just yet and you were worried seeing them in a deep river.