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To rule out BFs new partner

(26 Posts)
Myfirst Sun 03-Jul-16 01:56:12

I have a male best friend. He goes from one partner to another every 18 months. Usually he dumps and moves on. Except this time he is now 40 and panicking so decided he should settle down. I am married and settled with children (no
Conflict of interest!). He told me he is going to go with this "one" as it's as good as it gets. I think he has been happier with previous partners but ruled them out as he felt he was too young to settle down. I have never had an issue with any of his previous girlfriends and his current gf is lovely but if asked I don't think they are right together. I know I have a big say in his decision about her (which in itself says It's not right). AIbU to say I think she is right for him or should I be truthful?

Just5minswithDacre Sun 03-Jul-16 01:59:16

Rule out? Big say?

I'd worry more about the dynamics of this situation, if I were you.

peppercold Sun 03-Jul-16 02:02:09

Why do you get a say?

TowerRavenSeven Sun 03-Jul-16 02:03:44

Be tactfully truthful but don't be surprised if he does what he wants to any way. My brother was having problems with his gf and asked my opinion and I was truthful - he seemed stymied by her, seemed happier with others, etc. nothing very hurtful but just being honest.

The next time I spoke with him (two weeks later) they were engaged and he bought her a ring. That was 14 years ago and they are still married. I'm so glad I didn't diss her completely back then!!

Just5minswithDacre Sun 03-Jul-16 02:07:52

This sounds like Dangerous Liaisons, TBH. Totally bizarre that you get a 'big say' in a friend's choice of life partner.

OfficiallyUnofficial Sun 03-Jul-16 02:10:33

You need to back right off. Maybe there is a reason he hasn't settled down...

Myfirst Sun 03-Jul-16 02:12:48

Dynamics? What do you mean?

I have said to see how it goes.
It's not for me to say either way but I know he will bring it up again when we meet up this week. I don't want the responsibility of informing his choice. I have tried to be neutral so far:

Myfirst Sun 03-Jul-16 02:14:11

Thanks for the comments. I think I'll back out and avoid our usual meet ups for a while.

pinkyredrose Sun 03-Jul-16 11:08:32

Why do you have a say in who his partner is?

WorraLiberty Sun 03-Jul-16 11:11:58

Has he mistaken you for Simon Cowell?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Sun 03-Jul-16 11:28:12

I don't want the responsibility of informing his choice

What does ^ even mean?

Lunar1 Sun 03-Jul-16 11:30:47

Why do you have a big say? I'm confused.

OnionKnight Sun 03-Jul-16 11:33:38

Why should you have a big say? Keep your beak out.

MrsSpecter Sun 03-Jul-16 11:36:38

No wonder he has never settled. He's in love with you.

Arfarfanarf Sun 03-Jul-16 11:46:33

You get a say in who his partner is?
That is weird as fuck, you know that, right?

happypoobum Sun 03-Jul-16 11:47:46

There is definitely something a miss here. I wouldn't have set such store in a best friends opinion before marrying and I don't know anyone who would.

It does make me wonder if the reason he has never really settled is because he is in love with you and never really put any of those other women first? What a dreadful shame.

Noonesfool Sun 03-Jul-16 11:49:59

Agree, MrsS

Queensbelfastvcisasexistprat Sun 03-Jul-16 11:51:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Sun 03-Jul-16 11:55:34

"I like her. She seems very nice. However, it is what you think that matters. Remember the saying - don't marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can't live without."

NerrSnerr Sun 03-Jul-16 11:57:44

Christ. This is really odd. One of my best friends has a new partner and I am going to meet her soon. Guess what? I will be very nice to her and support him in whatever choices he makes. Why on earth would you get to choose his partner? Just meet up as usual but don't interfere.

headinhands Sun 03-Jul-16 11:59:42

What makes you think you are an accurate judge of their suitability. I couldn't be so presumptuous as to assume I could do that for a friend. If she's lovely that's enough. Leave it at that.

Goingtobeawesome Sun 03-Jul-16 12:01:32

Oh, another fake I don't know why.....

Fairenuff Sun 03-Jul-16 12:06:46

Haha grin

A 40 year old man who can't make a decision for himself? Nah.

Don't worry about it, he won't be able to have an adult relationship with anyone.

eddielizzard Sun 03-Jul-16 12:17:01

meet up. don't leave him in the lurch now, if you're really a good friend.

if he asks, just say it's absolutely his decision and you will support him. if he pushes, tell him what you truthfully think but remind him it's his decision and your opinion shouldn't sway him.

Sirona Sun 03-Jul-16 12:21:09

I would say nothing. I agree it sounds really weird you thinking you have such a big say in his relationship, especially if she's lovely.

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