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fed up with my husband. fed up with my kids. fed up with my life.

(55 Posts)
Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:19:42

no clue where im posting or if anyone will even see this but my goodness im at the end of my tether.

i honestly wish i could turn back time. my son is horrendous. he is 12 but is one of 'those kids' you know the kid that all the teachers dread coming into their class. he is mouthy and really rude to any adult that is in his life. he loves fishing so he does that with his dad/my husband but also really enjoys football so i do everything i can to arrange nice weekends away camping with just me and him/him and his dad, etc. but he is never grateful he will just abuse that nice treat by being nasty while we are there. making threats. he is at an alternative provision from the next academic year but is in isolation every single day at school until the end of the school year while we have continuous meetings about what is going to happen with his education/at the alternative provision.

i have an amazing second son who is 9 and he really is a sweetheart but he is one of those cheeky kids that can get on your nerves and he really tries to push his boundaries and will just laugh when you tell him off he enjoys swimming so i always try to do 1-1 time with him by taking him swimming or to a water sports day in the summer holidays but he is just cheeky to the instructors and no he isnt as bad as harry but he isnt great. he is ok at school but seems to enjoy winding people up and it isnt on. i have parents who dont want to go near me because he has annoyed their child in some way. which i get but then I have no adult friends who may be able to offer some advice. i have gone into school and asked them to help make a plan for us to all move forward and for me to follow at home and they have told me how thats my job and have given me a really funny look like im wasting their time and have told me how they are trying with him and that im not doing my bit but i am!! he just doesnt follow this plan well. he sees the school counsellor and has been working well with her by doing art but i have no idea what he talks to her about. i feel like he just talks to her about what an awful mum i am sad

my daughter is 5 and she is following in their ways. she just walks around the classroom and refuses to sit down. i have done lots of discipline with all of them, removing toys and pocket money and them having no tv to shouting to being nice there just is not a way.

my husband left when i had my daughter as he had gotten another woman pregnant and i had no idea he was even seeing someone else. he seems like a fab dad to his new baby but awful to our children. he says that it isnt his job to pay his way. btw he is still my husband as he is refusing a divorce for whatever reason tbh i dont want a different last name to my kids anyway.

i am working in 2 places no they are not great jobs but im really trying. i sort the school photographs out, etc. and then do a supermarket too.

my kids steal my money and just spend it at the shop but i dont know why when that money is to help them anyway and they get pocket money.

im so fed up. tbh i just want to up and leave.

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:30:01

is this even in the right section

bellybuttonfairy Sat 02-Jul-16 20:36:14

oh bless. I haven't got any advice but you sound at the end of your tether.

It sounds incredibly hard :-(

I just wanted to say that I read your post and hope you get some good advise soon x

bellybuttonfairy Sat 02-Jul-16 20:37:27

*advice - 'twas an autocorrection!

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:38:07

thank you x

RJnomore1 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:40:17

Oh love.

It sounds like you are trying so hard and you are worn down. Do you have any real life support - family, friends, anyone?

Pearlman Sat 02-Jul-16 20:41:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sherlock35 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:41:22

Bloody hell. You have got a lot on your plate. I'd ask school for a referral to a Family Support Worker. And do something nice for yourself too. It sounds like you need it. And deserve it tbh.

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:43:00

no no real life friends i just dont have the time to build up any relationships, i dont get on with my parents.

oh i am tough, really tough at times, but it doesnt change anything. they just run away out to the park and i have to drive around for hours if my daughter doesn't have anything she will mark the walls with soap

spottedwoodpecker Sat 02-Jul-16 20:43:33

Talk to your GP. IT sounds like you need support and that very little is forthcoming from the school.. I am sorry you are

WanderingNotLost Sat 02-Jul-16 20:44:23

I don't blame you for being fed up. That sounds utterly crap.

Could your kids be behaving this way as a response to all that's happened with your H or have they always been this way? Are your younger two naughty in general or do they do it as a way to get attention back from the eldest?

wobblywonderwoman Sat 02-Jul-16 20:44:27

Oh god op sorry to hear this.

