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To have shut the door in her face?

(67 Posts)
SouperTrooper Sat 02-Jul-16 16:05:44

A bit of background, I'm all over the shop at the moment as I'm currently 12 weeks pregnant - still have full blown morning sickness and am exhausted. Added to this I came out in full blown itchy hives a couple of days ago and this morning I woke up with something akin to (but thankfully not) flu. On top of everything I have a delightful DD who's 2, but has discovered the world of tantrums - these can go on for up to an hour and myself and DH are trying to figure out how to manage them. Safe to say I'm pretty much at the end of my tether and really can't figure out how awful I was to this woman before so need the perspective of mumsnet.

Earlier today, I was in the middle of trying to put my DD down for her lunchtime nap and was struggling with her having a massive tantrum when the door rang. I ignored it but it rang again about 30 second later. I thought it was probably DH who'd nipped out to pick up a prescription for me (he has a habit of forgetting his keys).

I picked up my daughter and headed downstairs, when I opened the door there was a woman stood there, she looked quite friendly. I immediately said, "I'm really sorry but I can't do this now, I'm trying to get my daughter down for a nap, so I need to go". She said she used to live at our house, and there should have been some post for her. I said I was sorry but we hadn't had any post delivered for anyone other than us recently, and we always wrote return to sender with anything for the previous people who lived here. As I was closing the door she said but it was months ago that it would have been sent here, it was membership for the national trust that had been renewed and sent to her old address. I again explained that we hadn't had anything for her and I had to go. She then said all she wanted was her letter and why wouldn't I give it to her? I then got annoyed and snapped at her that I didn't have her letter, we hadn't received anything like it and I had to go as I was having a bad day, I needed to get my daughter to sleep. I said I was sorry I couldn't help her and shut the door in her face.

I know my reaction wasn't great, and had I been feeling normal I probably wouldn't have been as rude, but now I'm feeling guilt about taking out my exhaustion and frustration on a total random person. Although I think my reaction might also have been influenced by the fact that when her and her friends moved out of the house - a year ago - they totally trashed it (paint all over the carpets, penises drawn on the walls) and it took us a lot of time and money to fix before we were able to move in.

So mumsnet jury, was I a total cowbag and completely unreasonable? Or slightly justified? I am happy to accept your verdict either way.

Libitina Sat 02-Jul-16 16:07:54


HermioneWeasley Sat 02-Jul-16 16:08:04

You told her repeatedly that you didn't have any post for her and she wouldn't leave you alone. I'm not sure what else you could have done.

SirChenjin Sat 02-Jul-16 16:08:37

No, you had explained politely that you were not able to speak to her at that point and that you didn't have it - you weren't "refusing" to give it to her.

If she's that bothered (after months of not being bothered) she can phone the NT and get them to send her a new card to her current address.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson Sat 02-Jul-16 16:10:19

Firstly YANBU
Secondly it sounds very dodgy as if you want a replacement National Trust card (even if you have changed address ) you just phone them up!

sepa Sat 02-Jul-16 16:10:47

I'm not sure I would have been so polite. Why anyone would think you would keep post for months on end. If it happens again say you put it back in te post as return to sender

Dairybanrion Sat 02-Jul-16 16:11:19

Not unreasonable.
She should have read the situation and left it.

almostthirty Sat 02-Jul-16 16:11:40

Yanbu. She didn't listen when you repeatedly said you didn't have the letter, I'm just surprised you didn't shut the door sooner.
Also, who waits months to pick up a letter
If it's that important they would have picked it up sooner.

Doinmummy Sat 02-Jul-16 16:12:31

I'm shocked that members of the National Trust would graffitti penises on the walls grin

Hissy Sat 02-Jul-16 16:13:53

Do you know ir was the woman for sure? She sounds very pushy and unreasonable for this to have been genuinely her.


Toofondofcake Sat 02-Jul-16 16:15:30

Nahhh tiredness and sleep deprivation do things to us all and that lady sounded overly persistent.

She probably thinks you're crazy but who cares what she thinks long term. Just take a deep breath and if she comes back tell her to change her address with the NT and re-order it.

RaspberryOverload Sat 02-Jul-16 16:15:42

YANBU, she most definitely was.

ChicRock Sat 02-Jul-16 16:16:14

I think you were incredibly restrained under the circumstances.

BolshierAryaStark Sat 02-Jul-16 16:18:28

YANBU, not on the slighest-in fact you were way more tolerant than I would have been.

RaspberryOverload Sat 02-Jul-16 16:18:45

Thinking about it some more, if by some miracle you'd had the letter, I think it would have been good to demand ID before handing it over.

She sounded persisten for someone wanting a letter sent months before. Although, there are some seriously entitled people around who would have genuinely expected a letter to have been kept for some long. I've had the misfortune to meet one or two.

londonrach Sat 02-Jul-16 16:22:10

You can get replacement nt cards by phoning then so no need to knock. Strange.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sat 02-Jul-16 16:26:42

I'd have gave her shit for trashing the house before she left - who the fuck does that?!

stonecircle Sat 02-Jul-16 16:26:54

Sounds to me like she was either unbalanced (given her refusal to accept that you hadn't held onto any post) or that she was trying to get into your house for malicious reasons (you go off to check while leaving the door open and she steps in and pockets any valuables she sees).

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Sat 02-Jul-16 16:30:06


from her refusal to accept "we don't have any post" I would be suspicious that she was trying to get an invite in while you double checked… for reasons other than NT

claraschu Sat 02-Jul-16 16:30:51

Am I the only person who doesn't know any penis-grafitti-artists with National Trust membership? That must be a small demographic...

carabos Sat 02-Jul-16 16:32:15

doinmummy my sentiments exactly shock. The mind boggles at the thought of stereotypical National Trust types doing that - do you think they used stencils and Farrow & Ball heritage paints? wink

228agreenend Sat 02-Jul-16 16:34:29

Maybe a little rude, but totally justified is my verdict on the situation. You repeatedly told her that you didn't have the post, and she refused to listen.

Who waits several months before chasing up a lost National Trust card? Surely you would know straight away that it has not been sent, after you paid or renewed your membership.

I agree with other posters, sounds a little dodgy to me. Was she tryimg to gain entry, or distract you?

Well done in what you did!

Doinmummy Sat 02-Jul-16 16:37:41

grin grin Carabos

BluePancakes Sat 02-Jul-16 16:49:04

It wasn't me - honest! - but we moved house last year. We got out new NT membership cards etc before we moved, but apparently I hadn't contacted them to change address. We do have postal redirection set up for a year (as we've been receiving other stuff) but I only realised when we were planning to go to a NT property earlier this year, that we hadn't been sent the usual brochure with car park sticker etc back in January. I phoned them up, they said they had posted it, but were happy to update our details and post us all the new stuff to our new address. No issues.


LauderSyme Sat 02-Jul-16 16:52:54

YWNBU, totally agree with other posters, she should have taken your word for it the first time. You are obviously not a cowbag at all; if you were, it wouldn't have even occurred to you to worry about it. Congrats on new baby and hope you feel better soon.

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