my dd bff is tooo friendly

(12 Posts)
Jools995 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:30:10

My 13 year old daughter has been bff with a girl a year older than her who is moving back to USA next week. My dd told me last week that her friend thinks she is a lesbian. We had the chat about the confusion of adolescence, about equal rights to your own sexuality, inappropriate behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable, underage sex and the law etc etc. The friend is very manipulative, my dd is very naive and a bit vulnerable. She has come over for dinner but has hugged my daughter and kissed her neck in front of me. I am not comfortable with this should i say something??

PNGirl Wed 29-Jun-16 18:37:21

Are you in the UK? Is there any point if she is moving back to the US?

Kimononono Wed 29-Jun-16 18:43:40

Her neck? That's crossing the line for me. I wouldn't like it if it was a boy doing that.

I'd ask her. No judgment and take very small steps. My 14 year old niece has been through something similar.

justilou Thu 30-Jun-16 13:09:26

Is it possible that your dd might have been testing the waters to discuss her own sexuality with you? I'm asking because my cousin did the same sort of thing when we were both younger and I didn't get it. (Am a bit oblivious sometimes) I know that he knows his sexuality has no impact on my relationship with him (he's a truly lovely human), but if he wasn't so self-confident he may have thought that I didn't want to hear it, and been reluctant to accept himself.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Thu 30-Jun-16 13:14:31

Her neck? That's crossing the line for me. I wouldn't like it if it was a boy doing that.

^^this

If she is pushing the boundaries on your daughters friendship I think I would make sure my DD was aware and comfortable in the friendship.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Thu 30-Jun-16 13:18:02

YANBU. I'd make sure that your DD knows she can say that she isn't comfortable with something and that the other person needs to back off. Neck kissing at this age is inappropriate regardless of sexuality. Especially in front of parents!

myownprivateidaho Thu 30-Jun-16 13:24:08

I find it a bit strange that you don't say whether your dd is comfortable with the friend? If so, I don't see the problem. Importabt that she understands her bodily autonomy and does not feel pressured into doing something she's not comfortable. But I wouldn't step in to stop teenagers flirting. Or kissing for that matter. Agree that saying x is gay is a classic testing the waters for coming out tactic (though it needn't be of course!)

Reapwhatyousow Thu 30-Jun-16 13:56:12

Regardless of the gender of the friend OP, your daughter is 13 and it's the role of a parent and other adults in a young person's life to protect them from themselves. Sexual yearnings are part of adolescence and needs to be recognised for what it is. Giving in to sexual urges often leads to regret remember. We supervise young people through that becasue that allows them to engage with education, sport, hobbies. What a minefield. Have a chat with your daughter about that and keep the communication open. It's not friendly imo, it's predatory against your child. Nothing wishy washy about my opinion sorry, I wish you well.

Whendoesitstop Thu 30-Jun-16 14:08:15

You posted this before and got plenty of replies. Why are you posting again?

louisagradgrind Thu 30-Jun-16 14:38:58

I think I would ask her how she feels about the girl moving back to America: if she is going to miss her. That would allow her the chance to open up if she had something to open up about.

If you think your daughter is being manipulated just make sure that they are not alone together or in a situation where your DD might feel pressurised.

Luckily, she will be gone in a week.

Sheilasfeels Thu 30-Jun-16 22:37:29

If your dd seemed comfortable when the girl kissed her, then i cant see the problem. I held hands and cuddled my friends at that age, and i was also beginning to learn about my bisexuality. But if this is about the fact is happened in front of you, and you would have felt just as uncomfortable if a boy had been doing it, then address that with her. I think the use of the word 'predatory' is extreme unless your dd tells you that she feels predated on.

Jools995 Thu 30-Jun-16 23:53:58

Although I am definitely NOT homophobic, I put my hands up and ashamedly admit to being Technophobic so apologies for the double post. Thanks for all comments. I was very uncomfortable with the situation, that gut churning 'this is not right' feeling that had nothing to do with the fact that the friend is coming out, just a few months ago she announced she was a vegetarian then ate a medium rare steak in front of me ! but more to do with the way she manipulates and behaves towards my daughter. When she hugged my daughter she was looking at me for my reaction. Thanks to your comments, I did rise above it, did not react or make reference to it simply because she is leaving next week. A valuable comment made was if it had been a boy would I have commented and this put the situation into perspective. Thank you. However me and my dd had a good chat today, we cried laughed and hugged and this has brought us even closer together smile. My dd will be sad, we will not have an opportunity to see the friend again, my dd fully understands the situation now and this is one 'friend' me and my gut feeling will be happy to be rid of. Thank you x

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