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Fuming at SIL!!!!!!

(249 Posts)
Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:01:38

Omg I'm so angry right now so I'm not sure if I'm totally overreacting.

I have one DB, he has his shit moments but on the whole we are extremely close, our DC all go to the same school/nursery and he is a part time SAHD and I'm a SAHM so we see each other quite abit especially as my DD and his youngest are in the same class.

Their eldest DS is 10, since he was born I have provided endless childcare which practically doubled when their DD was then born. I'm talking atleast once a week but normally more and half terms, summer holidays can be days on end, when they go on weekends away etc etc you get the picture. Don't get me wrong I love seeing them BUT I also am a strong believer in helping out family where you can and childcare is something that they've always needed help with and something i can do.

I hardly ever need childcare for my own DD, maybe once every 3months for a couple hours here or there and sometimes I'll just ask my DP or MIL so it's literally virtually ever that I ask DB and SIL. I have an interview tomorrow which I am so excited about I can't even explain, it's for one day a week doing what i love.... Now the bit I'm fuming about, I asked DB to look after DD for me but the issue is he will be getting home 10mins after I would need to leave his house, I asked if SIL will be at home as I know she has been WFH lately and he said she may be and will let me know. He has text me tonight informing me that SIL isn't sure how busy she will be and will let me know in the morning hmm we are talking about literally 10MINUTES after all the childcare I have provided to them and she is making a fuss over 10MINUTES??? Am I in loony vill? Or AIBU and totally missing something here??

happypoobum Wed 29-Jun-16 22:05:03

YANBU - If she says no I would totally rethink your commitments to them.

springwaters Wed 29-Jun-16 22:06:58

Working from home is working not minding children. She is being paid to do a job. If she is on a conference call or similar she isn't available to do spend time taking in your children.

I know it is hard- cant you brother be their 10 minutes earlier?

rollonthesummer Wed 29-Jun-16 22:09:12

Next time they ask for your help (don't offer voluntarily) say that you don't know how busy you'll be...

Yambabe Wed 29-Jun-16 22:09:26

What does she do for work? 10 minutes if she's answering emails for example is a totally different thing to 10 minutes if she's on a conference call or has limited/timed remote access work to do.

Littlefish Wed 29-Jun-16 22:11:15

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. Whether she's working from home or not is beside the point. She could make other arrangements for 10 minutes.

I would have to seriously think about the childcare I offer in future. Make it clear to your brother why you are doing this though.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:11:41

Springwaters I used to work at home, I couldn't have imagined telling my DB and SIL I wouldn't look after one of their DC for 10minutes. Half hour or an hour yeah ok I could see that but 10minutes? Unfortunately he can't, that's the absolute earliest he can be home.

Kimononono Wed 29-Jun-16 22:13:21

If your thst close text back and say "it's ten bloody minutes hmm I'll drop her off tomoro"

It would really piss me off too

ijustwannadance Wed 29-Jun-16 22:14:41

Where are their DC's if in same class as yours?

SudsAndSodaMixOKwithBeer Wed 29-Jun-16 22:15:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:15:31

Yambabe in all honesty i would highly doubt she has a conference call scheduled as then he would have said that instead of saying she'll see how busy she is tomorrow. Even so I've seen her delay a phone call for a blowdry hmm

Numberoneisgone Wed 29-Jun-16 22:16:15

YANBU.

elizabethdraper Wed 29-Jun-16 22:16:33

Sorry but WFH is just that. 10 minutes or not.

I work from home a lot and would say no in a similar situation.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:19:56

Kimononono tbh I looked at the text and didn't know whether to reply with something like this but then felt so upset that I just didn't reply

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:22:12

SudsAndSodaMixOKwithBeer my thoughts exactly

So what do I do now? Do I:

A. Not reply at all and ignore his inevitable phonecall/text tomorrow and ask my DM if she will take the afternoon off work.
B. Ask my interview if they mind scheduling for 10mins later.

GoldBear Wed 29-Jun-16 22:23:31

How old is your DD?

Unless she's five or under I think your SIL is way out of order. We both work from home a lot, and there are very few circumstances in which we wouldn't have a child for ten minutes!

They don't need you to stop work, you just give them an iPad and explain you're working.

CheesyWeez Wed 29-Jun-16 22:26:35

How will you manage for childcare if you get this job OP? Not relying on DB/SIL I hope...
Do they know it's for an interview, and that you're so excited about it?
You'll have to say you're busy next time they want childcare!

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:26:36

GoldBear she is 3 and a half but give her a packet of crisps and an iPad and you'd be sorted for a hour let alone 10mins

Toohardtofindaproperusername Wed 29-Jun-16 22:27:29

Do they know it's very important to u, and an interview? If they haven't committed you need to sort- have sorted- something else out if you want to get to the interview in time n not frazzled. Pull in a favour off someone else and don't rely on them in future. Other option is take child to a meeting point closer to the interview for drop off with brother?
Why is it so late that you are in this situation? You clearly can't rely on them for this so need other arrangement or you won't be getting a job you really want?

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:30:15

CheesyWeez well actually yes but my DB not SIL, my DB wouldn't ever let me down and I know that the reason he told me the truth instead of making up an excuse is because he wouldn't want me to think that he wouldn't do what he could IYSWIM and also it would literally just be picking my DD up with his DD at the same time and looking after her for 2/3hours and if there was a random week he couldn't do it I could ask my DF so I'm not too worried.
No they don't know it for an interview but they know it's for something important, in fact they've probably guessed.

NavyAndWhite Wed 29-Jun-16 22:30:18

Can you ask another mum in DD's class?

I'd be upset too. I would have to say something also. Cheeky buggers.

Hope you sort something for DD and best of luck with your interview.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:33:10

Toohardtofindaproperusername DB totally missunderstood and got our wires crossed what time I needed to leave and then this all just arose this evening.

Tryingtostayyoung Wed 29-Jun-16 22:38:38

Can I ask everyone, I could drop DD at their house at the time my DB will get there but I will have to hope I don't get lost or there's no traffic, would you still want them to look after your DC after this?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Wed 29-Jun-16 22:41:32

Well I wouldn't be particularly forth coming with help in the future if that's SIL attitude. She could do it, she's just not sure if she wants to slightly put herself put for 10 bloody minutes. Presumably she knows her DH will be walking in the door 10 minutes later so she's just being awkward.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Wed 29-Jun-16 22:43:38

The problem is, what if your brother is held up by a few minutes, you risk making yourself late and you may as well not even bother with the interview then.

I'd still go ahead if they can do it, because you need it but I'd be reluctant to help them quite so much in the future. Although it's a shame as it's clearly not your brothers fault.

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