Don't know whether to pull out of houseshare?

(39 Posts)
MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:22:09

Have posted on this already but still deliberating. Essentially future housemate (who I know and like but have never lived with) has said she would like her dp to stay about 3 nights a week at our place, but not possible for her to stay at his. I don't know whether to just suck this up. Plus side is she seems nice, down side is I didn't sign up to have couple in kitchen and communal spaces... Plus where do you draw the line?

jellyrolly Thu 30-Jun-16 20:24:52

I think if it was me it would depend on the partner. I've had flat mates with lovely boyfriends and others who were awful. Nothing is forever though.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 30-Jun-16 20:26:44

Would she pay a bigger portion of the bills?

Would he be there when she wasn't?

GloGirl Thu 30-Jun-16 20:27:11

Is she wanting to pay more ?

shinynewusername Thu 30-Jun-16 20:27:18

Assume you are renting, not buying? So can't you just try it for a few months & see how it goes? So much depends on what the DP is like and what they are like as a couple - if they are out all the time when he is around, it might work out well for you. OTOH, if they are snogging on the sofa every evening, three will be a crowd very soon.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:28:27

Just renting, yeah. Nothing been said about extra rent or bills.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:29:32

Afaik it's just sleeping over as he works long hours. She seems really nice and I'm sure he will be, just want it to work for us all

ninenicknames Thu 30-Jun-16 20:29:36

Nope!!! Doesn't work

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:31:12

It's a group of us btw, not just two of us if that makes a difference

Beeziekn33ze Thu 30-Jun-16 20:33:40

OP - being a group does make a difference. How big is the house? How do the others feel? Have they met her Dp?

Crunchymum Thu 30-Jun-16 20:34:39

What was wrong with the other thread?

How are the bills being split? You need to ask that ASAP.

If it's 50/50 then you need to negotiate or have a rethink.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:35:08

No, no one has met her DP, others seem chilled, there are 3 others. I'm chilled too but wary smile

GonnaDoItAnyway Thu 30-Jun-16 20:35:21

It really doesn't work....

It's uncomfortable and isolating. That's without the added bills of another person for nearly 50% of the time. Inside jokes, taking over communal rooms, arguments, make ups, thin walls....

Been there, done that, got caught up in the middle, got the t-shirt and fecked the hell outta their relationship.

shinynewusername Thu 30-Jun-16 20:36:13

A group makes it easier as you won't be the gooseberry. But all of you need to agree ground rules before you move in. If the bf is there half the week, he should make some contribution to bills, even if not the actual rent - whatever you agree must be something you all feel is fair or there will always be resentment.

livinginabox Thu 30-Jun-16 20:36:16

Having house shared for years I would say it come tent normal to have partners stay over regularly and I would have a problem with it.

MovingInOutOn Thu 30-Jun-16 20:36:36

Nothing said about bills as no firm sleepover arrangement made yet... To be fair I will be having guests too, but mainly mutual friends or siblings every now and then to stay over...

livinginabox Thu 30-Jun-16 20:36:51

Having house shared for years I would say it come tent normal to have partners stay over regularly and I would have a problem with it.

GonnaDoItAnyway Thu 30-Jun-16 20:37:19

X-post with op update.

Being a group share does make a difference.

witsender Thu 30-Jun-16 20:38:34

There is a big difference between the odd, as and then stay over and this proposal of 3 nights a week, from here on in. I wouldn't like it.

Crunchymum Thu 30-Jun-16 20:40:05

Oh right I didn't read the other thread

Well them you need to decide if another person is that big a deal? I mean 3 is a crowd when you share with one other person but if you share with a 'group' then I imagine one extra person isn't that bad in terms of your personal space and privacy.

It's hard to know if the person with the bf should pay more? If the bf doesn't shower there or cook etc then it's not as if he is using the utilities?

Marmalade85 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:43:53

It will begin as 3 nights and end up with 'oh he may as well move in since he is here all the time anyway'

EsmeraldaEllaBella Thu 30-Jun-16 20:44:18

I think it's inevitable in a house share. If it's not her doing it it could be you having a partner to stay, or the others bringing partners over. It's just what happens

jay55 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:45:22

How many bathrooms?
An extra person showering in the morning can be a major pain when you're in a rush.

FinallyHere Thu 30-Jun-16 20:45:57

OK, this would be a no for me. Especially as she isn't allowed to spend time at his place, so you won't get times she is away to compensate. Sharing a house with anyone is not easy, them being a couple will make everything more difficult.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Thu 30-Jun-16 20:51:12

When I was in houseshares it would have been normal for anyone in a relationship to have their partner over that frequently, it wouldn't have occurred to me that was a potential problem. A single flatmate could meet someone anytime and start inviting them over. I guess if it was that frequent I might ask to meet them first to check they weren't very annoying.

Saying that, if it does bother you then back out, whenever I've had a bad feeling about a flat share I've regretted moving in.

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