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Child's friend

(14 Posts)
Dutch212 Wed 29-Jun-16 15:59:52

Everyday after school my child's friend asks me to come over our house. She doesn't ask my child but comes directly to me, and my child says she never asks during the school day so it's not planned between them at all. My child does not seem bothered if they come over or not most days.

The child's mum stands there next to them waiting for my reply. I say yes maybe once a week, but normally because I feel pressured to rather than because either me or my child wants it.

My child has been invited there a few times in the last few years, bearing in mind I host almost every week.

AIBU though to think the child's mum is a bit annoying and rude not to tell their kid not to ask me every single day! Also, how can I deal with this? I don't want to fall out with the other parent, but it's getting to the point I dread school pick up! I don't want to keep having to agree just to keep the peace.

Shouldwestayorshouldwegonow Wed 29-Jun-16 16:03:56

Oh she's that type of mum op. Met her type. She wants you to childminder her kid and give her tea so she doesn't have to and she will never reciprocate.

Smile brightly and say not today love we are busy. Then move off sharpish.

LemonBreeland Wed 29-Jun-16 16:06:55

I would just start saying no a LOT. In fact I may just say we are not having anyone round to play until the end of term for now. Then think of something new to say next term.

I hate when parents do that. She should of course be telling her child it is rude to ask. However as you have said yes so often, she probably thinks you don't mind.

SocksRock Wed 29-Jun-16 16:23:13

Ive already put a ban on play dates for the rest of term. Too much going on and everyone is knackered. Do this and then just keep saying no in September. Best way is just to be breezy and "no, that doesn't work today". Whatever you do, don't say "maybe another time" or it will never stop. Repeat ad nauseum and they will get the message.

ineedamoreadultieradult Wed 29-Jun-16 16:33:26

I had this exact situation and because I have difficulty saying no I started to give reasons like we are going to the shops etc which just resulted in them asking to come with us or asking when we will be back and calling round then. I would really advise the 'no that's not going to be possible today' and walk away technique.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Wed 29-Jun-16 17:15:53

Does your child enjoy visiting the friends house? If so I'd be tempted to say, oh, that wouldn't work today but dc could go to your house if that suits your mum. Turn it back on her - I bet you'll only need to say it a few times (probably all without your dc actually going) before the daily wisdoms stop!

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar Wed 29-Jun-16 17:16:35

Daily wisdoms? Daily requests!

SenoritaViva Wed 29-Jun-16 17:22:59

I love daily wisdoms!

Agree with other posters and definitely turn it back in them!

catkind Wed 29-Jun-16 17:25:58

I hope my kid's friend's mum is not reading this! She keeps inviting herself over, and we do like having her over, but have been busy lately. Don't want her to think we're making excuses! It is easier for us to come here than DD to go there logistically so I'm more than happy to host.
So OP I suggest you just tell the mum politely that you don't really like doing play dates unless it's planned in advance. So much easier if everyone knows where everyone stands.

Boolovessulley Wed 29-Jun-16 17:29:57

Need moresleep's idea is great.
Keep using it.

VocalDuck Wed 29-Jun-16 17:32:30

oh, that wouldn't work today but dc could go to your house if that suits your mum. Turn it back on her - I bet you'll only need to say it a few times (probably all without your dc actually going) before the daily wisdoms stop!

^This (and is should be known as daily wisdoms, not requests grin)

FuriousFate Wed 29-Jun-16 17:35:13

We get this often, more so because we live close to school and walk home en masse (unintentionally) with a number of other families. It's awful when their kids ask, your kids then start asking and you're made out to be the baddie! I've just started to say that we will plan something for during the holidays, though that doesn't work all year round! One of the worst offenders is a child who isn't even in DD's year, who is quite sneaky and unkind (witnessed many times over the past two years) and her dad always stands there looking optimistic!

Lunar1 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:35:57

I'd start being very busy with after school stuff!

RubbleBubble00 Wed 29-Jun-16 18:54:42

Just say 'not this wk honey', perhaps in a ouple of weeks

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