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to want to look hot if I ever bump into my ex?

(53 Posts)
GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:35:45

Disclaimer: I am 33 but I have borderline personality disorder, so I tend to misconstrue social etiquette and also act/think immature for my age. So apologies in advance if my immaturity is too irritating for AIBU.

My issue:

I am on a serious weight-loss mission at the moment, aiming to lose 2-3 stone. I wrote a 'list of reasons to lose weight' and stuck it on my dressing table mirror. One of the reasons on the list was "to look hot if I bump into an ex". Other reasons included, being able to run faster, look better in photos, etc.

My current boyfriend (of 4 months) and I made an impromptu stop by my house for a quick shag as I we aren't seeing each other over the weekend. Normally I would prep my bedroom beforehand (clean sheets, remove the weight loss list) but as this visit was impromptu I forgot. Boyfriend started reading the weight loss list. I tried to get it off him and explained it was private but he read through it anyway. He took issue with the fact that I'd want to look hot bumping into exes, and left in a sulk.

I thought it was pretty common to want to look hot in the event of bumping into an ex? I often see memes referring to how mortifying it is to bump into an ex when you look shit.

Just to make it clear: I don't want any of my exes back. Wanting to look hot was more to do with confidence and dignity for me. AIBU or am I a crap girlfriend? Boyfriend wasn't supposed to see the list as it was very personal to me.

AyeAmarok Fri 01-Jul-16 17:38:07


Shit he saw it though, I'd probably feel the same as him. But on the other hand I also enjoy feeling like I look good when I bump into exes (especially when they look shit).

Hypocrisy, I know!


shutupandshop Fri 01-Jul-16 17:38:56

Perfectly normal. He shouldn't have read it.

dudsville Fri 01-Jul-16 17:38:59

I can see how , if he's feeling insecure, he might misconstrue your intention but I understand what you mean and I think it's pretty common to want to be seen in the best light - good luck with your weight loss mission!

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:40:02

Thanks guys. I don't know what to do now sad

dailymaillazyjournos Fri 01-Jul-16 17:40:45

YANBU. I know I should not give a toss how I look if I happen to bump into ex vile husband, but I do. I want to show that I'm doing ok and looking good, despite his best efforts to turn my life into a living hell. Part of it is spite too. Not attractive traits, but you feel how you feel. And I want him to look shit!

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:42:45

So I'm acting pretty normal?

What should I do with BF? sad I have a feeling he'll give me the silent treatment for hours, perhaps even days now.

Goingtobeawesome Fri 01-Jul-16 17:43:29

He is in the wrong for ignoring your request. I suspect he'll turn it back on you. Don't let him.

Perfectly normal to want your ex to still think you're hot.

mrsfuzzy Fri 01-Jul-16 17:43:48

forget the ex, look good for yourself, current squeeze is right to be miffed but at the end of the day, it's your business, 'quick shag' ? erugh.

Kittencatkins123 Fri 01-Jul-16 17:43:53

It was one of the reasons not the only reason!
And it's a totally normal reason!
Born out of revenge not desire to get back with crappy exes.

Could you burn off some calories with him? wink

Good luck! I want to lose weight too!

Goingtobeawesome Fri 01-Jul-16 17:44:22

Chuck him.

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:44:49

mrsfuzzy if he is right 'to be miffed', what should I expect to happen? If you were him what would you do?

dudsville Fri 01-Jul-16 17:45:22

He took your private note even when you asked him not to and then he went away and sulked. You're only 4 months in. If it were me I'd make sure he knew sulking was for kids and being jealous about this was unnecessary as it's a common enough thing to want. I'd give this one time to air out and see what you make of his behaviour.

FeckinCrutches Fri 01-Jul-16 17:45:28

He shouldn't have read it, but I'd be gutted if my partner had wrote it.

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:46:25

FeckinCrutches what would you do with your guttedness?

mrsfuzzy Fri 01-Jul-16 17:47:29

if he gives you the cold shoulder, he doesn't sound a great loss tbh, if he treats your aims to lose weight with distain, you deserve better, ex probably doesn't give a shite how you look, he's moving on, do it for yourself, be happy and find someone worth while who deserves a sexy lady like yourself, extra weight or not.

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:48:57

What would be the normal reaction for him in this scenario?

Dumping me?
Silent treatment?
Using it against me for weeks?

What would you guys do if you were him? I'm trying to figure out what to expect here.

mrsfuzzy Fri 01-Jul-16 17:49:32

geordie i would hate to think that my fella was trying to look hot for his ex, that's a bit of a bitch imo.

Justaskingnottelling Fri 01-Jul-16 17:50:23

YANBU. It's only natural to want to look good in front of exes for reasons of self esteem.

I don't like the sound of the silent treatment though. Especially for days. He should be able to talk it through with you, if he's upset, not shun you. It sounds a bit controlling.

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:50:44

mrsfuzzy so would you dump? What would you do?

mrsfuzzy Fri 01-Jul-16 17:51:09

geordie what do YOU want ? this guy disrespects your privacy for a start. get rid off.

SaveSomeSpendSome Fri 01-Jul-16 17:51:10

Its very common to want to look your best when you see an ex.

Years ago i was seeing a guy who i hadnt seen for a while previously and he kept mentioning how fat i had got since he last knew me and one thing he said which really stuck to me was..

"You look exactly the same in the face as i remembered you but you aint half put on a hell of alot of weight!"

I never saw him a week or so after that comment.

A year later i saw him in his car at traffic lights and he had put on a load of weight!!!!

Well there was i 3 stone lighter with nice hair and make up. He didnt see me but it felt bloody good!

mrsfuzzy Fri 01-Jul-16 17:53:04

yes, geordie i'd dump him for the reasons i wrote previously. you are worth more than having to look a certain way for men or anyone else for that matter.

GeordieBadgers Fri 01-Jul-16 17:55:03

Mrsfuzzy I meant if you were HIM would you dump me?

branofthemist Fri 01-Jul-16 17:55:56

I never worry about looking good if I see an ex. But when I have seen an ex and looking good, it does make me feel better. It's daft. But that's life.

Personally if I were you I would text him and explain you don't care about your ex it's a self esteem issue. But that's only if this is a decent relationship.

Which I suspect it's not.

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