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AIBU to hate the "name and shame" brigade?

(35 Posts)
MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Fri 01-Jul-16 12:51:12

So I have just seen a post on FB made by some guy who witnessed a woman hit her child in public. He took 3 photos of her and posted them in order to "name and shame" her.

Now I don't condone hitting children (she slapped him across the face), BUT, it could have been breaking point for this woman. She could be depressed and needs help rather than the whole country demonising her and rubbing her face in the mud. AIBU to hate this "name and shame" culture on social media. Surely a much kinder way of him dealing with this if he really felt the need to, would have been to show the photos to social services who would have been able to offer her support rather than plaster her face all over social media? Then at least hers and her child's identity would be safe from the public?

Am I just being a huge do gooder?

katienana Fri 01-Jul-16 12:52:36

No I think it's really inappropriate to put that on social media. Attention seek8ng on the part of the poster.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Fri 01-Jul-16 12:54:39

Exactly. He was getting loads of praise and I think he posted it just to boost his ego. I think he just looks like a huge busy body.

tootyflooty Fri 01-Jul-16 13:02:14

I would feel uneasy witnessing something like that, but I would be concerned, as if you behave like that in a public place what do you do behind closed doors!, naming and shaming is not helpful, a call and maybe send photos to social services would be the better course of action.

LadyAntonella Fri 01-Jul-16 13:05:39

Totally agree with tooty.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Fri 01-Jul-16 13:08:22

I agree OP. I've been on the receiving end of the 'name and shame' brigade online, for something I hadn't even bloody done, and my life was made a misery. Nobody thought to actually speak to me about it, or get my side of the story, instead they just plastered their version of the truth gung ho all over the internet.

He was definitely after praise, doing something like that. Bloody idiot.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Fri 01-Jul-16 13:08:41

Yes tooty I agree regarding contacting social services instead. I wouldn't like to witness it either, but naming and shaming on Facebook is just a bit attention seeking and icky. What would he have done before social media even existed?

rumbelina Fri 01-Jul-16 13:10:37

Very foolish, totally putting that woman at risk which is no help to her child.

NeedsAsockamnesty Fri 01-Jul-16 13:11:05

Stuff like that is always about the poster and never about a desire to help someone vulnerable

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Fri 01-Jul-16 13:11:39

Beauty Sorry you had to go through that. sad
I can be potentially very damaging!

RudeElf Fri 01-Jul-16 13:12:27

Hes an ass!! Of course he should have gone through SS if he was concerned. But no, in the age of "likes" he has to post it on social media so everyone knows what a decent guy he is (because obviously taking a photo is one step down from being a saint hmm)

allegretto Fri 01-Jul-16 13:15:43

It's basically vigilantism, isn't it? If you film something illegal, take it to the police. If it's not that serious then mind your own business! I also hate it when people take a picture and post it and then give themselves a pat on the back. It is far better to intervene at the time (where appropriate) but people seem to have lost the ability to talk to strangers in a civil manner.

Fratelli Fri 01-Jul-16 13:23:43

Yanbu op. If any normal person witnessed something which genuinely concerned them, their reaction would not be to take photos and put them on the internet.
I definitely don't agree with hitting childreb but we have no idea of their circumstances or what she had been through that day. It's not an excuse but she may have needed help and the poster is potentially pushing that help further away.

PinkyofPie Fri 01-Jul-16 13:25:19

YANBU, it like those ones where they're made up i to a meme with "this man beat his child to a pulp, share so people will know this monster's face".

Now on my friends list (What I thought were) intelligent people are sharing these. How do they know it's even true?! And even if it was, what do they want people to do with that information? Beat him up if they see him in the street?! Idiots

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Fri 01-Jul-16 13:32:09

Me, it was horrible - I received so much harassment I had to go to the police. It's made me very wary. It's just so EASY for online keyboard warriors to get all brave and rip someone apart online, in a way they wouldn't dare to in real life!

I don't condone that woman slapping her child round the face, but like a PP said, we just don't know what was going on in her life at that second.

Pinky, that reminds me of memes you see online about missing people, particularly women - a staggering number of them are created by abusive ex partners, who claim their partner has disappeared and they're concerned. People then start sharing it around, quite innocently, to track the 'missing person' down, and all it's doing is enabling the abuser to find them and continue harassing them. It's chilling.

DixieNormas Fri 01-Jul-16 13:46:05

I ever trust them, how do you ever know if it's true or someone holding a grudge.

A missing child one was going around Fb recently, going on the persons open Fb it was clear that the child was with the other parent somewhere. There could be perfectly valid reasons why the parent doesn't know where the child is

DixieNormas Fri 01-Jul-16 13:46:26

never trust*

emilythomson313 Fri 01-Jul-16 13:57:50

people should just mind their own business, if they don't know what its all about, they can always misinterpret the whole situation so you shouldn't judge unless you are well informed

Flashbangandgone Fri 01-Jul-16 14:14:30

If it's not serious, they should mind their business....
If it is serious, they should inform the appropriate authorities

There should be no 'post it on Facebook to shame them' middle ground. All it is is creepy voyeurism (porn even) made all the worse in this case because there's a child involved being filmed. Unacceptable.

BillSykesDog Fri 01-Jul-16 14:21:09

Firstly, as others have said it may not be true and may be someone holding a grudge.

Secondly, it should be dealt wi

BillSykesDog Fri 01-Jul-16 14:27:43

Argh! Pressed to soon!

Secondly, it should be dealt with through the proper authorities. Children in cases like this are entitled to anonimity and this man has totally ignored that and will have outed the children concerned publicly too.

But as an aside, what is going on with Mumsnet regarding hitting kids at the moment? This is the second thread I've seen in a couple of days where mothers slapping or hitting children has been justified and blamed on the children and the mothers excused as being pushed to far or at breaking point, and apparently loads of mothers do it so its all okay.

Given this is a forum where the threshold for abuse of adult women is apparently a bicker about beetroot I can't understand why physical violence against children is apparently acceptable.

MeAndMy3LovelyBoys Fri 01-Jul-16 14:45:57

Bill I'm not justifying or condoning what the woman did to her child. Definitely not.
I just mentioned that she might be at breaking point because people should think before they post stuff like this on social media. It could do more harm than good.

Jeremysfavouriteaunt Fri 01-Jul-16 14:50:50

The animal abuse ones have been quite successful though in tracing the perpetrators, I am not sure that much would have been done had a single email been sent with photo to the RSPCA or police. I think that they can be useful.

Not sure about 'minding our own business', I am never one for that where vulnerable children/people/animals are involved.

I think for children it should be done differently and through the correct channels though I agree.

BillSykesDog Fri 01-Jul-16 15:11:10

Animals don't need anonimity though do they? They won't get picked on at school or grow up being aware there is a permanent reminder of abuse plastered across the net will they?

Plus it never actually shows the supposed abuse so there's never any way of knowing if it's true or just a grudge.

OP, it is totally justifying it, rationalising it, trying to minimise it. Making excuses, saying maybe she was at breaking point, having her buttons pushed, having a bad day, it's nobody else's business, a family matter, etc, etc. All of these arguments used to be used to excuse DV towards women and have been roundly rejected. Yet somehow it's apparently okay to trot them out to excuse child abuse. It's fucking depressing.

Jeremysfavouriteaunt Fri 01-Jul-16 16:41:06

Hence I said
I think for children it should be done differently and through the correct channels though I agree

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