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AIBU- she passed my newborn to a stranger

(101 Posts)
mummylove2monsters Fri 01-Jul-16 13:08:35

I recently dropped my dd at a party - the host asked for a cuddle with my new baby - I handed baby to her - went to kiss my dd goodbye ( she was a cross the garden with her friends ) , when I turned round there was a little crowd around baby ( ok that happens babies are lovely ) but the host had handed my baby to a complete stranger - I went hot inside ! I feel like people should ask before holding your baby and as I'm not even close with the host - it wasn't her place to hand my baby over to anyone anyway !!! Aibu ? XXXX

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 01-Jul-16 13:12:15

A tad excessive reaction perhaps

Friolero Fri 01-Jul-16 13:12:21

I think you're overreacting a bit, what did you think would happen to your baby? Maybe next time don't hand the baby to anyone else in the first place, or if you do stay there so you can intervene if they try to pass the baby on. I really wouldn't get that worked up about it though.

NotSoFancyHanky Fri 01-Jul-16 13:13:07

I think it's just part and parcel of having a newborn.
Everyone wants a cuddle.
Still secretly annoys me though especially when baby comes back smelling of perfume or even worse smoke.

branofthemist Fri 01-Jul-16 13:13:25

I think you are over reacting. The woman who handed the baby over knew the person.

What do you think your baby was In Danger from?

LadyAntonella Fri 01-Jul-16 13:13:58

Yabu but I understand it. It wasn't a total stranger was it? I thought from your title you maybe meant someone completely random in the street. She must have known the person or am I misunderstanding?

dylsmimi Fri 01-Jul-16 13:16:06

Also if she was the host of the party she probably had a million and one things to do/people to see etc and perhaps thought it easier and safer to hand the baby to one of her friends where you could still see it rather than taking the baby with her to do her jobs

Willow33 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:22:04

Yanbu . It was somebody you didn't know - I wouldn't like it either. It is totally instinctive to be very protective over your newborn.

mummylove2monsters Fri 01-Jul-16 13:22:42

She knew the person but I didn't .
Notsofancyhanky - I also hate it when my baby is handed back smelling of perfume or smoke ! My mil does it all the time 😡
Personally if someone passed me the baby I wouldn't dream of passing it on - I'd hand baby back to the mum of course she wasn't going to hurt her and I know everyone loves a cuddle but it just really bothered me - perhaps it's new baby hormones but I can't bare people I don't know reaching into the pram or touching her either lol ( had this in the street recently - a lady peered in while I was loading the car , she reached in and stroked her face ) . I can't help it - I feel like a tiger !!

mummylove2monsters Fri 01-Jul-16 13:24:05

She didn't go off to do anything she was still there plus I was only across the garden for all of 30seconds

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland Fri 01-Jul-16 13:27:29

It's an instinctive protective feeling, much as an animal would have. However, humans are able to rationalise a bit more, and it's up to you to decide if you're happy or not.

I actually 'lent' my babies out for cuddles at a care home, and at a college where the childcare students could practice holding babies. It didn't bother me but I know other parents might feel differently.

GloriousSlug Fri 01-Jul-16 13:29:04

YABU and very precious hmm

CinderellaFant Fri 01-Jul-16 13:30:04

She knew the person- she was part of the party! it's not like you were walking down the road and she handed it to a ransomed walking past!

CointreauVersial Fri 01-Jul-16 13:30:55

I wouldn't like it....even though I would have recognised that there was no real danger. Just a protective mother feeling.

ineedwine99 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:31:28

I agree with you OP, i wouldn't have been really comfortable with the host holding baby if you don't know them that well let alone a stranger.
I'm also with you on the leaning in/stroking. I wouldn't dream of doing that to someone's baby

SloppyDailyMailJournalism Fri 01-Jul-16 13:31:32

YABU and very, very precious - but my God, I could have ripped the head off anyone taking one of my newborns like that! Animal reaction, like someone says upthread - just try not to actually rip anyone's head off flowers

namechangingagainagain Fri 01-Jul-16 13:31:47

I think you are over-reacting a bit but have been there. One fucking muppet gave my week old baby to a stranger with a massive cold sore to kiss and cuddle. Luckily with no ill effects but I cried a lot that day!

P.s. are you sure you're brave enough for AIBU..... I wasn't with a new born!

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:34:05

I would hate that too. I remember at DD birthday party when DD was Afew weeks old I gave DD to MIL to hold while inwentto the loo, came back and bloody SIL had hold of her so she stank of SIL perfume grrrr!!

AlwaysDancing1234 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:34:30

Sorry for typos!

squiggleirl Fri 01-Jul-16 13:34:36

Complete over-reaction on your part.

Why were you uncomfortable with her touching your baby whilst you were within view, but perfectly okay to leave your other child in her presence without you there? Was she that much of a monster? What if she stayed at the party, and ruffled her hair as she ran past, or who knows, even consoled her if she fell and hurt herself? The horror!

rosiecam Fri 01-Jul-16 13:39:40

YANBU if you did not create a scene.

YANBU to have whatever feelings you have. They come up regardless of what we think or believe. We can't control our feelings, only whether/how we act on them.

I would feel extremely anxious in that situation, but I would try to smile and forget it because rationally I would know there was (probably) no danger especially if the other person was likely to be a parent (due to presence at a kids' party). But some non-parents don't know how to hold a newborn. And if I was in the host's position I would never pass the baby to somebody else without asking the parent.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jul-16 13:46:56

I think a lot of mothers have that instinctive rush of protective feelings over their newborn, I don't think that's an unreasonable feeling, I think it's part of the protective instinct that you get as part of giving birth. As a species, we wouldn't have lasted all that long if mothers didn't have that, would we? grin

That said, pass the parcel with a baby is a fairly common thing, they are very squishable grin and since another maternal emotion is pride you also get lots of mums who are more than happy to have everyone grab a cuddle, so it's sort of instinct, emotion, hormones, personality... basically stop the presses different people have different feelings about it shock grin If you aren't comfortable with it then people shouldn't do it. And you shouldn't be called names for not feeling happy about it.

PinkyPlumet Fri 01-Jul-16 13:47:12

There seem to be lots of these threads recently confused

mummylove2monsters Fri 01-Jul-16 13:50:25

Thanks all X
Squiggleirl I didn't leave the baby with the host out of sight I just walked a few yards to kiss my dd goodbye as was only dropping her off ( she is 9 ) .
I didn't make a scene I just felt really anxious and annoyed because I wasn't asked and had never met the woman who baby was handed to , we hadn't even been introduced , I just turned round to her holding her .

Scribblegirl Fri 01-Jul-16 13:51:32

I think the general consensus is that it's a perfectly natural reaction but not hugely socially acceptable wink

like how I trust my DP but I get the rage when a beautiful woman starts talking to him

I think the answer (like with my jealousy woes!) is to recognise that it's valid, assess any practical concerns (e.g. woman she passed baby to was smoking 5 mins ago etc) and, if no practical reason to get upset, kick a tree and plaster a smile on grin

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