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Date nights

(33 Posts)
Lucaslovesfelicity Fri 01-Jul-16 20:30:11

Just a quick question out of curiosity really. What is the general consensus of a couple going out on date nights, once they have children. It's something me and my husband very rarely do but my DM informed me today, that going out alone without the kids is something you shouldn't be doing, once you become a parent. I feel a little guilty now for even considering it. We never ask either sets of grandparents to babysit in an evening, as we feel that it is something that they really wouldn't want to do. So on the occasion we have been out, which has been once this year to an evening wedding reception, we have paid for a babysitter. So, AIBU to want a night off as a couple once in a while? TIA x

gabsdot Fri 01-Jul-16 20:33:58

I think it's important to have date night although in saying that Dh and haven't gone out together for ages.
You don't even have to go out
Order a take away or cook a nice meal, rent a movie, have an early night. It's definitely good for your relationship.
Your MIL is being an idiot BTW.

Pearlman Fri 01-Jul-16 20:36:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsFarm Fri 01-Jul-16 20:37:32

Not sure why the MIL is an idiot? Did I miss something?

Going out for dinner or the cinema is nice once and a while (been far too long in this house too mind you!) don't assume the grand parents don't want to mind your kids. At least ask them, and if you have a reliable babysitter why not head out once and a while, it doesn't have to be every weekend

iklboo Fri 01-Jul-16 20:38:41

Your MIL might not have done it, but there's nothing wrong with you & your OH going out together once in a while.

Birdsgottafly Fri 01-Jul-16 20:53:52

I've babysat my GD, since she was a few weeks old. This has included when my DD and her DP has gone out for tea, they also went to the pictures.

At a few months old, I minded her in mine, in the evening, so they could just have relaxed time together.

Your DM is being silly, there's never one way of doing things, including Parenting.

As said, don't assume that your PILs won't be happy to babysit in the Evening, just ask.

RudeElf Fri 01-Jul-16 20:55:49

Ignore your mum.

Everybody, everybody deserves some downtime. Parents need to make sure they get to enjoy some time together as a couple and not just mum and dad. Have your nights out guilt free.

Lucaslovesfelicity Fri 01-Jul-16 20:56:26

It's my mum that actually said it, whilst we were commenting about my brother and his girlfriend struggling to find time to go out ( no kids by the way). I made the comment that me and DH struggle to even get out once a year and it was at that point she said 'well you have kids now and shouldn't be going out without them. I had 3 and never left you all to go out with your dad'!! My parents 27 year marriage ended a few years ago now. Both parents have remarried and both never go out with their new partners either. I'm a little upset that my mum thinks that it is important for my brother and his girlfriend to make time for each other but me and my DH shouldn't. We have 3 children, 2 with SEN and a night off together once in a while feels like a Godsend for us at times.

Whiteplate1 Fri 01-Jul-16 20:56:47

Some of these AIBUs make me wonder

Mysterycat23 Fri 01-Jul-16 20:56:54

Yanbu. That's terrible advice. The heart of the family is your and DH's relationship. Therefore date night (or equivalent) is a vital investment in the whole family's well-being.

MollyTwo Fri 01-Jul-16 20:58:16

Do you really, really think your mother is being reasonable. Come on now, you must know it's ok to have these downtimes just you and DH?

Crunchymum Fri 01-Jul-16 20:59:12

Mrsfarm the OP's mother said couples shouldn't go out alone after having kids.

RudeElf Fri 01-Jul-16 20:59:32

Both sets of my grandparents had 9 children and still got out as a couple. I have seen the photos as proof of my grannies all glammed up looking stunning in their 50's dresses.

mumeeee Fri 01-Jul-16 20:59:59

Yanbu. Your DM is being silly. It's important to go out on date nights without your children.

Julia2016 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:00:20

Personally I think date nights are important. We always feel closer after them, we catch up, have a laugh. You don't have to go on a mad night out, being at home together alone is lovely too.

We are lucky that my parents love taking dd.

Julia2016 Fri 01-Jul-16 21:01:26

Ps YANBU

EastMidsMummy Fri 01-Jul-16 21:02:41

YABU calling it date night.

Cakescakescakes Fri 01-Jul-16 21:02:42

It is essential to have time together away from the children ESPECIALLY if you have child/ren with SN. One of my DC has autism and it consumes our lives a lot of the time so I really need the odd time out with my husband that isn't focussed on that.

timelytess Fri 01-Jul-16 21:03:05

Weekly, if you can bear to be away from the children and if you can tolerate the company of your DH.

Egosumgism Fri 01-Jul-16 21:04:13

We do weekly almost without fail.

Children are only commitment. As much as I love them to pieces, I didn't suddenly want to be nothing but. A parent the day they were born.

RudeElf Fri 01-Jul-16 21:06:40

YABU calling it date night.

Not if they go on a date hmm

FuzzyOwl Fri 01-Jul-16 21:09:00

My DM and MIL would love for DH and me to go out so they could look after DC. We are happy with our little family unit and staying in these days though.

Lucaslovesfelicity Fri 01-Jul-16 21:11:34

Cakes- my Ds has autism& ADD and my daughter has ADHD. We also have a one year old too. I do know my DM is really being unreasonable but just needed to vent, as I really do hate to be made to feel guilty.

Glovebug Fri 01-Jul-16 21:24:00

Your DM is being very unreasonable. DH and I really start to feel the strain if we don't get some time to ourselves every so often

HermioneJeanGranger Fri 01-Jul-16 21:35:12

I think it's actually really important to go out as a couple, and to make time for each other away from the children. Yes, spending time altogether as a family is important, but it's just as important to have time off from being "mum and dad" occasionally.

I remember my parents going out on "dates" every 4-6 weeks when I was younger. I loved it because it meant my favourite babysitter came to look after me and I got to stay up late and eat chocolate biscuits! grin

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