Babysitting

[MarcelineTheVampire]

I probably AB a bit U here but sometimes I feel forced to allow GPs to babysit for me.

I enjoy being with my DD and shortly will be returning to work so want to spend as much time with her as I can. Sometimes I feel a bit forced to leave my her with GPs for the day and overnight (although she hasn't stayed with either set over night) I absolutely trust both sets with DD, so that's not the issue but I want to be with her and although I'm tired at times I want to spend the time with her.

We see both sets of GPs at least once a week but a lot of the time twice a week, so it's not like they don't see her but I feel pressured to let them have alone time with her when I'm perfectly happy as is my DP spending time with her.

As a bit of extra info, when I return to work both sets will be looking after her at their request (we are also paying both of them for this) so they will spend plenty of time with her then. I feel a little bit like I want to enjoy the rest of my maternity leave with her.

My DD is pretty chilled and although attached to me is happy spending time with them both so it's not like I'm having to leave her to settle her in.

AIBU in not wanting to leave my DD when I don't have to with GPs because they want me to?

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think you've considered the fact they probably want a few dry runs, to see how they'll cope.

Also, not everyone allows the GPs to babysit because they're not happy to spend time with their kids.

Personally I would want a dry run or 2 as well.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

worra They have had plenty of dry runs and I also having keeping in touch days coming up in any case.

It's that they both get huffy if I say I don't need them to babysit.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Plus, it's always been like this. Even when she was only a few weeks old and I was EBF they seemed to think that I should let them have DD all the time. I know they love her and want to spend time with her- I probably ABU....

[LeonoraFlorence]

I feel the same way as you but my parents just love having my DDs so let them babysit 'for them', if you see what I mean :) It's a nice thing to be able to give them.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Leonora I know, like I say I probably ABU but I am nervous/upset going back to work I think and knowing that they are both going to spend more time with DD than I am. I sound pathetic don't I

[GoldPlatedBacon]

Just explain what you have said here. Thank them for the offers, say it's very kind etc but that you are returning to work shortly and really want to cherish the last few weeks and want to be with her. If they get in a grump then tough.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Don't send her overnight if you don't want to - there's no need.

[LeonoraFlorence]

You're not pathetic. It is hard. I think you just have to set a 'limit' for both sets and try to make the most of the time you have to yourself, even using it to catch up on sleep. I now have 4 DDs but remember one Saturday morning sitting in tears after dropping DD1 off at my parents because I missed her . My DH thought I was mad!

[LeonoraFlorence]

Oh and my DDs don't stay away overnight. My parents have offered but I just say no thanks. There's never been a need. Talking DDs haven't asked either yet. When/if they do then I will think about it again :)

[RiverTam]

I understand how you feel but don't underestimate how fantastic a close and strong relationship with GPs can be. DD doesn't have this (party because of distance but also because I was very anxious when she was young and wouldn't leave her with anyone) and now she's older I wish I had laid my feelings to one side and encouraged it more.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Thank you Leonora you're right.

I need to set boundaries anyway as sometimes I feel suffocated by everyone- DP and I were very independent prior to DD and people left us alone so, it just feels like it's all too much seeing everyone all the time.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Rivertam you are completely right and I was anxious when she was newborn now I will happily leave her but not all the time like they expect.

I guess that's the issue, they both want to be 'best nana' and try to out do each other too which I find tiresome.

[shiveringhiccup]

Yanbu at all, don't let anyone think you are. She's your daughter - of course you spending time with her comes first!

Could you explain what you've explained here - that you value them etc, but that you want to make the most of your mat leave time together.

And just say no. You are the parent, you have final say.

Good luck!

[RebelRogue]

Do you complain that you are tired,not getting enough sleep,stressed,mot enough time with your partner etc?

[Millionprammiles]

Unless you've concerns about the GPs ability to care for your dd or that they are a negative influence on her, I'd let them spend time with her, including overnight.

In the long run they might not have that much time with your dd, you never know whats around the corner (as we found out when my FiL died very suddenly). A bond for children with their GPs can be very special and I envy your circumstances. Its not just childcare, it can be a relationship in its own right.

Also, you might not be thinking about it now but having other carers on hand who are close to your ds is so valuable. We literally have noone nearby and it can be a struggle. You're very lucky.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Million I know I'm very lucky and I do let them take her, but I guess my point is, I shouldn't have to sacrifice my precious time with her just for their sake. Like I said I probably ABU, but I just want to get quality time with her before I return to work.

I'm not ready for overnight yet- I'm still breastfeeding and it's the only comfort she takes on the night. I will at some point need babysitting for over night...but not yet.

Just to clarify, they do look after her, I jut feel like I'm pressured into it sometimes just to stop them getting mad at me.

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Rebel my DD doesn't sleep so they know I am tired, and I know they are trying to help at times but I don't want her to be with her GPs all week, which is what they are suggesting, whilst I am off on maternity leave.

They both are so desperate to be involved, which is fab, but I also want to enjoy my DD and I'm made to feel guilty constantly by them for not having her nearly everyday.

[GeoffreysGoat]

Hang on, you already do four visits a week and they want more? When on earth do you get to do anything you want to do?!!

[MarcelineTheVampire]

Geoffrey I don't .

[RebelRogue]

OP fair enough,i was just asking as i know people that do complain,but genuinely can't see why relatives/friends offer to babysit and they're annoyed by it.
Have you told them how you feel? Basically that soon enough you'll have to be away from her more that you would like,and you are just trying to get as much time with her as you can,and that it is temporary.