Should I speak to my sister again after a year of no communication(17 Posts)
Sorry not AIBU more WWYD
Last year in July, 4 months fresh of when our mother died me and my sister had an argument over text. Well mostly it was her abusing me.
I was wallpapering a wall and she kept phoning me, I texted her to say I was busy, I was listening to music on my phone so it was interrupting the music.
She then messaged me back saying FUCK YOU
I then blocked her because I know what she is like she will continue to abuse me or phone me.
She then used whatsapp to message me saying how she isnt going to be like our mother and run me down, this is why nobody speaks to me ect.
( Before my mother died I fell out with her, for 3 years, in that time she died. My last words to her were in an argument and she did try contact me which I ignored but she also hurt me throughout my life something which my sister never understood even though I wish I did just bury the hatched. )
I then said to her dont contact me if you are going to through low blows at me and again she brought up the fact nobody in the family talks to me (I actually cut off my family not the other way around)
So to the present day she has messaged me by obviously getting my number from our aunty a photo of her baby daughter smiling.
I ignored the message and she again sent me another photo saying are you going to ignore?
What should I do?
I am still hurt by her comments but in general as you probably gathered from my background I had a bad childhood/teenagehood.
My sister has never been there for me, she has always chosen her friends over me, even one of her friends bullied me along with other girls in school and jumped in a fight I had at school to hit me and my sister continued to be this girls friend.
another one of her friends (I have to be brief here) lied about something serious she told me about one of my relatives, when i told my mother she kicked me out. My sister knew I wasnt lying but instead saw me on the streets at 16 to back up her friend instead because she said she was scared.
I know this was teenage stuff, im 25 now but I just want to give you a background.
When she messaged you was there any hint of an apology?
Because just saying "are you going to ignore?" could be construed as a little argumentative already (In my opinion).
I might reply, but it'd be her last chance.
(Have you checked out the stately homes thread? they're good at this stuff)
All honesty I'd keep on ignoring her. She wants a reaction (any kind will do), and I wouldn't give her one. Unless of course you really want to get back in touch. But it sounds like you are doing fine with out her.
Oh, and when I say I might reply, I mean so if it went tits up again I'd be able to say I gave it one last shot and I would know for absolute definite that I had given the relationship every chance to recover.
If you already feel that way, then you have no reason to go back there.
It depends really. 4 months after the death of your mother I imagine your sister was grieving and possibly angry that you weren't even in contact with your mother when she died? And holding a lot of resentment over that.
Keep her at arm's length. Reply to the photo (the baby is after all your niece) say something complimentary and wrap it up. Do not engage beyond that. Treat her like a distant acquaintance.
I didn't speak to my sister for a year. No major fall outs or arguments, but she was just point-scoring and keeping count of simple conversations, who said what blah blah. It was beyond stupid really.
We just drifted apart for a year, never spoke to each other, I certainly didn't miss her. My mum did encourage us indirectly to make up and we did. But it has never been the same.
It is like a stuck-back-on vase. The vase is back in shape, but you can make out the fracture lines and it looks ugly.
I don't think I would, personally. Unless there is an indication that she has matured, and wants to start afresh without all the previous baggage. Doesn't sound like much has changed from what you post, sorry x
I personally would try to be the bigger person. If she sent you a picture of her baby daughter and you haven't spoken for a year I presume you'd never seen the baby before, so I probably would have messaged back 'Aww, she's beautiful' or something like that. Then leave the ball in her court. I wouldn't be drawn into arguments but I would be replying to messages.
I guess the question is do you want to have a relationship with her? How has it been over the past year? Have you missed her? If the answer is no then, sadly it sounds as though it would be best to move on. But if you do want to try again have you considered counselling with her, you'll never move on beyond when you were kicked out otherwise.
She said "oi are you going to ignore"
She also just messaged me saying "fine no interest then and no interest in her either I made the effort"
I don't get why she thinks she can just message me out the blue like she didn't even do anything wrong and either way I couldn't see her daughter if I wasn't talking to her.
I have met her daughter before.
I haven't missed her really I have missed her daughter though. She is childish.
I would just carry on ignoring her, sounds as though you are happier without her
I would say congratulations on the birth of the baby.
What ever has happened between 2 of you there is no need to ignore your niece
she's using her daughter to be manipulative or reach out - could be either. You need to decide if you want her in your life for the sake of having a role in your neices life. Have you still sent neice cards/presents for birthday and Xmas?
I have a friend who is NC with her sister because the sister was abusive. The sister is absolutely not above sending pictures of her baby DD (friend's niece) to try and manipulate her into getting back in touch, even set up a fake Facebook account in the baby's name when friend blocked her real one! This is alternated with the usual abuse when the nice act doesn't get a reaction. I don't know if your sister is doing the same thing but I wouldn't have high expectations given that she didn't have the self awareness to apologise. Sounds like she is just trying to guilt you into contact, only do it if it's right for you.
Your sister sounds fucking horrendous and I think you'd be better off staying NC. So sorry.
Your sister sounds vile, and using her baby to try and manipulate you is an awful thing to do. I'd just ignore her. My sisters and I have had the odd row over the years but we would ALWAYS stick up for each other. Your sister not taking your side when you were being bullied is unforgivable IMO, especially as she doesn't appear to be sorry. I'm sorry you've been dealt such a poor hand as far as family is concerned.
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