DM has confused and worried me about DC

[oohlalala]

I don't know what to do or how to react. DM who looks after DC once a week, announced earlier that she caught her playing with her bits in the bath. Told her off, but said its not first time its happened & that 4yo children don't do this and I should be concerned this is a learnt behaviour and that I ought to keep an eye on her. DM has a long career of working with children, so I do usually take her advice, but what, oh what do I do with this? Do 4yo normally do this or not??? Help

[WhataMistakeaToMakea]

It's totally normal. And I'm a social worker so things that are not are totally on my radar!

[BowiesJumper]

I know I did it and around the same age, and got told gently to not do it (in public anyway). But it's normal I'd say. I certainly didn't "learn" it from anywhere.

[CaptainCrunch]

Your mother is talking bollix.

[StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine]

4 year olds' bits are often 4 year olds' favourite toys.

[WeirdAndPissedOff]

It's normal - or at least not uncommon.
DM is completely over-reacting.

Perhaps have a quiet word with DC if you feel it best, but I don't think there's likely to be anything to be concerned about.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Perfectly normal. Fear not.

[PacificDogwod]

Of course it's normal!
She should be allowed to enjoy her own body, but it may be worthwhile introducing the concept of 'private' to her.

[oohlalala]

Thank you for your responses, you are making me feel much better. I've spent half the evening looking at websites about 'signs'. Think I can calm down a bit now!

[acasualobserver]

Learnt behaviour? I think this is something we teach ourselves!

[NarkyKnockers]

I find it odd that she works with children and told her off for messing with her bits. Surely just letting her know not to do it in public would be fine. Boys never have their hands off them so I can't imagine she's never seen it before!

[PacificDogwod]

Signs of what?

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

Very normal, my 5 yr old keeps playing with himself and very proudly came to show me that he made his willy stand up by playing with it made me lol anyway!

[nilbyname]

Your mum is talking rubbish

[claraschu]

Completely normal and your mum should not be telling her off. Why on earth is she telling her off? You should immediately reassure your dd that she has not done anything wrong, and you should tell your mum that she should just ignore this behaviour.

If your daughter has her hands down her pants in public places, it might be a good idea to remind her about private parts, and tell her that her bedroom or bathroom is the right place for this. As far as I am concerned bath=private though, and your mum is very wrong to tell her off.

[timeandtide]

I think it sounds normal. Little boys play with their willies from a young age so I'd assume girls are equally as curious?

I'd want to know what your mother meant or was inferring by "learnt behaviour" as body exploration is quite normal.

When it comes down to it, at a young age your ears are probably as
Interesting as your down below bits - everything is new to you.

[oohlalala]

Signs someone was teaching her stuff. I think she was over reacting, but she did worry me intoresearching the subject Pacific

[Primaryteach87]

My baby (boy) plays with his bits if he has a chance! Definitely not 'learnt behaviour'. I think you're mum is wrong for worrying you about this and also making your DC feel they are doing something 'bad'

[PatronIcingBardStarred]

Normal, it can happen in primary schools too a bit, girls shuffling on the edge of the chairs so don't panic if that gets mentioned...

[dogdrifts]

Entirely normal. Ask any reception teacher who has to implement a 'hands above the desk' policy. or introduce 'hands in the air' games. They are pretty much all at it. All that needs to be done is introduce the concept of private v public and tell your mother she is a frothing paedo behind every bush fruitcake.

[PacificDogwod]

Aw no, playing with yer bits is now a 'sign' of anything - other than enjoying the pleasant feelings.
Don't tell her off and discourage your mum from doing so, but reminding her about 'a time and a place' for this might make things less socially awkward.

I have a friend whose DD liked being stark-bollock naked at the least provocation AND lie on the sofa spreadeagled . Nothing abnormally sexualised going on there either, but her disinhibition needed a bit of curtailing before she started school

[GiraffesAndButterflies]

4yo children don't do this

Yep, they do. And unlike adults, they're not attaching any significance to it beyond "that felt nice, I'll do it again".

If your DM has worked somewhere like a school environment, it may be that the children she's worked with were mostly too busy to think about playing with themselves, but I'd still be surprised she hasn't come across that behaviour before.

[EweAreHere]

Totally normal. The only issue is 'privacy' if they want to play with their private parts.

[Iggii]

No wonder women grow up ashamed of their bodies/desires. A reminder to not do it in front of others should suffice. I wouldn't want her bathing her again!

[JudyCoolibar]

Perfectly normal. I once dealt with someone who was guilt-tripped into dragging her child off to a paediatrician because she was told something similar by someone in authority; the paediatrician wrote a very robust letter to the person responsible saying that the child's conduct was perfectly normal and he was seriously concerned that someone in her position was unaware of that.

[Kimononono]

This is rubbish! All my brothers practically pulled there penis's off when that age do why idiot so frowned upon when it's girls.

My Fil was very short with my three year old dd the other day. He came in to the house while she only had a nightie on with no knickers and she did a roly poly and he got quite an eye full. He told her to get knickers on but his tone was really off - like there was shame in it and I seen the confusion on her little face. I wish I had said something now looking back in really annoyed I didn't.

Your mum was out of order making your dd feel shameful about her body.