Advanced search

to not pick my mum up tonight?

(52 Posts)
cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 15:46:09

So I had plans this morning to go see my mum, grandma and grandad then go run some errands do a few things in the afternoon. My mum rings me asking me if she can come sleep on my sofa tonight coz she's not feeling well and thinks she will collapse. I say to her it's not possible because we can't pick her up later because we have things to do and it will get too late, we have to cook and DH has a friend coming over to help him with some work. We have a 7 seater car but won't have room to pick her up coz we have 5 kids and me and DH obviously so that would mean he would have to drop me and kids off and make another trip to pick her up and we would have to cancel any plans we currently had. I've told her to go to A and E because she said she has such a banging headache and feels faint.. Her response was 'on my own?' I can't go With her coz I have have a 3 weeks old baby to breast feed. She's now saying she has no family who can be bothers with her and making me feel bad basically but is it really my responsibility that she's not well? Am I unreasonable to expect her to deal with this herself? She's got no kids at home now and can't be on her own?? I feel like she's not 'a mum' because she doesn't understand I have kids and now wants me to essentially 'care for her' at mine coz she can't do it on her own.

cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 15:47:58

We didn't end up going seeing them after all that

ApostrophesMatter Sat 02-Jul-16 15:48:27

YABU. She obviously needs your help and you're making feeble excuses not to her her. She's old and afraid. Very uncaring and mean of you.

ApostrophesMatter Sat 02-Jul-16 15:48:45


ilovesooty Sat 02-Jul-16 15:48:49

Perhaps your mistake was to do too much explaining to her.

Just tell her again it's not possible and leave it.

ilovesooty Sat 02-Jul-16 15:49:56

She can't be that old if her parents are still alive and independent.

GipsyDanger Sat 02-Jul-16 15:50:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable. She's a grown women. She can take care of herself.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis Sat 02-Jul-16 15:51:49

Unless your dm has form for exaggerating and feigning illness for attention, YABVVU and cold hmm

Lovepancakes Sat 02-Jul-16 15:53:12

This is tricky as she's not right to make you feel like this and she isn't thinking of you having your hands full enough. So it depends on your relationship really because personally I would still want to go with her.
Are your plans very important? as most people would understand if you had to say your mum was feeling ill- presumably she's not close enough to anyone else she can ask?
You know best how demanding she is generally as this really affects what is the right thing to do and she certainly shouldn't make you feel bad as your own children and family have to be your priority when you have such responsibility there already.
I hope you're ok too and it must be hard being in the middle being needed by both generations!

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia Sat 02-Jul-16 15:53:49

a woman ill enough to need A&E and asistance to get there thinks she'd like to come sleep on the sofa of a family with five kids

she needs a talking-to OP...don't feel bad!

cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 15:56:41

She's 45 lol not old

sepa Sat 02-Jul-16 16:04:30

Assuming your mum isn't always asking things like this then YABVU. Your mum isn't feeling well and it's too much hassle to go pick her up and let her stay??

ChangedDays Sat 02-Jul-16 16:05:20

Yabu and a little heartless

cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 16:06:05

She's not old she's 45.
She's got a habit of this though. She's always asking my sister to go up to hers and says family can't be bothered if she refuses. Some of my plans would not be seen as important apart from one which is getting shopping in. She just doesn't like being on her own. She's always complaining about her being in her own which isn't nice but I can't always be there. Before I got pregnant with my 5th she was always up here and always went to places with us ( which I didn't mind and was great) but since being pregnant and giving birth I've felt distant towards her ( I can't explain why I blamed hormones) and I've got a lot going on with myself. My mind is not settled with a lot of stuff going on but she doesn't seem To understand how hard it is for me. She only sees her problems. We don't have an emotionally Close relationship, we get along and very rarely argue but I don't feel like I can connect and open up to her if you get me

Creampastry Sat 02-Jul-16 16:08:31

I think I get where you're coming from and it sounds like you should be congratulated for not pandering to her demands, trying to be a drama queen and centre of attention.

saskdilemma Sat 02-Jul-16 16:09:12

You have 5 kids and you're mother is only 45? You must be around 23/27 but even at that age 5 kids seem like an awful lot. flowers
By your own description, yANBU.

IamCarcass Sat 02-Jul-16 16:09:15

You have five kids inc a three week old breastfeeding baby and a mother who is just 45. I'm inclined to say YANBU.

cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 16:12:56

I'm 28. Mum my mums 46 next month

Lovepancakes Sat 02-Jul-16 16:14:03

From your further posts by the sound of her YANBU at all.

sepa Sat 02-Jul-16 16:14:19

Well if she does it all the time then no it's not unreasonable

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 02-Jul-16 16:17:37

You knew she wasn't really ill. You did the right thing.

Actually, if I were you I would not have offered lengthy explanations. I would have offered, even insisted, on calling an ambulance.

PinkyofPie Sat 02-Jul-16 16:20:02

You have 5 kids including a BF 3 week old and she's --emotionally blackmailing you--demanding you go to A&E with her? YANBU - is she often like this? Do you have siblings?

People saying op is 'cold' - her mum is 45, not 90, and don't k ow what she's usually like.

Pearlman Sat 02-Jul-16 16:28:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cantcope2016 Sat 02-Jul-16 16:36:57

She said she felt dizzy and when I said to her it would be too late to pick her up later in the day she said 'well if I collapse... I only asked for one thing' so basically making me feel bad

DrivingMissLazy1 Sat 02-Jul-16 16:40:56

Has she asked your sister?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now