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to have fallen asleep when I said friend could stay over

(52 Posts)
Sonders Sat 02-Jul-16 07:23:12

Hopefully I'm not being unreasonable but I feel horrendously guilty and haven't been able to get back to sleep!

On Monday, most of my closest friends met up to watch the England match, including a couple (let's call them Jane and Steve). We were discussing where to watch the Wales match and Jane mentioned that she wouldn't be there as she was going for drinks with work friends, and Steve was away working.

Steve asked if someone could offer a place to crash in case Jane missed the last bus or train - we (other 8 friends) all live within a 20 minutes walk of the centre, Jane & Steve moved from my street to the 'burbs at the end of last year.

I said of course she could stay at mine, it makes the most sense as we have an actual spare bed as opposed to someone's sofa or floor. It's also quite rare for Jane to go out drinking, she loves to be in bed by 10 - same as me smile

I didn't hear from Jane all night so texted her at 10:30 when I got back from the Wales game, asking what the chances are that she'll need somewhere to stay (this was about the time of the last train / an hour before last bus).

Again, I didn't hear back. I think spent 2 hours cleaning the flat/making up the bed/making sure she had towels etc just in case.

I got to bed at 12:30, still no word, called DP (who is also away travelling) who said knowing Jane, she'd gone home at 8:30 and gone to sleep.

So I fell asleep. I woke up at 5:30 because the cat decided he needed to sit on someone's face (thanks, cat) and I checked my phone in a panic - about 9 missed calls from Jane/Steve and 4 messages.

None of the messages were rude/grumpy, just asking if Jane could still stay over.

I feel awful, I'd made sure to not have my phone on silent and checked Jane/Steve were both my favourites so the phone would ring, I didn't check the volume though and it was on the quietest setting. The landline is broke at the moment (again, thanks, cat) but I don't think they have the number for it anyway.

I thought Jane would just come and knock on the door/ring the doorbell. My bedroom window is right next the the front door, I even closed the front gate as it's a noisy one and though her coming through it would give me a chance to grab jammies and let her in.

So, AIBU for not being more careful when I said a friend should stay?

NoahVale Sat 02-Jul-16 07:26:05

well, you can feel guilty that you had your phone on its lowest setting, if you are determined to feel guilty.
but other than that. just apologise, and hope they crashed somewhere else

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Sat 02-Jul-16 07:27:09

No, I don't think yabu. You contacted jane/Steve (do they share a phone?) and had had no reply by 00:30, if I'm reading properly. Were you supposed to just sit up all night, just in case she/they rang?

ApocalypseSlough Sat 02-Jul-16 07:27:11

Not at all. Assuming she's a grown up and not a teenager or vulnerable adult she should have confirmed with you earlier.

dudsville Sat 02-Jul-16 07:27:14

She should have responded to your earlier contact and made contact herself before such a late time. My oh recently anticipated needing to stay at a friend's and had a key to quietly let himself in. You shouldn't have to wake up just whenever she rolls in!

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 02-Jul-16 07:29:20

She didn't contact you before 12.30am? She is being completely unreasonable and you did more than most would have done. I'd have text at 10.30 'going to bed now, phone on silent, if you need somewhere to stay text in the next 5 minutes' then stopped worrying about it

QueenofLouisiana Sat 02-Jul-16 07:29:21

No, she should have been able to let you know well before midnight. You can't hang around all night waiting.

StealthPolarBear Sat 02-Jul-16 07:31:21

I don't quite Follow bt was half midnight the time she knew she'd missed the last bus? So she wouldn't have known in advance that she needed to stay with you as she didn't know she'd missed it?

RubbleBubble00 Sat 02-Jul-16 07:31:21

Not your fault. She should have contacted you earlier.

Hassled Sat 02-Jul-16 07:36:56

Blimey - this is not your fault. What did Jane expect you to do - wait up till the early hours for her on the offchance? She should have been in contact way, way earlier. What time was the first missed call? Presumably it was well after 12.30, if you were in a deep enough sleep to have not been disturbed by the phone.

