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To have taken his favourite stuffed toy away?

(35 Posts)
EvangelineP Fri 01-Jul-16 19:25:24

DS is 4 and quite a live wire. Tonight I was on Skype to my sister and DS came in and was being very cheeky but fine. He then launched his stuffed hedgehog at the iPad as a joke as he was "throwing at auntie". I told him not to. He did it again. I told him if he threw it at the iPad again he would lose the hedgehog for the night. I've never taken it away. He sleeps with it every night. To be honest I didn't really think it through I just didn't want the iPad to go flying again. He looked square at me and launched it at the iPad again. So I took the hedgehog. He wailed for it for over an hour and I feel awful. I felt like if I gave in at that point the message would be entirely the wrong one. But it is his comfort toy.

NavyAndWhite Fri 01-Jul-16 19:27:49

He was just after your attention.
At four that's what they do, isn't it? It's been a while since I had a four year old.

NeedACleverNN Fri 01-Jul-16 19:30:49

Sorry but I would give it back for a nights sleep!

That is his comfort toy. The one thing that gives him security. Put him into time out if he is being that badly behaved but never take away a comforter

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant Fri 01-Jul-16 19:34:42

You threatened. You follow it through.

But, if he can behave and do some extra "jobs" to say sorry, he can earn hedgy back.

Maybe "write a letter" saying he is sorry (draw sad face) or something?

LouSavage Fri 01-Jul-16 19:34:48

I'd give it back too but I still sleep with my childhood soft toy and I'd be really sad if I couldn't have it, even now. (Yes I need to man up.)
I understand your thinking though.

Obeliskherder Fri 01-Jul-16 19:35:02

I think once you've said it, you have to follow through. Substitute another toy like you'd have to if he'd lost it or puked all over it.

Next time maybe threaten with ending the call and putting the ipad away instead, but 20/20 hindsight 'n' all that... On the spur of the moment we all say things without thinking and kick ourselves.

pigsDOfly Fri 01-Jul-16 19:35:42

The whole night for a 4 year old is an awfully long time, losing his comfort toy for the whole night is very harsh.

Taking it away for the duration of the skype call would have been enough imo then letting him have it back when he was behaving in a more restrained manner.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jul-16 19:37:22

You could always let him earn it back. Say, putting his toys away or putting the shoes neatly.
That way he gets the toy, you feel better but you havent taught him the frankly god awful lesson that he can misbehave and you dont mean what you say.

Imavinoops Fri 01-Jul-16 19:41:12

Now you have said it I would follow through with what you have said. Or at least keep it until the message has sunk in and then say that he can have it back if he apologises to you.

I always try to remember to make punishments that I can follow through otherwise you're right, just giving it back send the wrong message and makes the child believe they have won the dispute making them more likely to ignore in future.

usual Fri 01-Jul-16 19:43:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Obeliskherder Fri 01-Jul-16 19:47:17

Yes did you specify how long you were taking it for?

BeenThereTooSEL Fri 01-Jul-16 20:07:34

See what he would exchange it for. Then you'll know it's worth

ipswichwitch Fri 01-Jul-16 20:13:29

I generally let my 4yo DS earn stuff like that back, maybe by tidying toys away, or apologising (and meaning it, not just lip service, he has to understand why he was punished). I do agree that you have to follow through, but I've been in that situation before where I've threatened to take something away if he doesn't behave (not thinking that it's get that far) , then once I'd done it thinking "shit, why on earth did I threaten him with that?!"

StartledByHisFurryShorts Fri 01-Jul-16 20:20:15

Well you did take it away. Now you can give it back. I'm sure he's learnt his lesson.

(Poor Hedgy will be missing him too.)

witsender Fri 01-Jul-16 20:21:40

He's only 4. Give it back.

EvangelineP Fri 01-Jul-16 20:23:44

I backed myself right in a corner as it was within an hour until normal bedtime hence why I took it away for the night. He did go to bed with hedgehog's stunt double (Hedgehog 2). I feel like a right cow so have slipped hedgehog 1 back in his bed with him so if he wakes it's there. In future I'll just use time out. I just really wanted to finish my conversation which didn't happen anyway because of the wailing. I didn't think he would push it so far either. Sigh. I think I'll tell him in the morning that I could have handled it better and should have put him time out and I won't take it away again but for heavens sake stop knocking over the iPad when I ask.

SuperFlyHigh Fri 01-Jul-16 20:26:31

I'm the one lone voice here, yes he's 4 yes it's his comfort toy, he'll know not to test your boundaries so easily again and that you follow through re punishment. He'll live without it for one night.

Disclaimer - I had a small teddy (always kept him) and velvet kanga which I have no idea what happened to kanga he or she was my favourite with small teddy. In fact I am wondering (and guessing) that kanga got too old...

SuperFlyHigh Fri 01-Jul-16 20:28:37

Your last post op just makes you out to be a wuss sorry! He's gone to sleep fine... No need for apologies etc just do time out in future, what on earth are you pandering to a child for and explaining your reasons for punishment for bad behaviour?!

NavyAndWhite Fri 01-Jul-16 20:35:08

How long had you been skyping for?

Coconutty Fri 01-Jul-16 20:37:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeenThereTooSEL Fri 01-Jul-16 20:38:03

Stunt hedgehog grinthat's funny! Ha ha!

usual Fri 01-Jul-16 20:40:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaddyHatter Fri 01-Jul-16 20:43:50

i would have removed it until the conversation was over, rather than for the whole night!

Hindsight is always 20/20 though smile

MorrishBored Fri 01-Jul-16 20:46:26

I think it's lovely that you have it back!

MorrishBored Fri 01-Jul-16 20:46:45

Gave sorry not have!

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