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Thrown out of parenting FB group. WIBU?

(295 Posts)
FuckingVipers Thu 30-Jun-16 08:09:29

I attend a local baby activity with DD (think nursery rhymes and bouncing) and in an attempt to make some friends with babies the same age I joined the Facebook group some of them had set up. It all seemed fairly innocuous for a few weeks but now I've been shunned.

Yesterday one of the people from the group posted. She said her 12 week old DS had seemed a bit hungry so she'd given him a few spoonfuls of tinned tomatoes with pesto. Since then he'd been unsettled so basically she'd decided to fully wean him and wanted everyone's opinion.

I tried so hard not to hoik up my judgey pants but I couldn't help it. I calmly commented telling her why it was a bad idea and you know, tinned tomatoes and pesto aren't so good. I was calm.

Then the backlash! "Omg hun u know ur own baby! U know what's best!"

Everyone attacked me for not being supportive. It got pretty nasty. Not one person agreed with me and by the end the consensus was that every baby should pretty much be weaned before birth and possibly before conception if you think it's best.

I got thrown out of the group and sent a message telling me I shouldn't go back to the group. They're not the organisers, just people who attend. The group is this afternoon and I don't know if I should go.


MyBreadIsEggy Thu 30-Jun-16 08:11:32

You were not U in the slightest.
Unfortunately, you can't reason with stupid when the stupid is that deeply ingrained in people hmm

MollyTwo Thu 30-Jun-16 08:11:50

Yanbu but to be honest I wouldn't have said anything. It's her baby, so she can feed him whatever she wants.

branofthemist Thu 30-Jun-16 08:11:52

While I agree with your point I think ywbu to express it.

There is another parenting forum that i was part of 5 years ago. It was similar to this.

Personally I wouldn't go back. It's going to be shitty for you. Forget about them.

Suzietwo Thu 30-Jun-16 08:12:09

Do you want to?

dementedpixie Thu 30-Jun-16 08:13:01

Tomatoes and pesto would be very stupid things to give babies as both can be allergenic. I'd go to the group as long as there are others there that you can talk to

Minimalteserbunny Thu 30-Jun-16 08:13:14

Seriously? Why do you even want to spend time with these people?
I mean pesto and tinned tomatoes WTAF shock
That poor baby good for you for speaking up
If you like the group go, people are less confrontational in real life

AddictedtoGreys Thu 30-Jun-16 08:13:17

YANBU. She wanted everyone's opinion but got one she didn't like.

Cakescakescakes Thu 30-Jun-16 08:13:47

A mum I met at a baby group weaned her baby onto fruit pouches at 6 weeks old. She was on maternity leave but her job was looking after other people's young babies. Terrifying.

NeedsAsockamnesty Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:15

I would go and explain to who ever organises it that the group members tried to throw you out

Assuming it's a proper group

Wyldfyre Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:17

I'd go - fuck them. As you say they are not the organisers, they are trying to be the adult equivalent of the cool kids telling you you can't sit on the back seat of the bus!
And FWIW I agree with you that feeding that to a 12 week old is daft (I thought you were BU until I went back and checked the age)

FuckingVipers Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:21

DD enjoys it so I don't want her to lose out. I know I can recreate at home but she'll miss the socialising!

I know she can feed her DS whatever she wants but he's 12 weeks. Poor thing!

CaptainCrunch Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:50

Hmmm, you should have read the room and realised you were on a hiding to nothing with your opinion. Frankly if this is the way they behave when their views are challenged I'm not sure why you would want to hang around with them.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:51

Ha ha! You should NEVER offer your opinions on weaning or breastfeeding to a group of other new mothers. Rookie mistake! And really, I know it's not great, but the kid will probably make it to adulthood dispite a bit of pesto.

Maybe find a local group more in tune with your style of parenting?

Ilovenannyplum Thu 30-Jun-16 08:14:57

What kind of complete idiot feeds their 12 week old baby tomatoes and pesto??!

I think still go if you want too, if they aren't the organisers of the group how can they have any authority?

I am so shocked at that, I'd love to look inside some peoples strange minds confusedshock

Littleballerina Thu 30-Jun-16 08:15:46

I'd go back with my head held high.
Such idiots.

Whathaveilost Thu 30-Jun-16 08:16:37

What's the point of asking everyone's opinion and then getting upset when you get it? confused

I used to hate baby activity groups because the only thing I had in common with them as was that we all had given birth.

Your opinion wasn't wrong.
I would leave the FB and never go to the group again. You've lost nowt!

Sighing Thu 30-Jun-16 08:17:22

I'd stay clear. They're expressing a pack mentality. .. you'll be better off without.
Going forward you are better off 1. Without anyone referring to you in the catty 'hun' fashion and 2. Avoid all baby advice ever.
I was on a fbook baby group but left after some catty messages to me (still not sure why). Noone needs that shite.

Arfarfanarf Thu 30-Jun-16 08:17:49

Well of course you were right in your facts. Current guidance and understanding of infant feeding supports you.
But as you have found out - huns go NUTS if you break the 'ur bubba ur rulz hun' code. And to be fair - Nobody likes to feel theyve just been told off do they? I'm sure they felt you were being judgemental. I mean, you were, clearly, but backed by current guidelines and with good intentions.

Is everyone in the baby group in the fb group? If so there's little point attending the group because you'll be sat there in silence while they give you the death stare and whisper about you and make loud PA comments to each other

If there are people in the group not in the fb group then give it a go and see how you get on.

Cheby Thu 30-Jun-16 08:18:47

YANBU OP. In fact I'd probably be calling her HV. I'm fed up of hearing 'it's her baby, she can feed when she likes' when people are doing actively dangerous stuff and making their kids ill. If the HV doesn't think it's worth bothering with then that's where it will end. If she thinks it's a concern she'll have a word.

FuckingVipers Thu 30-Jun-16 08:20:33

I think I'll steer clear of the group today then. Can't be doing with the childish behaviour.

Whathaveilost Thu 30-Jun-16 08:21:04

DD enjoys it so I don't want her to lose out. I know I can recreate at home but she'll miss the socialising
Oh give over! How old is she if she is going to a baby group? A few months old?
There are loads of things you can do with a baby that doesn't involved crap like this.

Witchend Thu 30-Jun-16 08:34:51

It depends on how you answered.
"I wouldn't because I would be worried because of the allergy risk"
Would be fine.
A long article highlighting several reasons why it's a bad idea ending with "... And that's why I will be waiting until 6 months because I want the best for my baby"
Is inflammatory.

At one of the baby groups I went to there was one mum who liked to lecture the group on how what she was doing which was naturally the only and best way (and sometimes wrong). She upset a lot of mums by her attitude.

ChocChocPorridge Thu 30-Jun-16 08:35:31

Tinned tomatoes and pesto at 12 weeks.. that's an interesting choice...

I'd go back if you and your daughter like it, as long as that's just a few of the mums kicking off, not all of them (I bet any of the sane ones watched it happening and took a big step back, so the only danger is they don't come either)

Mind you, we do all make poor decisions, we gave DS some of our lentil stew when he was 8 months old. He loved it while eating it, but he was in awful, windy, intestinal distress all night the poor thing, so we didn't do that again for a fair few years!

Sellingyesterdaysnews Thu 30-Jun-16 08:37:53

Sing nursery rhymes at home. Block each and every one of them on fb.

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