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To think it's normal for women to not get married or have children?

(70 Posts)
Owllady Thu 30-Jun-16 20:04:50

For whatever reason
Or
No reason at all!

I know loads of women, through choice or not who haven't had children or married, have had a career or haven't. Why do the media make such a deal out of it? angry

JenniferYellowHat1980 Thu 30-Jun-16 20:10:11

I don't think it's abnormal not to, but I can only think of two women I know who aren't either married / in a long-term relationship or have children. Obviously the latter isn't necessarily a matter of choice.

branofthemist Thu 30-Jun-16 20:12:23

I don't think it's wrong or abnormal not to have kids or get married.

That said. Most of the women I know are/have been married and have kids.

This is women I know through work and social settings related to my hobbies. I did do baby/toddler groups so it's not like most of my friends I met because I had a baby myself.

Fwiw as much as I love being married and having kids, I can totally get why it's not for everyone.

DraenorQueen Thu 30-Jun-16 20:12:32

I'm long term single and child free by choice. I've never considered myself abnormal and luckily I don't get too many stupid comments or pitying looks, as if I've failed to snare a man...
I do get sick of offensive articles about childless women, and in particular I loathe the comments that invariably accompany them.

Beeziekn33ze Thu 30-Jun-16 20:13:56

We all have choice, don't we? Each to her own.

SeaEagleFeather Thu 30-Jun-16 20:15:39

I think it's normal

come to realise that a helluva lot of cultures see a woman's worth being defined by the number of children she has though. Jeeze. Thank god for the more enlightened attitudes.

MLGs Thu 30-Jun-16 20:18:27

Normal is probably a fairly useless word. It's not abnormal but neither is having children/ being married.

MyBreadIsEggy Thu 30-Jun-16 20:19:15

It's becoming more normal nowadays in this country - choice is a great thing!!
My paternal grandmother was 26 when she married my grandad, and that was considered odd back then, like there was something wrong with her because she hadn't snapped up a man and had children! The way my Nan put it was "if you weren't married by 21 or 22, you were on the shelf" shock

Birdsgottafly Thu 30-Jun-16 20:30:48

If you mean usual, then it still isn't, most Women have children and/or live with a Partner, at some point.

So most people won't meet many Women who have chosen that lifestyle (some haven't had a choice).

I'm choosing to be single, at 48 (I have been for three years), people do struggle to understand why, as though I'm making some massively 'out there' choice.

SeaEagleFeather Thu 30-Jun-16 20:33:24

what pissed me off massively was the number of men who'd try to pick you up because you were single (even if they weren't).

Sometimes I wanted a bf just for a shield.

vichill Thu 30-Jun-16 20:43:40

i never understood single childlessness until i actually got married and had kids.

Nannawifeofbaldr Thu 30-Jun-16 20:45:28

I know the same number of single, childless men and women.

It's not that common among my circle but no one comments negatively.

BillSykesDog Thu 30-Jun-16 20:48:51

Yes it is totally normal. 1 in 5 women doesn't have children by 45 these days and that figure is higher amongst graduates and those who live in places like London. And those numbers are only going to rise.

I had children relatively late in life, and I have to say from my experience being childless that I think women with children are some of the worst offenders as far as as creating a feeling it is 'abnormal'. It really felt to me like some women made a concerted effort to exclude and ghettoise those without children.

HSMMaCM Thu 30-Jun-16 20:53:34

I've told my 16 yr old DD it's perfectly normal for a woman to be single, married, whatever. My sister thinks I'm crazy. She has plans for her children to marry and have children. DD can do whatever she likes, I just want her to be happy.

LadyAntonella Thu 30-Jun-16 20:54:42

Was about to say the same as nanna. It's not that usual for men to remain single and childless either. What media is banging on about it OP? There is definitely more pressure on women to 'settle down' earlier in life I think. I know a very accomplished (I don't mean in the Jane Austen way - she has a stellar career and some serious qualifications, travels a lot for work and pleasure, plus is an excellent sportswoman, has loads of friends and is generally pretty awesome), but her mother is forever calling her "poor X"! Poor X doesn't have a man you see or any children. It's infuriating to hear actually.

sorenofthejnaii Thu 30-Jun-16 21:03:45

DSis is like that. She seems very happy. My cousin is also like that. Their choice.

I have loads of male friends who are like that. I don't think anyone really cares.

ifonlystpancras Thu 30-Jun-16 21:09:21

Normal, yes. Usual, no.

Trills Thu 30-Jun-16 21:15:16

It's becoming more usual but there's a long way to go before it becomes so normal that nobody bothers to comment.

RortyCrankle Thu 30-Jun-16 21:16:31

I'm single and couldn't have children. Other than shortish relationships, I had 2 long term live-together ones but always had in the back of my mind tha the men would eventually leave and have children with future partners which proved to be correct.

I have to say that having read countless painful relationship threads on here over the years, I wouldn't swap my solitary life for all the money in the world.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 30-Jun-16 21:34:42

It's not as common, but there's nothing abnormal about it. It's not as if this planet is in dire need of more human beings, after all.

Owllady Thu 30-Jun-16 21:43:45

Tbh I was irritated 're the talk regarding Theresa may in the news, but also the obsession with certain females in the media not having yet had a baby (Jennifer A for e.g.)
And I'm not a Tory or a Jennifer lover
I'm just sick of women being judged on personality or dogged for not having children
I had my children young and have had the same partner for twenty two years
I don't look at other women and think they are any different to me. I totally get some women don't want or can't have children (my late sister had a chronic illness for example)
No one judges men in the same way sad it just really pisses me off

I have no hidden agenda, if that's what people think confused

Owllady Thu 30-Jun-16 21:46:10

And I'm really pissed off that women on here who are single and can't/don't want children have been treated like bloody meat by fucking men angry

Notcontent Thu 30-Jun-16 21:48:26

I work in a professional environment and I know lots of women who are not married or who don't have children despite being in their 30s or 40s. I think sometimes it's by choice and sometimes it's just life. I wanted to be independent but I also wanted to be married and have 3 or 4 children. It didn't work out that way (although I do have a lovely dd) and I am just grateful that I am not considered a freak!

Owllady Thu 30-Jun-16 21:55:05

I was a retail manager in a former life and lots of my full time female staff hadn't got children and never had them. I never thought anything of it!

mortgagefreesoon5 Thu 30-Jun-16 22:51:24

I think depending on which family backgrounds there are some expectations, specially for women. It doesn't meant we have to fulfill them though, I find that sometimes people/family make( hurtful/indiscreet) coments, some more subtly than others.
I like to think society is changing perceptions of how life should be like for someone else. In fact, we are all unique, with different experiences and different desires, diversity makes for a rich tapestry, isn't that the beauty of living?

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