To think I do not deserve 3 days of verbal abuse from my Dickhead husband for this?

(236 Posts)
SGlass Wed 29-Jun-16 08:27:27

went away for a few days and left my kids (15 and 17) home alone. We've done this a few times and it's always been ok - MIL around corner and normally sensible lads. Unfortunately this time oldest had a party without consent of approval. Stuff got moved, minor things got broken and a bottle of JD has gone missing. Also, someone slept in our bed. DH and I both fuming. I spoke to DS and told him how disappointed I was, how let down I felt, how angry I was and how disappointed in him I am. I also told him the phone he's been asking me to help him buy is now off the cards and there is now a blanket ban on friends in the house.
Well DH decided this was not the way I should have dealt with it as my wording was all wrong. From then on (this was Monday) I have received a list of insults from DH such as "you're as bad as them, you need to grow some balls, you're soft as shit, they're not my kids so why should I sort them out (I never asked him too) the 3 of you are a joke, you've brought them up like this, they're the worst kids I know, DS is a liar and a spoilt brat, if you don't grow some balls and sort it the marriage is doomed, if he keeps knocking this house about I'll knock him about" etc etc etc - he just went on and on and in laying into me all night until I went to bed.

Last night was horrendous. I'd spent all day washing and tidying his clothes that he took away with him and made him dinner. As soon as he came in he started on me again. To cut a long story short it started off with the same stuff as night before so I went in another room. He then asked me for my bank details so he could have a look at transactions. Nothing to hide so gave him the details. Next minute he comes flying in with a list of transactions that he wanted explaining (most were me transferring money to DS either for pocket money, clothes, the odd phone top up and times when he's given me cash and asked me to transfer it to his bank so he can buy something online. Now obviously I can't explain precisely the £10 that went out on the 4th October last year because I can't remember!!!

He ended up throwing the list at me, called me a piece of shit and then stormed off. He then came back in and stepped up the insults with "you still act like a single mother on easy street, I'm just a meal ticket for you three, I'm a fucking mug putting up with you 3, they're not even my fucking kids yet I'm the breadwinner, you're a user, all 3 of you are fucking users, none of you respect me, wish I'd never fucking married you (this one hurt). Etc etc

We only got married 2 months ago. What a spiteful horrible cunt of a man to say that to me. Can I just add I work full time earning £22k a year so I'm not a fucking user or gold digger. It's £22k a year more than his perfect ex ever brought in yet I'm the user??? I've been sworn at, had paper thrown at me, had the sofa/desk whacked where I've been sitting, called a user/piece of shit, been reminded constantly of his "breadwinner status" and been told he wishes he'd never married me - because my son had a party???!!

On top of this he slept in another room last night and told me to organise my kids tea before I go for my late shift today as they're not his kids so he's not responsible for feeding them.

Been married two months and I want to throw the fucker out. I feel it all so unjustified. I've tried talking to him sensibly and he just shouts me down, twists my words and swears at me like a chavvy loser. Fuming.

bloodymaria Wed 29-Jun-16 08:31:30

He's a arse, op you don't need that in your life. Cut your losses and get rid.

PurpleWithRed Wed 29-Jun-16 08:33:12

Well obviously the marriage is over. Did you live together before you married? Why does he suddenly feel so trapped and used?

callherwillow Wed 29-Jun-16 08:33:15

You don't need him in your life.

However, you chose him and you moved him in.

Your poor kids didn't hmm

ficbia Wed 29-Jun-16 08:33:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitteryPenguin Wed 29-Jun-16 08:34:13

Please leave him. That's not okay. Get out now sad

Gardencentregroupie Wed 29-Jun-16 08:34:27

Throw the fucker out. He didn't wait long to show his true colours once his feet were firmly under the table did he angry

ficbia Wed 29-Jun-16 08:34:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StealthPolarBear Wed 29-Jun-16 08:35:42

You were and will manage fine without him. Don't put your kids or yourself through this. Tell him where he can stuff his 'bread'

pictish Wed 29-Jun-16 08:35:59

How long have you been together? This sounds like an extreme reaction indeed...and like the start of a campaign of bullying on his part. Fucking awful behaviour - threatening, controlling, physically intimidating...the works!

Whose house is it? It's easy for me to say but he sounds like a nutter you should be backing away from.

SGlass Wed 29-Jun-16 08:36:01

Well no I wanted to speak to DH about a punishment for DS but he never gave me chance. I thought we could discuss it together before implementing it but he's impossible to talk to.
We lived together before marriage and he's never acted like this before. I actually thought he might hit me he was so incessant with rage

WellErrr Wed 29-Jun-16 08:36:12

Yes. Throw the fucker out.

ficbia Wed 29-Jun-16 08:36:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf Wed 29-Jun-16 08:36:54

He needs to leave.
If he stays this will be your life!
Dont choose that for yourself or for your children.

WellErrr Wed 29-Jun-16 08:37:04

He's waited till after marriage as he's 'got' you now. Classic abuser. Marriage or pregnancy triggers it.

He's a bastard. Leave him.

Inyournightdress Wed 29-Jun-16 08:37:05

You are right to want to throw him out. Your kids always come first

ImperialBlether Wed 29-Jun-16 08:37:24

Is it your house? Then spend the day bagging up his stuff. Nobody should be spoken to like that.

pictish Wed 29-Jun-16 08:37:54

i see you only got married two months ago. This makes me so sad. It is common for abusive behaviours to emerge either in pregnancy or after the birth of a baby....or after marriage. They think they've got you trapped at that stage and the mask falls.

Misnomer Wed 29-Jun-16 08:38:42

I get why he's annoyed about the party but this seems to be much more than that, like he's taking the opportunity to set the tone, now that you're married. There is also a total lack of respect for you and it doesn't bode well for his role as a step-father either. Going through your bank statement and demanding explanations for small transactions is controlling. I can't imagine that things are going to improve much from here. I'm sorry, OP. I think he's just shown you his true colours.

Penfold007 Wed 29-Jun-16 08:39:20

Well it didn't take long for the mask to slip and the real him show through. You know what you have to do. Tell him to leave now. I'm sorry you facing this.

SGlass Wed 29-Jun-16 08:39:34

There were 4 people here. No real damage or mess other than the patio blinds were slightly damaged and a doorstop teddy thing was ripped and the stuffing on the floor. The bottle of JD is apparently missing but I'm not 100% on this as I was sure DH took the last bit of it on holiday but I can't be sure. Other than that the house was clean and tidy.

LittleLionMansMummy Wed 29-Jun-16 08:40:24

He sounds like a nasty fucker op. This behaviour can't be new, can it? Do your sons hear him saying all this?

Scarydinosaurs Wed 29-Jun-16 08:40:57

He wants to leave- let him. He will only get worse.

WellErrr Wed 29-Jun-16 08:41:03

Don't get sidetracked OP. It wouldn't have mattered if the party was The Hangover with 200 people.

Nothing justifies his behaviour.

NightWanderer Wed 29-Jun-16 08:42:42

Not really sure what to say but it's not going to get any better, is it?

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