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AIBU to not want my MIL to speak so negatively to my DCs

(65 Posts)
Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:20:01

My MIL and I don't have a great relationship and I know she doesn't like my parenting style but we muddle along together.

We've had a few disagreements mainly because I like to do things my way and she wants me to do things her way. Things are OK at the moment so I don't want to rock the boat but something is really niggling me.

She only sees the kids once a week so I don't know if I'm blowing this out of perspective. She always calls my children names like a little villain, dope, git, plonker, idiot. When my DD wet herself she called her dirty. She then says, what are you a dirty girl and makes her repeat it.

I know it's only once a week and they (my DD really as my other child is a baby so doesn't understand) get lots of positive reinforcement the rest of the week but surely that's not good for your self esteem?

Also I've had to tell my DD to stop calling me a plonker! Yes nanny says it but we don't use words like that in this house.

AIBU and should I just put up with it for the sake of keeping the peace? If not how do I say something without causing another fall out?

Hobbes8 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:26:58

She made your daughter say "I am a dirty girl"? What the fuck?

Nocabbageinmyeye Sat 02-Jul-16 20:27:04

Yanbu. She made your dd repeat "I am a dirty girl" after she had an accident? Last time she'd be seeing my dd, wtf? You do not humiliate children like that angry

SewSlapdash Sat 02-Jul-16 20:28:09

YANBU. You don't say anything, your DH/DP does.

It's not acceptable for him to "send you into battle" (as it were) on this.

Oly5 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:29:00

I would be absolutely fuming about this. This is no good at all for your children's self esteem and can be very damaging.
Don't leave her alone with the kids and I would make it very clear to her - and your DP - that her calling them names is totally unacceptable!
What does your DH say??

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:30:41

Yes when she said that I said no your not. All children have accidents. I was very angry about that one! I can't stop her seeing the though. It would cause a massive issue with my DH.

monkeysox Sat 02-Jul-16 20:31:18

This makes me sad. Poor kids sad

Shizzlestix Sat 02-Jul-16 20:31:39

Git and idiot are not words I would ever use to children. YANBU. She needs strict telling from your DH and you.

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:32:24

My DH says it's just what they're like. It's only once a week. Don't cause an argument etc etc. He just wants an easy life. He makes me I'm being dramatic.

MoreGilmoreGirls Sat 02-Jul-16 20:34:14

This is very very wrong. At such a young age this can be very damaging to your little DCs. Do you have your DHs support re his mum because this needs to stop now.

MoreGilmoreGirls Sat 02-Jul-16 20:34:43

You are not being dramatic! I am actually fuming on your behalf

Dutchcourage Sat 02-Jul-16 20:34:55


Do not ever let anyone tell your dd that she is a dirty girl again.

Your Dh needs to speak to his mother about this but you also need to let her know she doesn't speak to your kids like this again.

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:35:54

Yes I would never use any of those words around children. It's awful and even worse when they start saying them. I'm going to speak to my DH again now I know it's not just me overreacting.

titchy Sat 02-Jul-16 20:36:00

Every Sunday tell your dh he's an arsehole every time you talk to him. When he complains tell him it's just once a week what's the problem.

YeOldMa Sat 02-Jul-16 20:36:31

YAVDNU. Some kids literally can't help themselves from having accidents and no kids should be made to feel like they are dirty. Perhaps you could get your husband to talk to her about times changing and you are both keen for positive parenting to give her great self-esteem not negative parenting which will make her feel awful.

HarryPottersMagicWand Sat 02-Jul-16 20:36:33

She is a vile twat and your DH is a spineless idiot that needs to stand up for his children. Your poor DD, what a nasty thing to say. I'd hit the roof at her calling them plonker, idiot and git. My DCs wouldn't be seeing her and tough shit what their dad says.

You can tell children not to say things and it have any meaning when their own nan is actively calling them this! It will damage their self esteem, once a week is plenty enough to do that.

Purplebluebird Sat 02-Jul-16 20:38:37

What! I would be seriously pissed off at that. You need to make it stop, this is damaging behaviour from her part. Absolutely unacceptable sad

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:39:56

Titchy hahaha haha!

thepothasboiledover Sat 02-Jul-16 20:41:45

I'd fucking nut my MIL if she spoke to my kids like that! That's awful. What a nasty old bat she is.

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:47:13

OK I feel bad now that I've not had a go at her about it!

girlywhirly Sat 02-Jul-16 20:55:17

So is DH always there when MIL says these things, and he puts up with it for an easy life? Or is it only you and the DC expected to put up with it when you see her without him? Either way it's pretty mean and unkind of MIL

I think if it's just you and the DC you can suddenly not be available for visits. You can say that as she thinks your DD is a dirty girl for wetting herself, you will spare MIL any other potential accidents and not see her.

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 20:57:37

No its just me who's there. So if he says anything it'll be that I've told him what she said which makes it worse. I suppose I need to find a way to say something at the time.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 02-Jul-16 21:00:45

Why on earth haven't you told her in no uncertain terms she does not speak to the kids like that if she wishes to see them again

ChunkyHare Sat 02-Jul-16 21:01:14

My Grandmother did this to us and it was every 2 weeks, and we hated her for it but moreso now our parents for subjecting us to it.

She treated us badly, put us down whilst telling us how great our cousins were sad

You need to stop this now.

Geevis Sat 02-Jul-16 21:05:05

It's not so simple. I have done this in the past and is caused such a rift between me and them and me and my DH I'm treading on eggshells now. I say no your not, we don't say things like that etc hoping they'll get the message but i worry if I say anything more we'll go back to where we were. It caused a massive amount of stress for my DH and was very upsetting for everyone.

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