I don't want to say I know what to do but I think totally changing tactics. Pearlman has given. Dont let them get you down. Really really strict. No rewards at all until the week is out.

So sorry you are going through this sad

Pearlman Sat 02-Jul-16 20:44:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PotteringAlong Sat 02-Jul-16 20:47:25

You've used your eldest sons name in your post - you might want to report it and get the name removed.

8FencingWire Sat 02-Jul-16 20:48:10

Drum, I have no idea what is actually going on in your household, but from what you say, the kids have no boundaries and no worry about consequences.
I would try strict routines with them. Starting from: make your bed and brush your teeth before you do anything else. Uniforms laid out from the night before. Simple things that reinforce the fact they need to comply.
If anything, it will give you a structure as well, dealing with one thing at a time.

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:48:16

they have lots of boundaries that isnt fair to say they dont when there are lots of rule and punishments in our house

maybe the younger ones are doing it for attention but I spend lots of 1-1 time with them so I'm not sure why I'm thinking they are just copying him but olly is different to my first son with behaviour so I'm not sure

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:50:14

i have tried the routines and when I tell them they have to do it they say they dont and will just go and sit in the garden which makes us all late so yes for doing that he doesn't get any fun time that day but he doesnt care because he will be missing school for just sitting in the garden

mynamesnotMa Sat 02-Jul-16 20:50:56

Gosh you sound exhausted no surprise.

How are the kids when you reward them and do nice things for them?

ilovesooty Sat 02-Jul-16 20:51:02

You've used your other son's name now. I really think you should report your posts and get the information removed.

Sighing Sat 02-Jul-16 20:52:12

Wow. That sounds very hard. You don't have to have a different surname if you divorce. You need to not let your husband get away with completely ditching his children (I realise that is harder than it sounds) but he needs to man the fuck up and support his kids.
Are your parents family available to back you up with discipline at all? Especially with the eldest.
Sorry you're struggling. Do find if support is available. The school sound sucky in thst regard have they suggested a referral for family support?

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:52:25

sorry i didn't know you couldn't use names I'm new here

they just act all nice and then when we are there they will say something nasty, so I will take them home and then they are even worse

RubbleBubble00 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:53:56

Get to your gp and e a good chat. See what services they can offer you.

We had a brilliant course with a Banardoes support worker, who came to our house to help us (I have Sen kids) but she told me she works with any family facing difficulties esp teens. They also offered great parent support.

Sound like you have all had a bloody hard time. Working out your eldest son as only 7 when dad walked out to his new family. Might be worth considering some family counselling - check out relates website.

And divorce the twat. You have grounds for unreasonable behaviour. Get you session of free legal advice

Petal40 Sat 02-Jul-16 20:55:11

I've been in yr shoes....I won't go in to what my kids were like as this is about you and can turn this around,but it will be bloody hard...firstly no shouting ,treat them as you would wish to be treated...secondly,smile cuddle them love them tell them they are loved.they need to feel secure in your love,secure that you will never leave them.then spend all yr time playing games with them ,drawing painting parks ,talking to them bombard them with your love and yr on their side ,fighting their them you are glad you had them,show them you need them and would never be with out them...I've been yr children as a child myself....and I've been in your shoes as an adult ...I've older teens now,nearing 20..... We are ok will be too X

annandale Sat 02-Jul-16 20:55:37

This sounds incredibly tough.

Many areas seem to offer parenting classes as about the only support for parents, have you been offered something like that? I don't think it's your parenting that's wrong but you sound as if you desperately need support.

The only advice I would have is kind of opposite - to go very positive in your approach - to catch them doing something good, or just not doing something bad, and name it, praise it. Focus always on what they are doing right, for however tiny a fraction of time.

Drumling Sat 02-Jul-16 20:56:30

But I have tried to be nice to them and I just get told about how I'm useless and they would rather be without a mum than have me

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