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To feel really angry at my MIL and want to avoid her at all costs

(142 Posts)
Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 13:53:28

Hi everyone.

I'm just feeling very alone right now and have just had enough.

I just can't deal with my MIL and I never want to see her again! There, I've said it.

My DH knows but obvs he adores her cos she's his Mum and my LO adores her too. They see her when I'm at work. She makes a point of only seeing them when I'm at work.

For the past few years she's been the most hurtful MIL to me. She was alright with me before I married her son. Then she revealed her true colours. Annoyingly I'm the only person who's seen them. My DH always takes her side and says I'm over sensitive and she gets like a house on fire with her other DILs, except me. So everyone thinks I'm the one with the problem. But am I? AIBU?

I've tried being nice. Waste of time.

Am now going to vent even more.

When we first got married she'd come on most of our holidays with us. She'd ensure my DH would be out with her on a Sun...I was invited but she knew I couldn't as I had to work that day. I'd often spend that day alone.

Then she turned extra weird after our LO was born. Basically forced me into BF. Wouldn't give LO some top up formula when I was taking a desperate nap. Then made constant digs. Comparing me to all the other new mums we knew. Showering them all with praise but has never once, in many years, had anything positive to say about me as a Mum.

Then she'll never see my LO and I on our day off. Mostly because I've moaned to my DH that she let's FIL smoke and drink to excess in house and she should encourage him to get help. She enables him. Then we had a massive row a few years ago. My late Dad was v ill and needed lots of help and my Mum was getting v ill also and only I could help them. So she told me we'd be leaving him in a care home 'to die' if we put him in one. I've never ever forgiven her. My is now terminally ill and she rarely asks how she is. When we said we may have to move in with her as she needs care her response 'that's a v bad idea as she's a very rude person'....i'd only just lost my Dad and we had a stand up row over it. Since then we barely speak unless we have to. We are civil but I find it difficult to be around her.

Then I worry she's turned family against us. My BILs rarely see us. They never remember my bday...I'll cook a meal at ours and hold dinner parties for them and don't even get a bday wish on my bday. Maybe I'm being silly. dh thinks so.

Final straw came when mil went on about sil who recently joined our family being so 'slim and beautiful' on her wedding day. Sure barely mentioned how I looked on my wedding day...though i am fat so i suppose she thinks I looked appalling and I probably did. I'm the only fat one in the family. Her and her mum love to go on about how my SILs are 'so nice and slim'.

She rarely offers to babysit or help with my Mum. I just feel she is selfish.

Now on Sun I have to go to BILs bday bash. Make food for it. I've gotten gifts etc. dh asked me too. I feel v upset. Don't want to go. None of Dh brothers and sils even sent me a card. And not 1st time. Fed up. They all dislike me. Never see me. Fed up. They're all team mil. I can't stand her.

SouperSal Fri 01-Jul-16 13:56:08

Don't go then!

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 13:57:05

If only that was an option...dh says i have to

Therealloislane Fri 01-Jul-16 14:01:17

He says you have to?

No you don't. You don't have to do anything.

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 14:04:03

Believe me I do. Or im sure he'll think I'm am absolute b** and leave me.

SouperSal Fri 01-Jul-16 14:04:59

Then you have much bigger problems than your MIL!

hellsbellsmelons Fri 01-Jul-16 14:06:16

dh says i have to
So what?
If DH told you to jump off of a cliff, would you?
If so, you have some serious issues with your relationship.
If YOU don't want to go then don't go.
It really is that simple.

'DH, I don't want to go to BIL birthday bash and that is that. You can take DC with you or leave with me, that is totally up to you, but I won't be coming with you!'
End of conversation!!!

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 01-Jul-16 14:06:33

She rarely offers to babysit or help with my Mum. I just feel she is selfish.
This cannot be real. Nobody is this deluded.

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 14:07:47

Am I deluded or her?

Balanced12 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:07:49

Your not a puppet, if he wishes to leave you over it then let him. You can not let anyone dictate what you can and can not do !

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 14:11:15

Well Im trying to get out of it. Feign illness or whatever. He won't be able to go then though.

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 14:11:45

And it will make me look like a mega b

Fedupd0tcom Fri 01-Jul-16 14:12:08

Though maybe i am

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 01-Jul-16 14:12:24

Message deleted by MNHQ for troll hunting. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 01-Jul-16 14:12:47

Why won't he be able to go if you don't?
He's a grown up and can make his own way there... surely????

RaptorInaPorkPieHat Fri 01-Jul-16 14:13:45

If you really have to go and 'make food', make one of those laxative chocolate cakes wink

Seriously, don't go. Go and see your mum instead.

Life's too short to put up with this shit.

BabyDubsEverywhere Fri 01-Jul-16 14:13:46

I think I'm on team MIL too... in the kindest way, you do sound over sensitive.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 01-Jul-16 14:13:56

I think PP means that your MIL does NOT have to babysit.
It's not something that should be expected.
And she certainly doesn't have to help with your DM.
What would you want her to do to help with that?

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 01-Jul-16 14:14:10

Message deleted by MNHQ for troll hunting. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WannaBe Fri 01-Jul-16 14:14:14

TBH you sound over sensitive.

You were working on Sunday's so she used to go out with your DH. Why is that so wrong?

She wouldn't give your baby formula while you were asleep? I can just imagine the thread if a woman who was breastfeeding posted that her mil had given the baby a bottle while she was asleep.

And I'm not sure why she should be expected to help with your mum? Or even babysit for that matter - especially when it seems the woman can't do right for doing wrong.

Sorry but I think your DH is right.

sue51 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:14:50

Why would she help you with your mother?

Gwenci Fri 01-Jul-16 14:17:01

This doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

You say you hate her and don't want to see her, yet half your post is bemoaning the fact that she doesn't spend time with you. hmm

AThousandTears Fri 01-Jul-16 14:18:33

How can she force you to breastfeed??
What is wrong with saying her DIL is nice and slim on her wedding day?

You sound paranoid.

JessicaRabbit3 Fri 01-Jul-16 14:19:01

Why would she help with your poor mum? That comment I find odd. Is it a clash of personalities? I would distance myself from her and make your excuse not to attend the BIL birthday. Sounds like your both quite big characters.

emotionsecho Fri 01-Jul-16 14:19:36

Could you just clarify a couple of things OP:

She'd ensure my DH would be out with her on a Sun...I was invited but she knew I couldn't as I had to work that day. I'd often spend that day alone. How could you spend a day alone if you had to work?

She rarely offers to babysit or help with my Mum. I just feel she is selfish.
Did you mean that you want her to help care for your Mum or would like her to babysit so you can care for your Mum?

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