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How am I going to hold my tongue...

(76 Posts)
Hereforthebeer Thu 30-Jun-16 22:57:09

PIL are down next weekend. Both went to boarding school, are very traditionalist, have lived very sheltered lives, and IMO have an inflated opinion of Britain, the relevance for Britain globally.
Before BREXIT my MIL ask me what i was voting as she said 'its not going to affect me so i'll just vote what you are'. I said, my DH (her son) would almost certainly lose his job if BREXIT happened and so will many people we know so she said 'ok i'll vote remain'. End of conversation.
She ended up voting Leave (BIL told me). My DH hasn't really stopped working since the announcement and his job is likely to go in the next few months. She phoned to speak to him and I said he was working. She said 'well we think its all for the best and it will all be alright in the end', I said 'when is the end?' Then i stopped myself (and so did she) and we changed the subject.
How am I going to have them here for the whole weekend, its so raw, without it coming up and without me burning any bridges. I really, really don't want to offend them, but i really really can't have a conversation with them about it. MIL said to BIL that she knew it would really affect us, but she voted to leave despite that. i know people have different reasons why they voted leave but she racist and i think that was the main motivation

janethegirl2 Thu 30-Jun-16 22:58:51

Sorry for you, but I find its never good to discuss politics with family members.

WorraLiberty Thu 30-Jun-16 23:01:57

It's nowt to do with you/her or anyone else what any of you voted for or why.

Therefore I'd refuse to discuss it and change the subject every time.

myownprivateidaho Thu 30-Jun-16 23:05:06

How can this be the first time you've encountered someone with different political views to you? Just don't talk politics if the difference of opinion upsets you.

phoolani Thu 30-Jun-16 23:11:42

If she doesn't bring it up, it'll be a breeze - just keep your mouth shut. I only say that because I have a weekend coming up with my parents who will do nothing but bring it up constantly (as they have been doing already over the phone) and who will crow about 'winning' and me losing. Dh has already said he's not going - and after a casual 'oh, the jocks can bugger off anyway, who wants them' from df I don't blame him. Dh is Scottish. I don't honestly know if I can go, either. Differing political views is one thing, but constant goading is another.if she keeps it shut you should be able to as well. Hopefully!

whois Thu 30-Jun-16 23:21:40

How can this be the first time you've encountered someone with different political views to you?

It's a bit different when your own mother has voted unanimously way that directly impacts your job security and livelihood tho.

whois Thu 30-Jun-16 23:21:48

In a way

Kummerspeck Thu 30-Jun-16 23:26:37

This is why you should never discuss politics with family. She is every bit as entitled to her decision as you are to yours so just don't talk about it

Brexit Thu 30-Jun-16 23:30:02

Haven't we already done this?

user1467101855 Thu 30-Jun-16 23:30:51

Bit naive. His own mother voted for him to lose his job,essentially, even though she knew that would be the impact of such a vote.
Easy for the rest of you to say its noones business, but if it was your job and your ma, you'd be singing a different tune.

hotdiggedy Thu 30-Jun-16 23:31:39

Hang on. She told the op she would vote however the op voted then did the total opposite despite the fact that her own sons job is now going. Why should the op just be quiet ad respect the opinion of her mother in law? Would be different (maybe) if the Ops views on the vote hadn't been asked for.

Brexit Thu 30-Jun-16 23:31:40

Interested to know what job he hasn't stopped doing since the vote but will cease when Brexit happens.

JudyCoolibar Thu 30-Jun-16 23:35:16

How is it nowt to do with OP when her MiL very expressly made it to do with her?

Brexit, you're being incredibly naive if you can't think of a job which still exists a week after the vote but will cease at or before the date we leave the EU. You do know, don't you, that it takes businesses a little time to sort out moving out of anywhere?

CodewordRochambeau Thu 30-Jun-16 23:35:55

How can this be the first time you've encountered someone with different political views to you? Just don't talk politics if the difference of opinion upsets you.

I'm 33, and the last week has been the first time in my adult life that I've experienced such a starkly polar political divide. Politics isn't usually binary in the way that this referendum has been; it's much more nuanced than that. I hold different political views to other family members and vote differently to them but we've always been able to have amicable dinner table conversations about it. This is different, and I don't think mine is the only family to feel it.

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 23:42:11

I find it surprising that people think you shouldn't discuss politics with family. Even if there are big differences of opinion, surely this is one if the most important and meaningful discussions you can have with those closest to you? Most of my family voted remain (thank goodness), but not all did. I would never dream of avoiding what is possibly the most important topic in our lives right now. I would rather strongly disagree with a relative and have a heated debate with them, than to not know them well enough to understand their personal politics and world view.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Thu 30-Jun-16 23:43:14

How can this be the first time you've encountered someone with different political views to you? Just don't talk politics if the difference of opinion upsets you.

This is why you should never discuss politics with family. She is every bit as entitled to her decision as you are to yours so just don't talk about it

It's only that simple if the other person also politely dodges the subject, or picks up on your cues about changing the subject.

If they don't, then it's going to be very hard

and in the case here, the MIL has said that it's not going to affect her either way (in her opinion) so she might not be understanding about why it's a sensitive subject best avoided for other people

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected Thu 30-Jun-16 23:46:26

I would rather strongly disagree with a relative and have a heated debate with them, than to not know them well enough to understand their personal politics and world view.

Yeah, but I have a relative like that, who figures she knows me well enough to want to debate politics with me, but clearly doesn't know me well enough to get that I really don't enjoy discussing politics with her.

What she consideres "having a good debate" (she loves a "good debate" hmm ) I just think of as low level arguing and it leaves me drained

BerylStreep Thu 30-Jun-16 23:47:25

Your MIL's vote was as valid as yours. She didn't single-handedly swing the vote.

And yes, there are lots of reasons to have voted leave, which have nothing to do with racism.

LauderSyme Thu 30-Jun-16 23:48:25

Could you tell them what you've told us? Or some of what you've told us at least?

This could work, "I really, really don't want to offend you, but I really really can't have a conversation with you about it. You knew it would really affect us, but you voted to leave despite that. It's too raw".

Alternatively torch the sodding bridges and confront MIL with her racist stupidity

LauderSyme Thu 30-Jun-16 23:52:17

Just so we're clear, I didn't call MIL a racist cos she voted Brexit, I called her a racist cos the OP says she is.

OutsiderInTheGarden Thu 30-Jun-16 23:54:41

Adulting I guess I am really lucky, because I know that almost everyone in my family does love having a good politucal argument debate. Apart from my elder brother, but everyone pretty much knows that, so nobody drags him into it.

isindecherryblossom Thu 30-Jun-16 23:57:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudyCoolibar Fri 01-Jul-16 00:10:43

Your MIL's vote was as valid as yours. She didn't single-handedly swing the vote

That's an incredibly specious argument. Every single person who voted Leave swung the vote.

mountaintoclimb Fri 01-Jul-16 00:26:12

Just say very firmly at the outset that you've had enough of referendum talk and it's going to be a referendum discussion free weekend.

BerylStreep Fri 01-Jul-16 00:30:07

Exactly Judy - as I say, she didn't single-handedly swing it.

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