AIBU re: DH Ex

(11 Posts)
Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 10:16:01

I have name changed for this, but hoping for perspective.

My DS is moving college for second year of his course come September. He has been accepted and all is good. The reason for the move is because the new one is closer to home and has better facilities. My DS has aspergers and will be getting extra support.

We have had a number of issues at home, including DS not coping with GCSEs, running away and coming back , my DH being diagnosed with a serious illness and having lifesaving surgery and is in a long recovery. The new college is aware of this as it impacted DSs attendance and his performance on his course. His learning needs assessor has been great and will support him in class but has recommended he meet with the student counsellor.

Prior to us being together, so 10 years ago, my DH worked at the college and was in a relationship with one if the student counsellors. He ended it before it got, he says, too serious. She wanted him to meet her children. He didn't. He is younger than her - 12 years younger.

When we got together, I was aware they were friends from Facebook and thought she commented a lot on his things but he only mentioned their relationship after a few months of us being together. She then started openly putting suggestive comments on his updates, and have him a silly nickname. I told DH I thought it was a bit much and he told her to stop.

Following that she sent me a tonne of bonkers shite. She messaged me to tell me I was a bitch for stopping him speaking to her, I was lucky to have him. He was all she ever wanted and now she couldn't even doesn't have access to hi him as a friend. It broke her heart to see him with my DS as he would not meet her kids so I must have hypnotised him. Proper batshit crazy. I did not respond at all. She then said she would burn my house down so I reported it to the police and blocked her. End of.

That was 6 years ago. But she is still a student counsellor at the college. WIBU to speak to the college and ask that she does not get access to his file if he does want student counselling services? Or would I look mad? Is this a conflict of interest? I am embarrassed about the whole thing. I did not want to stop DS from going there over this, it is a good college. But I don't want to risk more crazy stuff.

Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 10:17:58

Sorry about weird typosconfused

Farmmummy Sun 03-Jul-16 10:25:04

Tbf as there is a reasonable chance DS may need to access counselling services it might be wise just to have a plan in place with the college especially given the nature of the threats and your DS aspergers to prevent it affecting him

dowhatnow Sun 03-Jul-16 10:26:50

She does that and she's a student councillor. Wow.

It was 6 years ago. She may have changed.
Either
leave it until it becomes evident you need to do something
Or
I would ask for a meeting with someone senior and ask that they be kept separate to each other etc but I would just state "for personal reasons" and ask for the conversation to be off the record or confidential. You don't want to cause trouble before it has even started. Don't go into any more detail, but you've logged concerns in case it does escalate.

Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 10:29:48

I am worried they will not believe me and view me as a problem parent. I am also worried they will withdraw his offer. Can they do that?

RedHelenB Sun 03-Jul-16 10:29:50

If it was reported to the police it should show up on the enhanced CRB check so college should already know about it. How manyt student counsellors are there in the college?

Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 10:32:31

The website shows 7 counsellors. They have a 'Meet the Team's section.

I thought it would show up too on a DBS, but they only talked to get. No formal caution or anything.

Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 10:33:13

Talked to her. Bloody autocorrect.

RedHelenB Sun 03-Jul-16 18:12:29

It still would be reported ( in wake of Ian Huntley where there were only allegations)

trafalgargal Sun 03-Jul-16 20:04:55

For your own peace of mind I would speak to the college ahead of time. For all you know all the stuff that went on could have being the run up to a breakdown or there was something else going on at the time in her life.

I'd just firmly request that your son is not allocated her as a counsellor because she has previously had a personal relationship with a close family member. If they say no you will need to explain why ...if as is likely they say yes. Job done. Could probably be requested in writing without a meeting.

Gammonhands Sun 03-Jul-16 20:26:04

Thank you everyone. I will speak to the department lead. There is an open afternoon next week.

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