MammaTJ Sat 02-Jul-16 07:37:22

Last train 10.30, last bus 11.30, last time you looked at phone, an hour after last bus!

You have nothing to feel guilty about. She new way before she started ringing that she had missed them both!

Sonders Sat 02-Jul-16 07:38:56

Jane and Steve have separate phones, Steve just likes to look after Jane as she's incredibly disorganised (he's only slightly better).

The last train is around 10:30 and the last bus around 11:30, I think there's a night bus that takes her 90% of the way home, but it would have probably been a 20 minute walk too.

I thought at 12:30 she would have worked out that she needed somewhere to stay (or was asleep).

Normally I would leave a set of keys in the postbox but I hadn't heard from her about staying since Monday - the gate and front door would have definitely woken me up anyway. With DP away, we only have one set of keys and I don't want to risk them going missing. Jane & Steve used to have keys for the flat but when they moved they handed them to the next closest friend who promptly lost them.

heron98 Sat 02-Jul-16 07:41:20

Not your fault. You text her and she didn't reply. I wouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.

In fact, chaotic people really piss me off. Hopefully Jane will learn to be organised and Steve should just stop being so interferring.

<overly involved>

Sonders Sat 02-Jul-16 07:41:44

First missed call was at 01:28, last at 02:20. Jane could have easily walked (20 mins) or got the bus (10 mins - we're on a main route so every night bus passes a min from my flat) in that time.

redpinkblue Sat 02-Jul-16 07:42:28

YANBU and there is such a thing as a taxi hmm

Sonders Sat 02-Jul-16 07:45:29

Taxi back to theirs on a meter would be over £40, pre-booked maybe £30 (although this is based on the fare 10 years ago when I last had to go that far out!).

Taxi to ours is about £6 though so she could have done that

LadyStarkOfWinterfell Sat 02-Jul-16 07:45:35

I can't believe she called you at 2.30 am hmm how old are these people? And is disorganised code for selfish twats?

greenfolder Sat 02-Jul-16 07:46:28

Given that she is a whole grown up person who also has an other half picking up after her yabu to feel guilty. How about texting her and saying something like. Hope you got home ok. You were welcome to stay as you can see from my texts to you. If you had come here, I would have let you in. Your lack of organisation causes stress in others.

Inertia Sat 02-Jul-16 07:52:33

I don't think you should feel guilty - half past midnight is pretty late to expect to turn up to someone 's house, having ignored all previous contacts!

AnyFucker Sat 02-Jul-16 07:52:42

Don't give it another thought

Sonders Sat 02-Jul-16 08:05:10

We're all around 30, most of us way past the stage of partying til gone 1 in the morning. Jane is normally glued to her phone too so I don't know how she didn't see my message.

I don't think they're consciously selfish. Jane in particular is the most spoiled person I've ever met - her mother still babies her and she loves it. She doesn't act entitled or rude, she seems to expect some things to magically be done. I think that's one of the reasons Steve feels she needs to be looked after - if anything she'd like him to be more controlling!

LaContessaDiPlump Sat 02-Jul-16 08:11:41

Text them both back later saying 'Sorry I missed your calls Jane, but since you didn't answer my messages at either 10.30 or 12.30 I assumed you'd made other plans! The house was all ready for you to stay but I would have appreciated some warning on what time you'd get here. Anyway, never mind - hope you had a good night!'

eddielizzard Sat 02-Jul-16 08:19:38

oh no! i made up the guest room and waited for you until 12.30! what a shame.

Chocolatefudgecake100 Sat 02-Jul-16 08:20:14

Yanbu and you know it jane obviously did see your messages if shes usually glued
To her phone but got
Drunk and ignored youve nothin to
Worry about

wallywobbles Sat 02-Jul-16 08:20:28

YANBU at all. Their behavior is beyond the pale.

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