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AIBU re 'surprise' visitors post baby birth

(23 Posts)
TallulahTheTiger Sat 02-Jul-16 11:34:56

Baby came early and due to various issues we ended up in hospital for about 10 days- am still mostly bedbound. Really not up to lots of visitors and have made this clear- why on earth do some people think that doesn't apply to them?!! DM called to say her DS had popped over to visit them and they were on way over 'just for a quick hug and hold, really we'll be no bother'. Said no and I wasn't ready for them to come.I am still leaking from everywhere- and cannot go to the loo without building myself up for the pain. Am I being too precious? We've only been home a few days and I'm thinking I may be irrational due to lack of sleep!

Pearlman Sat 02-Jul-16 11:42:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Queenbean Sat 02-Jul-16 11:45:06

Do you mean your brother? Of course, your baby, your choice, but the baby is now two weeks old which does seem quite a long time for the grandparents and uncle not to have met the baby. Could they be of some help to you? Washing up etc etc? Assume DP is looking after the baby while you're bed bound, could they give him a break for a shower and some sleep?

milkyface Sat 02-Jul-16 11:45:08

I read ds as sister rather than son.

Yanbu whoever it is, Imo when you've just given birth what you say goes re visitors.

Icecappedpinetrees Sat 02-Jul-16 11:46:28

Is it relevant If it's her brother/half brother/step brother? The point remains that they are uninvited guests at a time she's recovering.

Yanbu. While you are still in agony and leaking then you deserve some space and peace.

Also, no means no. When you are ready you can say so.

DocMcFanjo Sat 02-Jul-16 11:53:04

Are you on your own with the baby?

If DH was around I'd probably say okay but I'm in pain so won't be down. Then let DH supervise the cuddle downstairs and let them shove off after that.

If alone I'd either ignore texts and doorbell or say "not now, health visitor is here, maybe later when DH is home".

Bit cheeky of her to be on her way without giving you a chance to say no really.

TallulahTheTiger Sat 02-Jul-16 11:54:21

GP have of course already met baby, this is extended family so it's my Aunt and her family DM wanted to bring up, am not stopping contact just I would like to be the one to extend the invitation not just have people turn up.

TallulahTheTiger Sat 02-Jul-16 11:56:08

Thankfuly not on own with baby DH has been good with guarding door Including turning away nosey neighbour who appeared at door on return from hospital!

Mouikey Sat 02-Jul-16 11:59:13

YANBU, be honest and say your just not up to it right now, but hope you can arrange something in a week or so when you've recovered a bit more. Good luck xx

Veryveryveryfedup Sat 02-Jul-16 12:07:08

YANBU even my Dad thought it was OK to surprise visit me in hospital, I was expressing milk at the time...

ohtheholidays Sat 02-Jul-16 12:18:21

Of course YANBU OP stand your ground,you and your health and your baby comes well above the wishes of those that want to visit.

Congratulations on your new baby OP and I hope your feeling much better soon. flowers

RaeSkywalker Sat 02-Jul-16 12:25:27

YANBU. Hope you feel better soon flowers

happypoobum Sat 02-Jul-16 12:27:48

Definitely YANBU. I would text DM and tell her you are turning your phone off for a week so you can get some rest!

I remember when I had my first and XH aunties would just turn up at the door unannounced. I just refused to answer it. Bloody rude anyway, but especially when you have just given birth.

Congratulations - flowers

NCInger Sat 02-Jul-16 12:59:21

Grandparents have seen baby, your aunt and cousins can wait if you are still suffering. Get husband to phone your DM and explain you are really not feeling well and would love them to meet baby soon when you can move.

ShiftyLookingBadger Sat 02-Jul-16 14:12:53


This really pisses me off, regardless of whether you are having a good or crap recovery. It's up to you if you want to see people or not so put your foot down or get your DP to lay down the law to potential visitors.

Visitors will have their opportunity soon. You, baby and partner come first.

Congrats! flowers

YouTheCat Sat 02-Jul-16 14:35:19

Give it 10 minutes and some person will pop up on here to tell you to 'suck it up' because they're family.

Do what is right for you and your recovery. I'd be having very stern words with your dm.

Pearlman Sat 02-Jul-16 15:04:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GipsyDanger Sat 02-Jul-16 15:11:00

No no no no. Don't do it. you and Abby are no1 right now, relatives can wait

GipsyDanger Sat 02-Jul-16 15:11:33

Baby! you and baby are number 1
....were you looking for a name grin

Benedikte2 Sat 02-Jul-16 15:34:27

It's a shame your first few weeks haven't been the best, but that's the luck of the draw. Hope you start to feel well soon so you can get on and enjoy your precious baby.
You are certainly not being unreasonable, in fact you've got your priorities right -- it's often hard to put our own welfare first so well done in doing so and don't feel at all guilty.
Arrange a time when it's convenient to you for extended family to visit. Maybe ask your DM to come over to make tea/ coffee for your visitors!
Good luck for the future.

queenofthepirates Sat 02-Jul-16 15:44:19

Can I make a suggestion? Make a little video of you and DC and post of FB or email it to your nearest and dearest. They get a little baby fix and they can quickly see you're not up to visitors yet.

TallulahTheTiger Sat 02-Jul-16 17:22:50

Thanks all, good to know am not being all PFB- my family are very 'close' and often see each others homes as extensions of there own so I know I'll be subject of gossip for not adhering to the norm of an open house! Thanks for suggestion re video queen I'm going to do that. Have pulled on my big girl pants and left it as, 'that doesn't work for us, I'll give you a ring soon to organise something, and will then just repeat this to all!

amarmai Sat 02-Jul-16 17:44:33

The hospital keeping you 10days tells us it's going to take a while for you to be act on your feet dealing with more than necessities. LOok after your self ,op. You are not BU , they are.

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